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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34236
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi my partner and I are splitting and we have a 10 month old.

Resolved Question:

Hi my partner and I are splitting and we have a 10 month old. I have two older boys from a previous relationship. For our babys sake and so my partner isnt on his own too much I have suggested that I have our son for 3 nights and he have him for 4 nights. But he is being unreasonable and not agreeing. I am leaving him because of emotional abuse and just can't take it any more. I feel he is using our son as a pawn in the battle. Can you advise?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is XXXXX XXXXX
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
Who has had the day to day care of the baby until now and how is your partner suggesting it should be share din the future?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare, we both share day to day as we also work together, although because of working in a shop our son is with me upstairs during the day more than downstairs on the shop floor with my partner. Night time we see him tandem. At the moment my partner doesn't want me to have our son full stop. When I said there was no way he would be able to take my son away from me he hastily said "fine once a month". When I mentioned yesterday that I would like him Tuesday morning to Friday morning he went crazy and said no way. The reason I suggest those times is because his parents see our son on occassion on Sundays to Mondays and I have to take the other two boys to see their dad in Essex once a month on a Friday which is too long a trip for such a young child. Although what I really think is best so that the boys can see their brother more is we have him Sunday morning to Wednesday Morning. I am bending over backwards to please my partner but he just isn't interested. He blames me entirely for the breakup of the family and for the demise of the business. He doesn't understand why I want to do this. We have had a tough 3 years with our business basically "going down the toilet" and closing completely on the 5th April. So we will both be unemployed. My partner is also in constant pain in his back and taking Tramadol to relieve it (but it only takes the edge off). He's been on Tramadol for 10 years and I know it causes anger issues, particularly if he misses a dose and therefore in a lot of pain and suffering withdrawal from it. He also has constant headaches for a form of Epilepsy and is on tablets every day for that also. I know he takes it out on me the pain he is in, but I can't keep accepting it and his belitting. Although I know he loves our son dearly and he wouldn't hurt him I am worried about him being capable of looking after our son when he is in so much pain and unfortunately it is only going to get worse.


 

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
is he actually capable of caring for the baby alone?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Yes I believe so. Although he struggles to bend down sometimes and hold him for lengthy periods.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Will that not be a problem when the baby starts to be mobile?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


I think there will be. My partner won't be able to play with him on the floor or run around after him as a parent should. He has had a spinal fusion of the lower vertebrae so can't bend over as a person should, and his legs collapse on occasion when he is walking due to messages not going up the spinal cord properly. My concern also is if he has a fit from his epilepsy. It is unlikely as the meds stop it from happening, and he has not had a fit before. But there is supposedly a risk if he skips a dose. But I won't be there for our son if he does.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Then realistically should the child not be with you for the most part and spend two or three nights a week with his father?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


It would make sense but my partner is being very unreasonable and will not budge. I don't even think mediation will work. If it were to go to court what are the chances that it would lean more on my side regarding my partners health?

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
If you and your husband cannot agree an arrangement using Family mediation then it will be for the Court to decide
From all that you have said your ex is not physically capable of caring for the child AND has no understanding of the needs of the child AND you have been the main carer to date
These two points together mean that is likely that in the event of a dispute YOU will be granted a Residence Order for the baby and your ex will have contact
You can read more on these websites
http://theparentconnection.org.uk/
http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/media/168195/cb7-eng.pdf
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
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