My daughter and her husband are going through a legal separation She has been so ill she has been unable to fully look after the children,but has improved so has them fairly regularly as her husband works shifts. Because of her OCD we have not been allowed to visit them. If I approach her husband and ask to see them when they are with him, she would see this as a betrayal. What can we do ?.
Since last September the children have lived with their dad in the family home. Originally in Dec 2013, he was ordered to leave as he had become physically abusive, so my daughter struggled on with her severe illness to try and cope with looking after the children. I and other family members had the children from time to time. They were never in school on time as she used to stay up all night cleaning endlessly, so at one stage school and social services were involved. They are 8yrs and 5yrs. She finally crashed and had a week in hospital, while I helped her hubby with the children and cleaned the house etc. He moved back in and refused her access. She stayed with friends local to her home and they staggered towards a kind of truce, where after 5 months she rented a house and he sends the children to her most weeks as he works complicated shifts as an airport airline controller. The agreement is not yet legal- but she has set in motion a separation via her solicitor. For months he gave her no money, but is now contributing some towards her rent and she is being given legal advice re this. However, she is still far from well She is very afraid of pollutants, so if one has been near petrol (or a dog in our case) she cannot cope.
At Christmas, this year she finally agreed to come to us to stay with the children for a week or so, inspite of the dog, who she grew up with, but I have not seen them since. I ring and chat and send gifts and have paid for her solicitor, but when asked if I can pop over to bring holiday gifts she has asked me to buy them, she can't cope with the idea. She cannot handle anything through the post, or anything anyone else has washed in their machine, or clothes bought in a shop where there is food sold e.g. Sainsburys. So their Easter eggs are still sitting here.
For the first time in 8 years I was unable to go over for my grandsons
birthday party this week as she sees us as polluted. ( I should add that we live in an immaculate house in Parkstone Poole, which is far from polluted!) This mental illness is crippling.
My only option would be to ask my son n law if I could see them when they are with him, but she would see this as a betrayal, as she intends in the long term to sue for full custody of the children via divorce and to this end is desperate to prove she can now cope alone. If I mention to him that she is not allowing us access, he has further evidence against her.
I am broken hearted, as we have done so much for her and the children emotionally and financially till now and am at a loss as to any rights I have to see them.
I hope this gives you a fuller picture