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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33321
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Is it illegal to be secretly in contact with a child without

Customer Question

Is it illegal to be secretly in contact with a child without the parents knowing? I am not talking about sex, I am talking about a couple influencing a child against the parents from the age of eight mainly by telephone over a period of years.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
For clarity the "child" in question is now an adult and a parent?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare, The child in question is now 35, married with 2 children one aged 2 and a half, the other 1 and a half.Her husband told me after their engagement in 2009 that he had met and liked the couple in question. By his manner he certainly doesn't like me, but I have never argued etc with him.


From his mother's behaviour it is obvious to me his parents are involved directly or indirectly with the couple and have been since the engagement,which by the way I was told was a surprise engagement. Discovered from another source later it had been planned for months.



Paul's mother's behaviour to me has been rude and offensive since the first moment I met her at the engagement party! But it is acceptable to my daughter and her husband. His mother told me by phone Christmas 2011 indirectly that there were 3 names for grandmothers, I had one, she wanted one of the others and was told she wasn't allowed that one .)



My daughter asked me if the couple could come to her week long wedding in France in 2010. I refused mainly because when I was last in contact with couple as friends in 1908 , they behaved in a superior, controlling manner on several occasions for no obvious reason (particularly the wife but the husband has revealed himself as a dark horse in recent years). It is like there is a master plan somewhere and that was the next thing to do) which was totally abhorent to me and I broke off contact with them, not realising at that time my daughter's exact relationship with them. I am now not asked if this couple can come to family events, they don't come but I am' punished' in some way for it. My daughter has got her elder brother involved. At the children's Christening last June my son spluttered in laughter at me when I went up to him to say hello and never actually said a word to me all day. It was upsetting.


Of course I cannot accuse, it is very cleverly done. The couple are manipulating others from a distance.


In the period between the engagement and wedding I became ill with an overactive thyroid gland and had to have hospital treatment for it. My daughter told me to stop pretending. I was 65 years old.No compassion. Everything is very harsh. I feel like this pressure on me will continue until I die, or am not able to look after my affairs when they will they hope take them over with my children's agrreement and I will then be bossed around by them and maybe my children also!



Looking on the bright side, I am now very fit and I'm getting married


again in September!




The couple in question are clever particularly the husband, they have 2 grown up children,


They have money but I think they'd like mine, or to control mine.Their attitude behind the scenes is quite vicious in intention in my opinion . I have wondered what my husband or I have done, can't think of anything. My father, who is dead, when on the one and only occasion the couple


asked if they could take my son out one Sunday they took him to a river with their children. They brought him back to my parents where we were


were. My father was furious with me because they had taken him near water, saying people always save their own children first. I replied I didn't


know where in the countryside they were going.



It feels like they are trying to get revenge for something maybe.but I don't know what. Maybe they are not normal?



 


Since the Christening a year ago things have gone more wrong for me.Maybe I am no longer necessary now i have appeared at the Christening in front of all Sara's friends, many of whom I know from her school and university days.



I looked after the children when asked, my daughter was on 1 year's maternity leave. When I picked up a child her husband always received me in his underpants, and when she came to my house to get child she could never stay a minute. I didn't complain


.


Last November I was asked to babysit. When they came back my daughter's face was transfixed in anger and her husband told me with a grin that his mother will be looking after the children in future, I should have asked if I wanted to too late now. I was assuming I would be asked to continue. He said that I could babysit them in the evening when asked and wake them up to talk to them( because i would not see them otherwise. My daughter and family never visit, I never see them at Christmas etc)


I left quietly and two days later sent a text to my daughter saying I found


it was not in the children's interest to be woken up in the night and I did not want to babysit. I haven't seen the children since then, November 14th, 2014. I have twice sent a text saying I would like to look after my grandchildren one afternoon a week. No reply.


My daughter told me when asked that she wasn't angry with me but with another person.


I suspect they may have been out locally with the couple, who wanted to come in and confront me, and my daughter's husband agreed but she didn't want to allow it but that is just a guess on my part. Something happened or they pretended something happened.


The outcome is I am not in contact with my grandchildren, my daughter `emailed that she never thought I would break off contact with her and the children,she incredibly returned to me £20,000 she had owed me for 10 years. I have not seen her or her family since the aforementioned babysitting evening except one morning when I drove down her street


at 9.30am to park in an adjacent street. Her husband was about to cycle to work and she was bending to strap the baby Atlas into his pushchair.


I was hurrying to join my partner and purchase cinema tickets.Her street is a public street. Paul noticed me and ran to Sara like he'd seen a monster. She bowed her head.. I drove on.


His behaviour upset me deeply and took me a while to get over.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare, The child in question is now 35, married with 2 children one aged 2 and a half, the other 1 and a half.Her husband told me after their engagement in 2009 that he had met and liked the couple in question. By his manner he certainly doesn't like me, but I have never argued etc with him.


From his mother's behaviour it is obvious to me his parents are involved directly or indirectly with the couple and have been since the engagement,which by the way I was told was a surprise engagement. Discovered from another source later it had been planned for months.



Paul's mother's behaviour to me has been rude and offensive since the first moment I met her at the engagement party! But it is acceptable to my daughter and her husband. His mother told me by phone Christmas 2011 indirectly that there were 3 names for grandmothers, I had one, she wanted one of the others and was told she wasn't allowed that one .)



My daughter asked me if the couple could come to her week long wedding in France in 2010. I refused mainly because when I was last in contact with couple as friends in 1908 , they behaved in a superior, controlling manner on several occasions for no obvious reason (particularly the wife but the husband has revealed himself as a dark horse in recent years). It is like there is a master plan somewhere and that was the next thing to do) which was totally abhorent to me and I broke off contact with them, not realising at that time my daughter's exact relationship with them. I am now not asked if this couple can come to family events, they don't come but I am' punished' in some way for it. My daughter has got her elder brother involved. At the children's Christening last June my son spluttered in laughter at me when I went up to him to say hello and never actually said a word to me all day. It was upsetting.


Of course I cannot accuse, it is very cleverly done. The couple are manipulating others from a distance.


In the period between the engagement and wedding I became ill with an overactive thyroid gland and had to have hospital treatment for it. My daughter told me to stop pretending. I was 65 years old.No compassion. Everything is very harsh. I feel like this pressure on me will continue until I die, or am not able to look after my affairs when they will they hope take them over with my children's agrreement and I will then be bossed around by them and maybe my children also!



Looking on the bright side, I am now very fit and I'm getting married


again in September!




The couple in question are clever particularly the husband, they have 2 grown up children,


They have money but I think they'd like mine, or to control mine.Their attitude behind the scenes is quite vicious in intention in my opinion . I have wondered what my husband or I have done, can't think of anything. My father, who is dead, when on the one and only occasion the couple


asked if they could take my son out one Sunday they took him to a river with their children. They brought him back to my parents where we were


were. My father was furious with me because they had taken him near water, saying people always save their own children first. I replied I didn't


know where in the countryside they were going.



It feels like they are trying to get revenge for something maybe.but I don't know what. Maybe they are not normal?



 


Since the Christening a year ago things have gone more wrong for me.Maybe I am no longer necessary now i have appeared at the Christening in front of all Sara's friends, many of whom I know from her school and university days.



I looked after the children when asked, my daughter was on 1 year's maternity leave. When I picked up a child her husband always received me in his underpants, and when she came to my house to get child she could never stay a minute. I didn't complain


.


Last November I was asked to babysit. When they came back my daughter's face was transfixed in anger and her husband told me with a grin that his mother will be looking after the children in future, I should have asked if I wanted to too late now. I was assuming I would be asked to continue. He said that I could babysit them in the evening when asked and wake them up to talk to them( because i would not see them otherwise. My daughter and family never visit, I never see them at Christmas etc)


I left quietly and two days later sent a text to my daughter saying I found


it was not in the children's interest to be woken up in the night and I did not want to babysit. I haven't seen the children since then, November 14th, 2014. I have twice sent a text saying I would like to look after my grandchildren one afternoon a week. No reply.


My daughter told me when asked that she wasn't angry with me but with another person.


I suspect they may have been out locally with the couple, who wanted to come in and confront me, and my daughter's husband agreed but she didn't want to allow it but that is just a guess on my part. Something happened or they pretended something happened.


The outcome is I am not in contact with my grandchildren, my daughter `emailed that she never thought I would break off contact with her and the children,she incredibly returned to me £20,000 she had owed me for 10 years. I have not seen her or her family since the aforementioned babysitting evening except one morning when I drove down her street


at 9.30am to park in an adjacent street. Her husband was about to cycle to work and she was bending to strap the baby Atlas into his pushchair.


I was hurrying to join my partner and purchase cinema tickets.Her street is a public street. Paul noticed me and ran to Sara like he'd seen a monster. She bowed her head.. I drove on.


His behaviour upset me deeply and took


me a while to get over.



What can I do to get contact with my grandchildren?



What can I do to get this couple off my back?



Was their relationship with my daughter at eight years legal?



My daughter may well wish to distance herself from this couple, I don't know.


What can she do if she does?



Regards,


Linda Lomri

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

The child in question is now an adult and a parent and has got her husband and his family involved with this couple too and her older brother,and younger sister slightly .All of course to my detriment and very probably hers and theirs too.


I am no longer in contact with my grandchildren.


Linda Lomri


 

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I am sorry but there is no action that you can take against this couple - they have done nothing legally wrong.
They can have no control over you now or in the future.
So far as seeing your grandchildren is concerned I suggest that you and your new partner ask to discuss this with your daughter and her husband using Family Mediation.
I suggest that you do not mention this other couple at all = but instead concentrate on the fact that you wish to see her and the children
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dear Clare, My partner and I are getting married in September. Do you think it would be a good idea to go for mediation before or after the wedding?


Also where do we find family mediation?


Linda

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
When did you last see the grand children?
Clare

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