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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34106
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi there, I am a mum living with a new partner with my child

Resolved Question:

Hi there, I am a mum living with a new partner with my child of nearly 2. I split up with my ex-partner now (the father and never married) for over a year and things have been very amicable. However he has since asked if he can take my child away for two weeks (three weekends), in which I have asked him if he could reduce this time away from me and telling him that 10 days is enough time to be away from his mum. He is not happy with my proposal and has since been quoting me phrases stating about his ‘shared parental rights’. Where do I stand? I have no problems about my son being with his father but I felt that 16/17 days away from me, especially at his age was too much. I also want to take my son away with my new partner, in which we both felt that a week is sufficient at his age. Any advice or guidance would be greatly appreciated.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
What contact does your child have with his father at the moment?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi Clare, the father has him two nights a week and every other weekend. In the week he picks him up around 6 pm, ready for his bedtime around 7 ish. Then the father drops him back around 7am the next day.

At the moment when my son is ill, I tend to look after him and take time out from my job. During the times when I'm working (as I rent a small house) my son is at nursery which I pay for. The father has never helped me here, and I pay for this care.

Thanks
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
What is the longest time he has had the child in his care?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


Hi Clare,


 


The longest was last years holiday with his father, which was a week (7days).

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Where is he wishing to take him?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi, in the UK Devon then into Cornwall so about aXXXXXfrom we're I live.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Have you ever been to mediation to discuss the arrangements (such as why he doesn't take the child to nursery when he has him overnight)
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
No, we haven't spoken or obtained any legal advice as yet. Hence the discussion with yourself. What do you advice? Should we obtain further legal guidance?
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Before answering - may I ask about the mid week overnights - what time is he actually spending with the child on those nights?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He normally picks him up around 6 pm, and I assume he goes to bed around 7 ish. When he's with me he goes to bed around 7:15 pm. In the week the father normally has him twice (on average). Typically Tuesdays and Thursdays.I guess He sees him for about 2 hrs max during evening, and may be an hour in the morning
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Does this work for the child?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
It does but a he's started nursery he does like his rest, especially in the mornings as he's woken up to leave to allow his dad to go to work.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Can the father not make other arrangements for those mornings?
At present the arrangement is not really child focussed - which makes me ask - can he actually cope with the child for a fortnight?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare


Could you elaborate further, regadring arrangements. I think he can cope as he plans to spend one week with his own parents and the second with his new girlfriend. The other thying in which i think he will challenge me on is the fact that i also want to take my son away with me and my new partner abroad but only for one week (as i felt this time was adequate).


 


Am i right in thinking that i need a signiture from him?

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
If you wish to take the child abroad you do indeed need either the fathers agreement or an Order form the court.
On the face of it his request for two weeks is not totally unreasonable - but since it appears he is not actually going some where specific for a fortnight there is no reason why the two trips could not be separated - of he could return on the second Friday or something similar
It may be sensible to try and discuss matters with him using Family mediation (www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk) so that there is a neutral referee involved.
My concern with the mis week arrangement is that there seems little in it for your son - and it is built around your ex's convenience - but if you are content with it and the child is happy then all is well!
It is always better if parents can agree - Court Orders are never flexible.
These sites may assist
http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/media/168195/cb7-eng.pdf
http://theparentconnection.org.uk/
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Clare and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you