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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33521
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I have raised our daughter for the last 7 years and my ex-husband

Resolved Question:

I have raised our daughter for the last 7 years and my ex-husband has not helped nor contributed in anyway. My ex-husband now has a new relationship and a baby and I am allowing him access once per week when my 7 year old daughter visits his new house - having offered him a couple of times per week. During the access, he last consistently lied about the address of his new house and I wanted to know for my own peace of mind that if this is something legally he has to declare to me? As a mother, I would not drop my daughter off at a party if I did not know where she was - and thus, it concerns me that he has been lying. He has a history of mental health problems and tonight as I asked for his address again, I received a barrage of very abusive text messages. Pls can you advise.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How did you become aware that he had lied about his address?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare,


when I collected my daughter from a road which he had told me was close to his new house, my daughter stated that daddy doesn't live on this road. I asked my daughter to get into the car whilst I spoke to her Dad who stated that he was unable to give me the address as he now lives as part of the travelling community and is not allowed to do so. When I confronted him via text about this stating it was important for me to know where our daughter is going spending time, he sent 15 text messages - most of which were very abusive. I am a Mental Health Nurse and have had to try and explain that Daddy's behaviour is not acceptable and not respectful. I have concerns about his mental health, his abusive language and the impact upon our daughter. I would ideally like to change my daughters surname to incorporate either my surname or both our surnames - to which he will not consent. My daughters dad does not get involved in school run, only attends occasional school events when given lifts, etc and in no part contributes towards her development. It is a very sad situation of which I am trying to be a strong role model for my daughter

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Had he actually given you a false address - or had you agreed contact without a precise address?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I had initially agreed contact to take our daughter out to a cafe which he didn't do and then took her to his new house and lied to me as to where they had been. The following contact I asked for an address and he said he could not give this to me as his new partner is a traveller and they are protective of sharing their address with outsiders but that if I dropped our daughter on a certain road this was around the corner from their address. In between the second and third contacts my daughter disclosed she had asked her dad for the name of his street and he said it was west street. My daughter noted that it was number 6, so that when I dropped her off for the last contact I felt I could relax knowing where she was. However when I picked her up they appeared from a different direction and our daughter stated that daddy always takes her a different way. Adding to this that he is presenting as very paranoid and has sent me 15 very abusive text messages, I do not feel comfortable dropping my daughter off and not knowing her whereabouts. My daughters dad was very emotionally abusive in the past and I am keen to protect both my daughter and myself from this.


I have always worked hard at enabling my daughter to spend quality time with her dad and feel that after his lack of acknowledgement of impact of his behaviour on our daughter, constant lies and inappropriate behaviours such as asking our daughter to keep his new baby and relationship a secret and history of mental health problems and substance misuse background, I am struggling to find a comfortable way of allowing access. I have asked if myself and him and his new partner could meet up which would put my mind at rest and he will not agree to this.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Is she enjoying her contact?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

She is however she reports feeling very confused about why her dad keeps on lying. The police have advised me to withdraw access until he is prepared to share his new address.


 

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Have the police said why they are suggesting something do extreme?
Have they any separate reason for concern?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Yes there is a previous history of domestic violence combined with a diagnosis of mental health problems including PTSD and psychosis, criminal record and substance misuse.


 


 

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Yes that is indeed cause for concern.
In the circumstances you should simply say that unless you have confirmation of his address then in view of his past history you will have to suspend contact (the word suspend is important - it makes it clear that it can resume)
You can also offer to discuss matters with him using Family mediation
If he makes further abusive calls/texts report them to the police
By doing this you have nothing to fear should he apply to the court
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33521
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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