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familylawexpert, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 311
Experience:  Substantial experience (14yrs +) in divorce, financial cases, cohabitation, pre-nuptial agreements and civil partnerships.
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I lived with a guy for three half years I was very vunerable

Customer Question

I lived with a guy for three half years I was very vunerable after breakdown ... at renovation purchased his money 150000 ..put into my name .(Inheritance issue ) I paid every thing and I mean EVERYTHING.(he is is nasty controlling emotional blackmail sort .)..45,000 new roof thousands pounds tools ...and 20,000 pound to really make him leave me alone in excess of 100,000... I lost !..YES I WAS STUPID HEHAD ALLMY SAVINGS I THENHAD TO GET MORGAGE ONMEDICAL PENSION.(he did the same to ex £36000 evidence similar fact ).he still stalked me ..5 years on the house sold for 110,000 drop in value evidence of loan or written agreement ..IN FEAR OF LOOSING MY SANITY AND HEALTH I PROMISED TO NOT ASK FOR ANY THING BACK..and left ran .However I am a lot stronger now and now reside separate countries .I was told because I am pure of heart should not suffer ..and I TOOK proportionate loss 34000 and forwarded 76000 to him.....I did not ask ,,,so hair splitting ,,,I broke no promise .when he found out he is of the opinion it was ok for me to loose thousands ...I was so fair in returning genuine proportionate loss. I am now being stalked again serious abusive letters emails which show his mentality .. I reply to nothing . he states he is going to come and get me ,, local police will do nothing .However THE POINT he is threatening to report me for stealing my money back.he is so very tight unlikely to seek legal advice .I am re living the night mares and memories of living with him again , can I be done for stealing MY money back... I promised in desperation to get him as far away from me as possible ..but never thought I could get the opportunity to recoup part my loss. I am guessing couple joint venture civil ..desperately would love reassurance and advice as making me a pathetic mess again with his threats ...was my promise legally binding intention but could I bluff him off in a one off letter of counter claim for the rest of my loss ...which I would never get from him..i want him to go away leave me alone .pleased to see in yr cv police experience in tears I was a wpc for 18 years and feel so stupid and dealt with many idiots like this in the job.

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  familylawexpert replied 2 years ago.

My name is Mac. I can help you with your question. First I need to check my understanding and ask for a bit more information:

1. Was the house purchased for £150,000?
2. It was put into your name, but was there an agreement about how it was to be owned beneficially or shared?
3. Is it correct that you then spent about £100,000 on it?
4. Is that more or less the basis on which you divided the sale proceeds 34%/76%?
5. Did he not know the property was being sold at the time?
6. What is the "promise" to which you refer?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

The house was purchased for 150000 his money my name(as he did not want is daughter to get house.)there was no written agreement just an assumption of being a couple doing it up.


assumed both sides renovation fund from my 126000 sale of MY house .l also have medical government pension averaged 20000 per annum bet 2006 -2009.


I spent at least 75000 on renovation and tools white goods etc.landscaping plants etc.


He made me ill by wearing me down and despite his small wage of 450.00 permonth .constantly asked me to pay his Barclaycard stating he would pay me back never did when I asked he laughed said oh thought you did not mean it . Cheque book shows 1000, HE tried to get me to stay in last 3 months 2009 this is when he became verbally nasty aggressive and cruel surpassing his usual efforts.


At no time did he pay household food utility. meals out .used my car and fuel where possible,gifts for his daughter who I persuaded him to send buy card s gifts as only young girl.He even told me his lists of gifts he wanted for Christmas . then screamed the were not correct


When He had broken me he wore me down soooo much he asked virtually begged me to give him my ast 20000 for him to survive ..AS I HAD AN income .and he could not survive with out me .That's when I knew time to go nothing more than a cash cow


Yes I was totally submissive and him very controlling , heaps of emotional blackmail tantrums etc etc blahblah .

I did anything to keep the peace and to keep him away so I gave him the money .


He asked could he keep the money to survive as no work could sort himself go separate ways The carrot for me was to leave me alone .to keep peace I agreed not to ask for return of money I had put in house.My Promise was verbal nothing written legally.


He then after I got away, followed stalked distressed me by staying in my new mortgaged house ..3 days later I found my voice whoopeei got angry and brave ..he even told lies to borrow friend sat nav had my address plumbed in , got him to leave .

He then 6 months later went to Australia life of riley found new life and work kinda voided his part ...having a jolly at my expense at least far away.


He knew house being sold as I had to sign no evidence of loan etc in my name .


house sold ,an official who heard story ,when I offered ex bank details .was gobsmacked that I was prepared to walk away from that law he could only give me the money due to property market dropping house sold 110000, The official suggested I should take proportionate loss he worked it out as he felt that because I was pure of heart as he put is should not be expected to loose so much.It was not a decision I made lightly I do not Break promises .and he described my ex as a leech!


I asked for travel expenses to go for the house sale and pointed out loss of work .no comment from ex.


For three years emailed and kept polite and to avoid all confrontation and intimidation from him ...emailed on odd occasion that yes he could keep the money ...and that I would not ask for it back THATS THE PROMISE.


I am honest and have never broken a promise that was a choice as it were..


The ex never thought I would have the backbone to go against horrendous abusive emails (slowed now) tried begging to my better nature ...then threats intimidation , now threats legal me for stealing the money I Gave him and put into the house estimate no less 100000


he is so tight doubt he will do that..


I have written all that blurb to give you idea why I have been so stupid in my defence what a manipulative man he was.


So need some light at the end of the tunnel reassurance

...where do I stand in your opinion...








Expert:  familylawexpert replied 2 years ago.
Hello Wendy,

If this matter was to go to Court, which it only would do if he made an application to the Court, then a judge would be primarily interested in:
- the state of any agreement that you had at the time of the purchase,
- the amount of money that you both contributed, and
- whether the two of you varied your agreement at any time after that.
He will not be very interested in anything else, as that will not be very relevant to his decision.

So, I do agree that you should write to him. You have a plausible justification for dividing the proceeds as you did. In addition, he lives a long distance away and litigation would be expensive for him (and you).

I would write to him, but you should take care to keep your letter as factual as possible (not full of colour about his treatment of you, such as you understandably added above). I would assert that:
- the property was purchased in your name as a joint renovation project,
- you both contributed substantial funds to the property,
- you have divided the proceeds broadly in accordance with those contributions,
- if he makes an application to the court, you will defend it and seek a costs order against him when his application fails,
- you will not respond to any further communication from him that is abusive.

Essentially, I would stick to a variation of that line whatever he says. Ultimately if he makes an application, you will need to take that seriously, but I would give him nothing but the above up to that point. There's a good chance he will not make that application.

I hope that is helpful. If you would like me to clarify anything, please ask. If not, I would be grateful if you could rate my answer.

familylawexpert, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 311
Experience: Substantial experience (14yrs +) in divorce, financial cases, cohabitation, pre-nuptial agreements and civil partnerships.
familylawexpert and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you at last someone that has sounded a little more common sense and prepared to listen as it were .


I clearly understand your comment of being careful of keeping the emotion out and facts in in any potential reply .


I think my last question to you remains

..In my circumstances

would a spoken promise made so obviously under duress to keep the peace and him away legally binding .


I simply can,t see how I can be accused of stealing my own money or be considered culpable if a court is a place of justice . Thank you for your advice and knowledge .it has helped me settle a bit ..I will be sending a report of excellent service .

Expert:  familylawexpert replied 2 years ago.

Thank you. I'm glad to be of help.

Can you tell me exactly what the promise was, and when it was given?

Expert:  familylawexpert replied 2 years ago.
Hi Wendy,

Can you give me a bit more information on the promise that was given, and when it was given?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Morning ,

The promise was made in september /october 2009.


QUOTE FROM EX....I was asked " can you give me money to survive as can,t get work i can not pay the bills after all you have an income ( meaning my medical pension) I willl be able to get on , then we can lead seperate lives .


This was after he had frog marched me the laywers the day after they thought i had thyroid problems and had not ruled out cancer.i had chest pain mimmicking heart chest pain traspired Serious palputation, pnemonia and low immune .and had lost a lot of weight ...this was as a result of living with a man of this temperament .


he at no point asked after my health , just to keep his assets in house safe .

He signed all over to me in the event of his death...and i vice versa (subsquently cancelled on my part )JOINT INTERESTS THAT SUGGESTS TO ME .


He then the following day after I transfered 20000pounds asked than would i promise to not ask for the money back stipulation I guess was to ask that he leave me alone he agreed .


Once the money was in his account he became very nasty awkward again inclusive of throwing small dog that stole a piece of cake twice on to a concrete floor ...and then screaming at me to F OFF and it was horrendous .


I stayed until i had found a small house (I got permission to move into the house on the qt with no water electric or bathroom which could not be added til sale complete thats how desperate i was .) ...which i had give him the last of all my savings i incurred the cost of interest on a morgage purely to get away and keep the peace ...


I think it was December he broke his inferred promise to me and stalked me by telling friends his sat nav was broken no one would give my new add. ( my address was plumbed into theirs as they helped me move in .)


For 3 days i shook , didn,t sleep and cried alot as he decided he would use the excuse of helping me ...and wanted to know why "we "hadn,t found a place like this! he stayed on settee i paid for all in those three days as he said he had to watch his pennys .


4th day am i had gotten so beside my self this voice from within screamed at him to leave ...he became aperplectic with rage ..that i dare finally said go away leave me alone .

I reminded him of his promise to leave me alone .


He ahd previously goto a phyciatrist staying I should stay as he was mentally being a soft gullable pratt believed him ...when relationship finished he stated that he was no longer going as he only did that to get me to stay .


When I left he asked to keep alot of my stuff just to sell the house .As his stuff old n tatty ..I said yes to keep the peace .He told me that I could have numerous items ...

When house sold i discovered he had taken all to Australia or sold with house.



the promise i made was centered around him surviing at his current address.

but then he left the country and went to australia .where he met someone .became a mature student to obtain right to stay n work and now has had employment in Australia .


I remained extreamly civel by email as to keep him calm and arms length.


This is not the easiest of questions you would have had to of dealt with but due to these intracies ..i felt better you had full history . to see potential full relevant fors and against as it were.





Expert:  familylawexpert replied 2 years ago.
Is that £20,000 part of the money that you put into the house (at least, when you calculated the division)?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

The sum of 20000 was badgered out of me with emotional blackmail with the dangeling carrot that he would then leave me alone as we would go our seperate ways and he could get on with his life


,,it was seperate to all the money i put into the house .it was a last one off payment "alledegedly help him survive as he felt he could not afford to live ... I spoke with my closest friends who had met him .they felt that his character ..It may have been the only way to buy him off my freeedom if you like ....I was very poorly by then and so desperate for him to leave me i said he had one last go ..then i found my voice .Throough out this time i was in the relationship he received 450.00 per month as odd job man from a family .. he was simply so tight he never spent a penny .

BUT instead he used the money to get to australia where able to start afresh and find work . at no time offered any thing back .I knew not to ask .

I was had over yet again.

My biggest fault was being either nice caring and commpassionate combined with total stupidy...and he took full advantage .


I am simply trying to rectify my prortionate loss .and stand up for myself more than fair due to to the drop in value of property i would not wish to be of a lower standing of morals .





Expert:  familylawexpert replied 2 years ago.
I remain of the view that he is unlikely to actually pursue proceedings. However, if he does, then you will be able to set out your full story to the Court and see how the Court viewed the pressure that he put you under.

I wish you all the best for the future.

Kind regards,
familylawexpert, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 311
Experience: Substantial experience (14yrs +) in divorce, financial cases, cohabitation, pre-nuptial agreements and civil partnerships.
familylawexpert and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you .I suppose one word against the other ,,,but at least I have the evidence of his temperament sadly the threats by email , letters, card, post card ,,,,my old bank statements ..etc ,

,,Still not nice having to look over your shoulder again just in case he does come over and carry out his intimidation and beware threats ,I now never leave my dogs at home.....



I re rated as previous stated I would have to pay I did .then after found the bonus bit.


so I hope it goes on your tab.



Expert:  familylawexpert replied 2 years ago.
Thank you very much. I wish you all the best.


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