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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34581
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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hi, i have a child who we took on from the age of 1 and now

Resolved Question:

hi,
i have a child who we took on from the age of 1 and now is 8 which we have a special guardianship over, yet the mother had stated to us at the start she didnt want anything to do with the child and to bring her up as 1 of our own and we did that and the child knows us as mum and dad yet the social services want to tell her that we are not her biological parents now and is there anyway we can get that stopped as the child has a lot of learning disabilities and has a mental age of a younger child and we believe it would do more harm then good.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
What is her current mental age (roughly)
Why do you believe this knowledge will do her harM?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

her mental age is currently that of a 4 year old so half her normal age and by harm i mean mentally as we have brought her up as our daughter and we have younger children as well that have known her as their sister so we think that it will cause upset in the family. we will eventually tell her but at the moment we feel that it will be too much for her to fully understand and wish to do it at a later stage when she is more older and can understand a bit better then what she would now.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
As an Adoptive mum let me tell you that no biological issue changes the fact that you ARE her mum and dad and her siblings are exactly that - her siblings and that is that
I can also tell you that there is no "good age" to tell the child the biological facts - but the younger you start the easier it is because there is never an issue of "but you lied to me"
The major issue is to make sure that YOU are the ones that tell her the story - there are some great children's books out there that help
My all time favourite was
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Horace-Reading-Rainbow-Holly-Keller/dp/0688118445/ref=la_B000APQG8A_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1405463744&sr=1-3
but there are probably more now 20 years later
Social services are not going to let this go unless the psychologist says that she should not be told - and that is unlikely in the extreme.
So take control and get it out of the way - make it no big deal for you and it will certainly be no big deal for your daughter - with the added bonus of never having to worry about when to tell her
Clare
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