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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34263
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi my ex husband has just written me a letter regarding seeing

Resolved Question:

Hi my ex husband has just written me a letter regarding seeing the children, it has been 5 1/2 years since they last saw him as I stopped contact due to concerns of their well being his last try at contact was 01/09/2009 where do I stand? The children say they don't want to see him they are 13,12 and 10, CSS had to get a deductions of earnings order against him to ensure payments he has at least £5000.00 arrears with them, no birthday or Christmas cards received either yet he obviously has our address.
Thanks in advance
Yvonne
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
What were your concerns five years ago?
What has he asked for now?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
All 3 were sleeping together on a sofa bed downstairs unattended, have 2 girls and a boy, youngest one would come home and have nightmares and wet the bed despite being dry since 2 1/2 , she also sat up poorly one night as he kept shouting at them and she was to scared to tell him she felt unwell, late bringing back often with no tea, and despite numerous requests I never had an address for where they were staying. My son would come home withdrawn and not talk would take until he was due back again to bring him out of shell,Also insisted that they were never left alone with his father as he had sexually molested his daughter and he did leave them overnight in his presence. These are the major concerns I had.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He has asked for day access to the children and contact
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
The last reason is a big one!
Has your ex taken any action prior to this letter?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I know! No no action just tried ringing and texting for the first couple of months but no legal action or letters, last attempt at contact via text/call was 01/09/2009
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
How resistant are the children - would they be willing to give it a go in a controlled environment to see if he has moved on and is genuinely interested?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Adamant they don't want to see him, feel they couldn't go through that again and youngest feels "icky" when he's talked about.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
It is the age range which is a problem.
The elder two are of the age where their wishes are likely to be decisive - but the younger one is not.
This does not mean that anything is certain - it is just a reflection of the potential difficulties you may face.
The starting point is to offer to discuss matters with your ex using Family mediation (www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk) and a mediator trained to work with young people.
this will ensure that your children can express their wishes to an independent person - which will be useful if your ex choses to apply to the court.
If he does do not panic - given all the issues there is a good chance that no contact will be ordered
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask fi you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
So you think I should answer the letter? Was personally going to ignore or put back that they have no desire to see him and see what happens from there. My eldest is about to start gcses middle child is in first year at grammar school and youngest is about to do sats and start revision for 11+ I really don't want them disrupted ona whim can't understand why it's been left so long.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Well you know him better than I!
Either option has something going for it - but if he pushes you must offer the Mediation so that you pick the mediator
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you so much
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
You are most welcome - i hope all goes well
Clare
Clare and 2 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you