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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33817
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I have contested my exs new boyfriend from adopting my children,

Resolved Question:

I have contested my ex`s new boyfriend from adopting my children, the final hearing is next Monday, the guardian is asking for adoption be granted "as the children want it"!! I believe parental alienation has taken place, since I was denied contact 6 years ago, I have no money so I am having to represent myself, I have fought long and hard to see my children but their mother has turned them against not only me , but all of the paternal family, please can you advise any action

Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old are the children?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Dear Clare


Thank-you for responding to my e-mail.


Please let me give you a brief history of the case.


After a domestic incident between my then partner and myself in dec.2007, we separated, but I continued contact with my 2 children, who were then 4+6 for the following 5 months. She then went to court to stop contact. I was refused contact in june 2010.She now has a new partner who is in the forces, so they don't actually live together, but he has applied for adoption. I believe PAS has taken place, as the children are unnaturally against any contact with not only myself but the whole of their paternal family, who all had an amazing relationship with my children before any of this happened.


A final hearing is set for 24th feb.


My ex partner seems to have not only manipulated the children against me, but the guardian is recommending the adoption goes ahead.


My children are now 10+ 12 ,


I was allways lead to believe that if a parent contested an adoption, then the courts would refuse the potential applicant?????

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hello, are you still there

Customer: replied 3 years ago.


the children are 10 and 12 years old

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
My apologies for the delay.
The Judge does indeed think long and hard before granting an Adoption where the biological father does not Consent
However the wishes of the children will be seen as very important - not the deciding factor but very important.
Equally the fact that the Guardian is supporting their wishes will be seen as being of great importance
To have any chance of fighting this you will need to address the reasons why contact was refused in 2010, and almost certainly the question of the domestic incident that you refer to.
You can get assistance from the Family Rights Group (www.frg.org.uk)
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank-you for your advise,


 


No disrespect, but it was no more than I was already aware of.


One day , hopefully, Judges will begin to recognise PAS, and treat it with the same severity as any other kind of child abuse.


Until then we ," the absent fathers" will continue to suffer in silence, and our children will grow up believing everything the mothers have put into their innocent, naïve, little minds, never knowing how much we love, and fought to save our contact and relationship with them.


 


Again thank-you for your help, but I think it is a for-gone conclusion that my children will be handed to some guy that they have known for little more than 6 months of their lives, who does not actually live with them, and that possibly(God I hope I am wrong) they may find themselves back in a custody court in the none to distant future going through all of this again !!!!


 


Regards Tom


 

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Roll back - HOW long have they known the new partner and if it is only for a short period of time why exactly is this adoption going ahead?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Claire


Although they having been "dating" for about three years, he is in the forces, and only gets 60 days a year leave, even then his own family live 100 of miles away from my ex, so we can only assume some of that leave is spent with his own immediate family.


They do now have a son together but this is all part of my ex`s master plan.


Since our split in Dec, as I said before, she allowed myself and my family normal contact with the children( my children spending most weekends at my parents house) for the following 5 months,


But when I voiced concerns that she was only letting me see the children when it suited her , and also I started demanding the £30,000.00 from her bank account (money that I had saved over the years from work,,, she never worked while we were together,,,savings that she had persuaded me to put into her account while we found a high interest bank account !!) the next thing I knew was that she was taking me to court to stop me from seeing them.


(Never did get any of the money back !!)


This was the beginning of her master plan, she then told me that this was the last time myself or any of my family would see the children again.


During theXXXXXhearing, a caffcas officer was appointed to do a supervised contact session with myself and the children, for the first two sessions it was reported" that the children were happy and at ease in my company, and that they both agreed they would like to see me again. "


By the third session, the mother said they would no longer be coming to the sessions as she believed the caffcas officer was" emotionally abusing " the children by making them see me.


The mother got the officer off the case and a new guardian was appointed.


By this time the children had turned totally against myself and my family, saying they wanted nothing to do with any of us.


Remember the last time we actually had any contact with the children they were 4/6 yrs, by the end of the hearing they were 6/8yrs, and as they both by this time were saying they hated us all (the youngest depicting a picture of himself "shooting his Dad, and dropping bombs on his Nannie") the Judge went along with the guardian in her recommendations of refusing contact.


Months later my ex requested through the CSA I stop all payments.


Now years later she hooks up with this new guy, and decides to put the final nail in the coffin by applying for adoption.


Filling in all the required criteria


No parental responsibilities


Not financially supporting my children.


Not having had any contact for 5 years.


My ex is VERY clever I will give her that!!


She has known exactly how to work the system.


Master plan accomplished.


To mention every trick in the book that she has tried, over the years would take too much of your valuable time.


So that brings us to now,,,,,


Even if you can`t offer any more help or assistance, it has been good to feel that someone out there was listening , or even caring ,, just for a short while.


Many thanks for just being there.


Tom

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Actually with that history I think you may be able to put up a good fight - if you wish to
There is a clear awareness of Parental Alienation Syndrome in the Higher Judiciary and there is a real understanding of the problems caused by Judicial Delay.
It is worth putting an argument together - a Chronology set out as above - stark in its simplicity has a powerful force
You have nothing to lose by fighting - and possibly something to gain
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Once again, many thanks Clare.


As I said, due to lack of funds, I will be representing myself, at next Mondays final Hearing.


Unfortunately we live in a small town, where even though I was initially prepared to pay the fees of a barrister, she advised me that PAS is difficult to prove, and "that too much water has gone under the bridge," for anything to come out of trying to disprove any of the allegations she made against me.


What it all boils down to is " it is the children's wishes" to be adopted, no matter as to how , or why they have come to that decision.


I can only hope that if the courts go against my pursuit to have the adoption denied, that in some how , shape or form, I can get situations like mine bought to the forefront by media or some other form of intervention, to hopefully bring an end to the misguided belief that all mothers have the sole right of custody to a child , no matter how she goes about getting it!!


Very grateful for your time.


Tom


 

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
But these children are only 10 and 12 and there is no overwhelming need for an Adoption - it will make no difference to them now and there is no overwhelming reason to justify the step
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare


I understand that, and that is my view, but the guardian argues that she feels the children need the feeling of "stability and security " of a family bond, "now that they have a new sibling"


And the scenario , as the guardian puts it ;;IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THE MOTHER, THEN THE CHILDREN WANT TO BE REASHURED THAT MR X WILL HAVE THE RIGHTS OF GAUDIANSHIP, AND THAT THEY WON`T HAVE TO GO BACK TO THEM (MYSELF OR FAMILY).


Tom

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
There are other ways of doing that
A Joint Residence Order or a Special Guardianship Order.
There is clear evidence that the mother has created this situation and there are other ways of achieving "stability" without the need for Adoption.
Do not when you are at the hearing be dismissive of their relationship with their stepfather - confirm that it is important - it just doesn't need an Adoption Order to secure it
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare


I have stated all along that I have no problem with the relationship between the children and the stepfather, and if the children are happy then I can accept that the mother needs to move on.


But I find it difficult to accept that there is a need to severe the tires completely.


Apparently they talk of getting married, and for him to be leaving the forces.


I say;;


Leave the forces, find a job to financially support your new family.


Get married.


Live together for a reasonable time to see how you get along as a family unit.


Then apply for adoption, if things haven't worked out in that time ,then nothing has been lost , the children will not possibly find themselves pawns in yet another custody battle.


Tom


Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
These are excellent arguments.
Present them in a calm and focussed manner and give it your best shot
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare


Would my mother be able to act as my "Mckenzie friend"?


 

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
No reason why not
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33817
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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