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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34275
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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if we have (agreed, by my consent (I regret this now ) but

Resolved Question:

if we have (agreed, by my consent (I regret this now ) but is not court ordered) joint custody (2004-date, my daughter is 9), who has the deciding 'vote' when there is a dispute over what is appropriate for decisions relating to my daughter for example whether she has face book, or the fact she still sleeps in his bed?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How is her time actually shared between you?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare


 


Sorry for the delay in responding.


 


I have my daughter on a Monday and Tuesday and drop her to school on Wednesday morning. Her dad picks her up from school and then has her Wednesday and Thursday. We alternate the weekend (for the period Friday, Saturday and Sunday; she is with me for this period one week and then her dad the next). This has been the arrangement for approximately 6 1/2 years, however is varied at times to accommodate out of routine events, for example if she goes away with her auntie or my mum and during school holidays (for the last few years I have had her the majority of the time as her dad works full time), or if either her dad or I have something on and need the other to cover that time.


 


Generally speaking this works fine and my daughter is happy with and used to this, but as she gets older there seem to be more and more issues arising (such as those mentioned), which her dad and I do not agree upon and he frequently makes decisions in this regard without consulting me first (for example I feel strongly that she is too young for face book but as he went ahead and did it without discussion first I wasn't able to give my views on it; and do not think it appropriate that she is in his profile picture for a dating website, a fact I was only made aware of by chance).


 


I appreciate there is a communication issue here! but he has a strong personality and considers himself able to make decisions without discussing with me first (I don't think it appropriate that my daughter has to make me aware of things especially as I don't want her to think she has to 'keep secrets' or to feel like she has 'caused trouble' when we disagree on something), which is why I asked the question.


 


I hope this answers your query but if not please let me know.


 


Thanks


 


Sarah

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
If you as parents cannot agree then it is the court that has the deciding vote - assuming one of you decides to issue an application to involve the court.
Both the issues have safeguarding aspects to them
The Minimum age for Face book is in fact 13 and sharing a bed with her father at 9 is - odd - to say the least
You should try and discuss matters with your ex using Family mediation - a discussion about boundaries and safety issues seems called for,
If the outcome of his is not successful then you may have to consider an application for a Residence Order to change the current arrangements
You may find some ideas on the site here
http://theparentconnection.org.uk/
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I just wanted to say thank you for your answer, which was very helpful and has given me some direction as to how to deal with these issues.


 


I haven't given a rating yet as I didn't know whether I would be able to reply to you once given.


 


please reply so I can rate your response.


 


Thank you again it was money well spent!


 


Sarah

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
The question remains open even after rating!
Clare
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