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Ruby is 10, Sam is 14. I would say we have shared the children's care - in time perspective - but I am the one who has organised the schools, playdates, birthday parties, sleepovers, presents, holidays, after-school clubs, sports, buying clothes, food, often Matt didn't have a clue where the children were if he came home from work to find them not in. We both work all the time, I work longer hours than Matt, we have an au pair. Perhaps the au pair could be described as the main carer...