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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34234
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Disagreement with where my son lives, still married but have

Customer Question

Disagreement with where my son lives, still married but have been sepearated for five years and have verbally agreed in the past that he lives with mum during the week and me at weekends. I want to change this arrangement so he lives with me during the week and mum at weekends during term time.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old is the child and why do you wish to change the current arrangements?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare,

The child is 8 years old.

I wish to change the arrangement for a variety of reasons

i) as there have some been some problems with him getting to school on time and at least one letter has been sent to his mum from the school. This is mirrored that when l come and collect my son at the weekend he is already not ready.

ii) He needs more help with his school work which l dont think his mum is providing. He never has his homework book with him. So l dont know what to do with him at weekends. His mum tells me that my son always forgets it. Surely as she is picking him up from school she should be reminding him. Apparently lm in the wrong other this.

iii) my sons behaviour when with his mum and myself is completely different. for instance she has gone to her GP to get medicine to help him sleep as she says she cannot get him to go to bed. l do not have this problem and although you get the usual moans about not wanting to go to bed he does go. generally l think she has problems imposing boundaries


Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Have school raised any of these issues with you?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

No, but l will be contacting the school to see of they share the same concerns.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
What time do you collect and deliver him at present?
How often do you visit the school?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Normally, collect at 09:40 on Saturday and drop him back at 18:30.


For the last few weeks he has been staying with me due to his mum having an operation. So my girldlfriend has been taking and collecting from school as l have to work and can't be flexible with my hours.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Drop back at 18:30 on a sunday

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
How long has he been with you?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Would it be easier to do this over the telephone?


For the last two weeks. Mum would like him back Sunday evening as normal

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
I am afraid the only contact permitted is via this forum.
You and your ex his need to negotiate the change in arrangements using Family mediation (
If agreement cannot be reached then you will need to apply to the courts for a Child arrangement Order
Rather than simply reversing the current arrangements it may be sensible instead to simple try and rebalance the time he spends with each of you.
It is highly unlikely that the court will move from him staying six nights a week with his mother to his just spending one - however you could suggest that you collect the child from school on a Friday and return him to school on a monday - that way you can make sure that homework is done at the weekends.
Alternatively you can look at alternate full weekends plus two nights a week
You need to show that you can not only prioritise his educational needs - but also his need to spend time with his mother
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details