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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33275
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi - In August we had a court order put in place where my daughter

Customer Question

Hi - In August we had a court order put in place where my daughter stayed with her dad in the week as she was to stay in her current school and I was moving an hour away but on the basis that I could see her a few times a week as I used to have to drive past where her dad lives to go to work. This has now changed so i am not travelling that way anymore. I am therefore only seeing her once a fortnight and in the school holidays. I have asked for more time in the holidays but he has said no. I want to go back to court and vary the order to take account of the new circumstances. I am worried though because school have met with us today to say my daughter is showing very high levels of anxiety, wondering the corridors , refusing to go into school (which he has not told me) etc. how should i approach this in respect of varying the order?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare and I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old is your daughter and has she spoken of the problems with you?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

She is 6.5. Her father and I split up when she was 4 and she spent 60% 0f her time with me and 40% with her dad, then he took me to court when I wanted to relocate an hour and 15 mins away.


 


Not really, she seems fine with me but does mention that sometimes she doesnt want to go to school and she wants us all to live in one big house together. Says she misses me lots, loves me the most and can get upset when she has to leave to go back to her dad, but he will say the same.


 


She has said her dads girlfriend takes her to swimming on a monday after school and she says it should be mummy that takes her not steph.


 


But not too much else, she kind of shuts down.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
What suggestions did the school have - and how realistic would it be for her to live with you and spend weekends with her father?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

School have just said they will keep reassuring her and they have a teaching assistant who has also been trained in emotional needs who will spend some time with Sienna.


 


I am a bit disappointed with the school because in year 1 she had two teachers and one was never there and in year 2 (now) she also has 2 teachers and one is now off ill so its not very consistent for her at school.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
And what about considering a change of school and living arrangements?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I had that all considered from when I wanted to move. I would consider all of this but he will not which is why he took me to court. There is a school lined up and she has her own bedroom. he is blocking everything

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Are you now prepared to fight it out through the courts again?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

She is my little girl, if thats what I have to do then i will. I know he doesnt want to. but by the same token is he not preparing to shift or reconsider anything

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I will be blunt
Your little girl is showing you that she is unhappy with the current arrangements - I am sure she tells her dad she is happy - but her actions prove that she is not.
It is not that she does not love her dad or wish to be with him - but clearly she needs to spend more time with you than she is and clearly she is not happy in school so there is no reason for her to remain there.
I would suggest that you try and discuss matters with your ex using Family mediation to try and reach an agreement that is right for your child.
May be living with you during the week but seeing her father three weekends out of four and half the school holidays.
Alternatively as a half way house leave her with him in the week but you have her three weekends out of four and half the school holidays and see if that helps.
If he will not agree then you will have to apply to the court for a shared residence Order and the Judge will have to decide what is best - however what is clear is that your daughter is unhappy - and things have to change
You can find some assistance here
http://theparentconnection.org.uk/
Please ask if you need further details
Clare

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