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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33281
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi me and my partner has decided to seperate we are not married

Customer Question

Hi me and my partner has decided to seperate we are not married we live together and it is his house his name is XXXXX XXXXX daughter birth certificate who is 4. We are having problems sorting out access for our daughter. He wants to have her every other weekend starting from Friday until Tuesday and night and i have our daughter the rest of the week and weekend and then he has her Mon and Tues. So he will have her 6 days and nights in 14 days, and i will have her 8 days and nights so near enough shared access. I don't want this as i feel she should be with her mother more as i have been the main carer and she will be starting school this september and she needs stability and routine. My partner is being very difficult we are now going to mediation. He is very controllling and verbally abusive to me hence why we are seperating as this is not an healthy environment for our daughter and his mother is also getting involved with the access for our child. She has given me these charts of when is best for me and my partner to have our child. My daughter has been coming into my room middle of night for a cuddle on a few ocassions. But lately she has now been going into her daddys room and stays in his bed to which i Don't agree. He has also stated to me that i cannot leave the house with our daughter when i move into new house without some agreement.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
thank you for contacting us.
What information would help you at this stage?
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I need to know can my partner stop me leaving the house with our daughter once my house is ready to move in. And also does the mother have more rights with regards to access with their child. Although we are going to mediation i do not see my partner accepting anything the mediator suggests as wants everything on his terms. I really do think he will want this to go to court if i do not accept what he wants for our child if so will he have to pay the costs? What i have suggested to my solicitors access for our daughter is every other weekend friday to sunday afternoon and 1 night in the week for our daughter to be with her father. Do you think this is fair?

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
May I ask who has had the day to day care of the child until now?
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


Our daughter goes to childminders 3 days a week and preschool two of the other days i normally drop her off and sometimes pick her up or my partner will pick her up but that has only been since we have decided to seperate that he does this for our daughter she did use to go to her nannies on mondays but she longer can look after her. I now work full time flexitime, my company have said to me i can change my hours or reduce them to accomodate for our daughter for when she starts school.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
You both have Parental Responsibility for the Child and are entitled to have her in your care - so your ex cannot stop you taking the child to your new home - and you will not be able to stop him taking her to his home.
In general terms shared care is becoming more popular if it works for the child - although I fully understand your concerns about stability.
Unfortunately since you both work it will be hard to argue that he has not had a share in the child care and that makes a more shared care arrangement more likely
You could suggest that he has her Friday night until Monday morning on alternate weeks plus alternate tuesday nights making it 4 nights out of 14 with a review in six months time to see if she can cope with the extra night each week and then adding the monday in
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


My partner has not had shared care it has only been the last few months that he has taking more responsibilty for our daughter i.e picking her up giving her some dinner, but previous to this it has been me and his mother who has been doing this. I feel that he will try and stop me from leaving the house with our daughter when we go into new house as he has a very quick temper. He is self employed he does removals so his hours are never the same.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
I do understand - but in fact many parents start to take a more hands on role when a separation happens and alternate weekends plus a night in the week is not an unusual contact pattern - but you could try offering
Friday to Sunday plus a midweek night if you woudl feel more comfortable.
Once you have your new house I would suggest that you simply collect your daughter from school and take her to your new home
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

If we cannot agree in mediation and my partner wants to take me to court


does he have to pay the costs?

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
He will certainly have to pay the court fee and his own costs - but not yours I am afraid
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi we went to see the mediator today and i did not feel it went well. As the mediator was suggesting shared custody so i would have our daughter 6 days in 14 days and so would my partner. She also suggested what about 1 week with her father and 1 week with her mother. I did say i was happy for her father to have her the long weekend he has her to which is thurs fri sat sun but i would like her back sun afternoon. He did not agree with this he thinks she should stay sun eve. And the mediator said it seems fair that maybe my partner has our daughter sun evening overnight. I don't agree. I'm not sure if i want to continue with seeing the mediator. And seek more advice from my solicitor. My partner also stated in that meeting the days i have her he will not pay towards the childcare. Do you think i should still see this mediator? as i did not want shared access i wanted her main residence to be at my house when we move in.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
At the next meeting I suggest that you ask the Mediator if she is aware of the Australian Research that shows that shared care is NOT always in the best interests of the child.
Stick to your proposals and say that you will not agree to anything else
Claire

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