For the past year contact has taken place roughly every 6-8 weeks with him visiting the children and taking them out for the day. His solicitor proposed specific dates for daytime visits which would eventually lead to overnight stays at his house next April and then every other holiday. I agreed to the daytime dates but my ex has not always stuck to them, sometimes contacting me 2 days beforehand to change the date. We have requested that he no longer contacts me but he still sends nasty texts to me through the children's mobile phone or gets my eldest daughter to pass messages. This evening for instance, he asked her if she had asked me about staying over, and that to tell me he will continue to ask until I say yes. It's making me look like the bad guy. The other issue is that he has a new partner, who the children have only met once for half an hour, and I feel they should get to know her a bit better before spending several days with her. My youngest is only 3 and may not react well to being away from me for long.
He has not had any convictions for drink related offences or for domestic abuse.
He has been with his partner for a year. My eldest has had sleepovers and been away from me a few times - she is keen to stay with her dad but my youngest has not been away from me and tends to sleep in my bed most nights. She doesnt understand what staying over really means.
The only reason his partner isn't part of visiting contact is that she chooses not to.
Sorry I did not mention this or make it clear - I am meant to be responding to a letter his solicitor sent last week wanting the children for 23 - 27 December. We do not want this to happen, but I want to reply concisely, with proposed dates which includes a gradual plan of several meetings with his partner, maybe a night in a hotel etc until in April they have a couple of days at this house. But I am hesitating because of the drinking. I have a Team around the Family which includes the school, social services, health visitor etc who agree with me, that we need proof he is not drinking heavily before the children stay with him, but I find what they advise and what my solicitor says I can do legally are poles apart.
Sorry I meant his home not mine. :)
When I first left him for a trial separation he went to addictive behaviours therapy and had liver function tests, which despite what he was drinking, were normal. He was functioning normally and would only drink in the evening. He would have 2 pints at pub after work, 2 cans of beer at home, a bottle of red wine, and then either another bottle of red wine or half a bottle of whisky, every single night. Since leaving for good I don't know what his drinking levels are like. They got better for a while before he met his partner but after that I don't know because we severed contact. I don't care if he drinks himself to death every day I just don't want him to do it when he's looking after my kids. What about some sort of contract where he promises not drink alcohol when the children are with him? Apart from liver test and hair strand tests are there any other tests?
Ok thanks. How do I stop him from repeatedly asking my daughter about the over night stays and sending me texts on her phone?
yes he does
thank you, XXXXX XXXXX very helpful.