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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34263
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I have 3 children age 16,13and 8. My 13 year old has decided

Resolved Question:

I have 3 children age 16,13'and 8. My 13 year old has decided he wants to live with his dad because he dosent like discipline. I am absolutley devastated. It has upset the whole family. Instead of his dad encouraging him to come back to me it feel he is doing it to hurt me.
It has upset all the family and now my 8 year old doesn't want to go to her dads this weekend because of it. I have a court order which sets out the times they go to there dads. If my 8 year old dosent want to go this weekend can I get in trouble.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
i am not sure I understand why the 8 year old does not wish to go?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
She says she just wants to stay with me. I think she has a fear that her dad will try and do the same to her. He is very manipulating. And I know he has manipulated my son instead of encouraging my son to come home as a decent parent would he has taken advantage to do this just to hurt me. She just wants things back how they were. It has affected her at school she had to have a day off because she was too upset to go.how I was going to explain to her dad was that she doesn't want to stay this weekend with you because she is very upset with her brother not coming home I don't think you realise how it's affected the whole family. we shall see how she feels next week . If it's just a one off that she doesn't want to go this weekend can I get in trouble because of the court order
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Technically yes you are breaching the court order and if your ex decides to make an application to the curt to enforce the order you could technically - be fined - but it is very unlikely
However in terms of the overall situation do try not to rise to your ex's baiting - for your sake an your son.
If you project the idea that you are fine with your son trying out a new living arrangement then there is more chance of him returning when both he and his father discover that full time care is less fun than visiting contact
Yes I know you will shed many tears in private - i know all too well - but simply force a smile and remind your son you love him and that your door is always open to him and that you expect to see him on alternate weekends (when you will of course cook his favourite food....) but you will NOT do his washing...
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi thank you for your reply. My son wont speak to me or come round to my house. He has been manipulated by his father. From the beginning of us spitting up nearly 5 years ago he has been wanting to get the children off me. He is very bitter. It's not as though he dosent see them he has them one week from sat at 5pm till Tuesday 1 30pm then week 2 he has them from sun 5pm till Tuesday 130pm. He will not be satisfied until he gets them off me. He just wants to destroy me.I feel as a responsible father he should be encouraging my son to come back and I told him this on the phone but he just put the phone down on me. I can't believe that all this has happened over me trying to decipline him over a text of his I saw on his phone calling me a bitch to his dad. But the girls have told me his dad lets him use that kind of language at his house. I really don't know what to do
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
I do understand how lost you feel at this moment.
HOWEVER you are a good mother and will continue to be so.
Do NOT give your ex the satisfaction of letting him see how unhappy you are.
Simply say to the girls that of course your home is still your son's home as well and be sure to send him a letter whenever the girls see him.
The letter should be light and not emotional - reminding him of important dates and being encouraging and reminding him that you still wish to see him
Continue to be actively involved at school
Clare
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