Thank you once again for the time you have spent on this. I am extremely grateful and this is simply a concluding message. Unfortunately, taking the route to mediation and court is not a viable option for me (just as it isn't for many other fathers in my position), for several reasons, which it might be helpful for the law and courts to consider:
1. I cannot afford it
2. I am not prepared to put my children in a situation where they would be a part of the process - it would be immensely painful for them and their mother would use it to try to score points with them, but additionally:
3. I have not done anything in this situation. I have not caused any rupture or difficulty. I am not insisting on changes. It shouldn't be me that has to go to Court. If my Ex wants to force through changes that are unreasonable and is refusing (she has repeatedly refused) to discuss these with me then the law ought to provide for her, not me, having to take the steps you have recommended.
The whole situation is skewed against the more responsible and reasonable parent (whether it be Mother or Father) who happens not to be the Primary Carer. When the Primary Carer behaves so atrociously, (and this is just the worst example in four and a half years of unremitting nastiness) the law offers no real and effective support for the other parent. In effect, and although I shall continue to try to change my Exs viewpoint, I am screwed - simply because she couldn't give two hoots!
The law badly needs to change, because in these situations, as is very much the case here, the children are suffering at the hands of a tyrannical parent determined to destroy their relationship with their father. Concluding that I'll have to take legal action is NOT in the childrens best interest!