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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33953
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi, I have a very complicated question. When I was 50 yrs old

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Hi, I have a very complicated question. When I was 50 yrs old I had sex with my ladyfriend's daughter who was roughly two weeks from her 16th birthday, after she had made herself available, almost demanding sex with me. Please don't judge me I know I was a fool and should have been stronger. This all occured some 13 years ago. The police didn't take action against me when it was bought to their attention, (by me as it happens). The crazy relationship continued (with the mothers knowledge, and unbelievably her consent), and the young lady became pregnant by me six months later. I offered to pay for a termination and offered my support throughout the whole procedure but she had wanted her own child for some time (as do many girls of that age). Her mother was elated at the news which shocked me, and it appeared that SHE was influential in the whole episode. ..... When my daughter was around 3 she came to live with me, at her mothers request. I had been there from the start and had taken responsibility for her. After approx 15 months my daughter started behaving in a 'sexualized manner' with her toys and I involved the Social Services, who turned on me and I was accused of abuse. .... Later a custody battle developed after the Social Services at Catford said they were no longer being involved as they believed (as it indeed was) a matter between the mother and father. The court EVENTUALLY gave the full residence order to the mother even though her boyfriend was in prison for street crime and drug dealing and had anger problems, and would be freed in a few short months. I was given a contact order at a supported centre which later was just used as a handover point for unsupported contact out from the centre, but no staying contact. The mother later moved several times, running from the violent boyfriend, and allowed me unsupported contact, and even later still staying contact. ... The mother stopped the staying contact but continued allowing me to have unsupervised contact. ... I made an application to the courts for staying contact and as a result the current SS have stopped all contact whatsoever and have made reports to the court that have blocked me from seeing my daughter without SUPERVISED contact. I have not seen her for about 5 months. The reports from the current SS are factually incorrect, I had a meeting over two weeks ago concerning the incorrect reports and that the had never actually seen me to make a correct assessment of me, there has been NO contact back from them even though I have left messages for them to contact me with an update. I have been enhanced CRB checked to become a cab driver which I spent 3 years doing, and enhanced CRB checked to become a support worker which I have been doing now for 17 months. Can you advise me where I go from here please, I cannot afford a solicitor and am as good as penniless since spending all the cash I could lend and muster, and almost becoming bankrupt. Please help!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old is the child now?
What was incorrect about the reports?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

My daughter is now 11, 12 in April


 


The main error in the reports was that right at the beginning it was stated that.... 'had sex shortly before her 16th birthday resulting in the subsequent birth of the child' this was seriously incorrect. The conception did not occur until six months later. There were many other inaccuracies, for example the mother accused me of manipulating her into allowing my daughter to come stay with me when in fact it was her that made the request asking me if I wanted to have my daughter for the weekend, then my daughter expected to come thereafter, as did I.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

The present Judge ordered that I was not to have contact unless it was supervised at a centre, yet the previous order (2008) was for hand over and pickup at a centre (because mother didn't want me at her house) then 1.45 minutes on our own away from the centre. it appears to me that the Social Services and Cafcass have decided themselves that I am a danger to my daughter. Yet I have had unsupported contact AND staying contact since around 2010.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
HI Dave
I have to be blunt - the inaccuracies that you refer to are not material to the issue - and the safeguarding issues when your daughter was 6 are very different to those which need to be considered now.
The issue is not simply the safety f-of your daughter - indeed it may well be that they have few concerns about her - it is also about the safety of any friends she may have who would automatically see her father as "safe"
I am sorry - I know that this seems unkind but it is important that you understand what is in the mind of the court and CAFCASS.
The approach that you need to take is to reassure them that you understand the cause of and extent of the problems - and taking issue on what are relatively minor errors will not assist.
The fact that the child was the result of an ongoing sexual relationship rather than a single event does not help your case and the other example is not conclusive either way - but the simple fact of a thirty five year age gap is always going to raise an issue of coercion in your dealings with each other
You need to look for some sort of programme which will allow you to show that you have addressed their concerns
It is more difficult to work out where you will find a suitable course - the Lucy Faithful Foundation may be able to assist
I am sorry I KNOW that this is not what you wish to hear - but sadly you need to reassure them that the relationship with your ex was out of the ordinary and there is no risk of repetition
Please ask if you need further details
Clae
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33953
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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