How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33290
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
13262538
Type Your Family Law Question Here...
Clare is online now

Hi there My wife has filed for divorce and I have two concerns. One,

Customer Question

Hi there
My wife has filed for divorce and I have two concerns.
One, that the grounds are tenuous at best and highly manipulative and untrue at worst. Although I agree that the marriage has broken down, I do not want to sit back and take the lies that has been stated on the petition.
Secondly, because of this, I do not want to be eligible for the costs of proceedings. I have given my wife £17000 in lumps sums since january, this rises to £21000 if you include the bills I have been paying for the house she is living in, and £25000 if you include the credit card and loan payments which we have used during our marriage.
I feel that I already have been well and truely taken advantage of, it was I who was in an abusive relationship and now it feels that I may have to pay for the priviledge of being taken to the cleaners by an unkind and unrealistic person.
please help!
Kind regards
Chris
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
Do any of the allegations involve violence at all?
is your ex using a Solicitor?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

No, no allegations of violence.


She has mentioned that I was under investigation for use 'of excessive force' during a restraint of a violent pupil at school. Citing my behaviour as erracitc.


However, this soon turned out to be a dreadful mistake on the part of the school. The head of specialist intervention and teaching for all of Sussex, who wrote the East sussex policy on restraint and is head of one of the only Outstanding special schools in the country, mr Frank Stanford, came and spoke at the hearing on my behalf having had the opportunity to view all of the evidence, including CCTV footage.


he remarked that it was very low level. No sanction was issued and I received a settlement agreement of £24000 (which my wife has subsequently spent)


There are no specific allegations of violence. I am one of the most placid people you could meet.I beleive that this is a prime example of highly maipulative behaviour on the part of my wife.


Regards


Chris

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Is she using a Solicitor?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


Yes she is, am at work so can't remember the name, but can get if I call my sister at home?

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
No need!
Write to her solicitor and say that you deny all the allegations in the Petition BUT will not defend it if your ex withdraws the claim for costs.
This will mean you still get the divorce (at her cost), you have not admitted the allegations and she pays the court and solicitors fees
It will not effect the eventual financial outcome.
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi there


Thank you for answering my question.


Unfortunately, as I suspected, my wife's behaviour is becoming more threatening, bizarre and vindictive.


I looked after my children this evening whilst she went out and she had locked me out of the bedroom where I would have put the children to bed, stating that it was full of her personal possessions and that her solicitor had told her she could do this.


Is there any grounds on which she could do this? The mortgage and bills are and have been paid by me since the house was bought. I am also concerned that she is putting her own personality disorder before the genuine needs of the children.


When she came back, she started threatening me, saying 'do not test me...I'm scared of how far I will go...careers, nothing matters....I will go the full way.'


This was a bizarre display of behaviour.


I believe that I have been in an abusive relationship and that her behaviour is now following classic patterns of the break up of an abusive relationship (even though she filed the petition)


I believe that she is about to make false allegations and/or bizarre claims in order to gain full custody of the children, although the motivation and rationale for such behaviour cannot be truly understood. She is displaying the identifiable characteristics of an abuser and of false allegation cases. For example: the allegations have started and escalated after the legal action has commenced, there is a history on her side of family dysfunction with high conflict and hidden underlying issues.The female abuser is often histrionic or borderline personality, and she displays all the characteristics of this. Also, her hatred towards me supplants the interests of the children even though she claims that all is in the interests of them.


My concern is what I can do to protect myself against any future allegations and the interests of the children against such unpredictable and unpleasant behaviour and what is the best way to do it when she is trying to get me to pay her legal costs also?


Kind regards


Chris

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
How old are the children?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

One and three

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
And she locked you out of their bedroom?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

It is normally where they sleep, but 'tonight' they suddenly had their own rooms and she locked the bedroom where we usually watch a bit of television and have books before going to sleep. It was a very sudden change of routine!


 

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
But there was no real problem for the children in this?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Well, it made things more difficult and was a break from the normal routine. Can she lock me out of rooms in my own house?

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
There are two issues here
If she has private papers she does not wish you to see then it is not unreasonable to lock then away
Locking a whole room seems excessive - but equally there is no reason for you to take any action since you do not at present need access to that room.
She is trying to provoke you - ignore it
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

But what if her behaviour becomes increasingly vindictive, possibly affecting the children and/or the possibility of untrue allegations. My fear is there is no telling what she might do, or try to do! How can I protect myself?

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
You protect yourself by never reacting to her provocations
Most successful allegations arise from a provocation that is reacted to however mildly- so grit your teeth and dont
Clare

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Thank you so much for your help. Your answers were really useful and came back so quickly. Great! Maggie
< Previous | Next >
  • Thank you so much for your help. Your answers were really useful and came back so quickly. Great! Maggie
  • A quick response, a succinct and helpful answer in simple English. I believe I can now confront the counter party with confidence -- worth the 30 bucks! Rick
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Kasare

    Kasare

    Solicitor

    Satisfied Customers:

    204
    Solicitor, 10 yrs plus experience in civil litigation, employment and family law
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kasare/kasare.64x64.jpg Kasare's Avatar

    Kasare

    Solicitor

    Satisfied Customers:

    204
    Solicitor, 10 yrs plus experience in civil litigation, employment and family law
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/TG/TGraham12/2012-7-17_81212_bigstockBusinessHandshake508163.64x64.jpg Thomas's Avatar

    Thomas

    Solicitor

    Satisfied Customers:

    133
    UK solicitor
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/JO/jojobi/2013-3-19_0265_maxlowryphoto.64x64.jpg Max Lowry's Avatar

    Max Lowry

    Solicitor

    Satisfied Customers:

    7
    LLB, 10 years post qualification experience
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/OS/osh/2015-7-7_19268_gettyimagesb.64x64.jpg Joshua's Avatar

    Joshua

    Lawyer

    Satisfied Customers:

    340
    LL.B (Hons), Higher Prof. Dip. Law & Practice
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/GL/Glossolicitor/2013-5-14_214834_TWMParkinsonWright.64x64.jpg Glos solicitor's Avatar

    Glos solicitor

    Family Solicitor

    Satisfied Customers:

    2
    10 years experience in all areas of family law, now specialising in cases involving social services and children
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/UK/UKfamsol/My face July 2011.64x64.jpg UKfamsol's Avatar

    UKfamsol

    Family Solicitor

    Satisfied Customers:

    240
    Very experienced specialist family law solicitor, qualifed in 1994
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CH/chathamchamber/2011-4-24_191833_1.64x64.jpg chatham-chamber's Avatar

    chatham-chamber

    Solicitor

    Satisfied Customers:

    182
    LL.B, Pg.Dip, LL.M, M.B.A (Pending), Solicitor-Advocate. UK Practising Certificate issued by SRA., DIFC Courts Registered (Dubai)