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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33283
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I have a 4 month old baby boy with my ex who left me while

Customer Question

I have a 4 month old baby boy with my ex who left me while I was pregnant. He started by coming to see him twice a week for an hour and I said I would up this slowly. He is not on the birth certificate. He requested mediation when baby was 3 weeks and we only went last week. I have agreed for an extra two hours on a Saturday so now sees him at my house 3 times a week. He wants he baby on his own for the weekend, I have explained that because I am breastfeeding this isn't possible (I also don't feel that the baby should stay overnight for some time, even when he does have him alone). He now has said that he wants me to take the baby to his house so he can get used to his 'new surroundings'. He lives quite far away and this is something I feel should come at a later date just prior to him having the baby alone. He has repeatedly turned up late and left early for his contact times. He has also lied about having to work on a visitation day then gone elsewhere for the day. He now says he wants to go back to mediation and then court. What will he get if his happens? Thanks
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How far away does he live?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello firstly I mis typed and the baby is 3 months not 4 months. His dad lives about a 40 minute drive away. When we went to mediation he said that it would be a hassle for him to get here and would be expensive three times a week. We explained that contact is better little and often at this time. When he then asked if I could bring he baby to him he said well I could come and get you and take you back, I found this confusing as I didn't understand why it is expensive to come three times a week but he can afford to do the journey double that to come get me and bring me back. I also do not want to be alone with him in the car.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
have you discussed also using a Contact Centre?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He has said that if I don't bring agree to take him to his now then he will go back to mediation, then court and arrange to see him at a contact centre. He has been coming here quite happily for the last 13 weeks and would still need to travel near me to the contact centre. I would prefer my baby to be in his own surroundings
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Do you leave your baby alone with his father during visits?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I haven't so far as whenever I ask if he wants to do things for the baby (change nappy, wind etc) he refuses. we discussed this at mediation and we agreed hat when this started happening that I would and he would get me if baby needs feeding. He isn't really happy with this he just wants to take the baby away.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Contact in your home is never likely to work well - and I am sure that you also find it uncomfortable - nor is it appropriate for you to have to go on the car with him.
There is also no chance that the father will have overnight contact straight away - first he has to build a relationship with and show that he can care for the baby - and it is clear already that he has little understanding of this
However moving the contact to a contact centre is likely to be seen as being a good idea as it is a place that you can be sure that the child is safe and let him learn what it is actually like to be responsible for a baby - and where you have back up if there is a problem.
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare

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