My problem is complex.
The relationship I have with my ex-wife has deteriorated to an all-time low.
We divorced nearly 5 years ago. Initially our children lived with her. I paid approx. £400 per month in maintenance. This was using the CSA model. I saw the kids every other weekend and then one of them on alternate Tuesday nights.
Presently my daughter (kate is 12) lives with her mum I see her alternate weekends. My son (Luke is 17) lives with me and chooses not to see his mum. Maintenance was reduced to £221. This is a reduction based on me having one child, but also based on the increase that I would have to pay when my son (he is 17) goes to Uni. The 221 was worked on using the average of what I pay her for having daughter, what she pays me for having son and then the increase when son goes to Uni.
I receive child benefit for my son, ex wife receives child benefit for daughter
Ex-wife remarried approx. 2 years ago.
I have tried to renegotiate based on need. My finances took a knock recently, I was about to move in with my girlfriend but my ex-wife meddled and sabotaged it. I have tried to renegotiate but received threats. I have suggested mediation but she couldn’t go. She works bank shifts and as these appointments are in normal office hours she would have lost money so didn’t go. I asked her for wage slips she refused. This was all conducted via email and text.
I was careful to be considerate but her husband then waded in and made demands of me regards ***** ***** no demanding that I had her for half of all school holidays.
They have been abusive and threatening to me, not physically, but threatening to restrict access to my daughter, court orders, claims on my pension.
I am now on anti-depressants due to the stress of it all and the collapse of my relationship with my girlfriend when I didn’t move in.
Communication is poor. I am expected to comply with everything they ask for with nothing in return. This is damaging to us all, including the children.
There are no boundaries, there is no respect and there are no rules. There are no agreements based on openness and honesty and that is what I want.
The current arrangements are unacceptable and having a huge effect on my health and wellbeing. I recently stopped all communication with my ex-wife and her partner. This was a huge relief but caused problems in arranging weekends with my daughter. I did this directly but this stressed my daughter (she is 12).
I am at my wits end. I am considering stopping the maintenance payment (due Friday 1st August) and asking her to communicate with me only via a solicitor. Mediation is probably no longer an option. What are the impacts of me stopping the payments? I need professional help, what can I do?
I earn about £39K, I have no idea what she earns, probably £30K?
If I go the CMS route then when my son goes to Uni in a years time I will end up paying much more money. This is a rubbish system, why should my ex wife need more money at this time? I am trying to achieve a system based on need and openness!
Please can you expand on why I shouldn't stop paying the maintenance?