My separated wife and I had an agreement between us that we would have care of our daughter on alternate nights. This was working fine until recently, when she discovered that 50/50 responsibility for our daughter meant that she would not get any maintenance payments for the child, even though I have been picking up all bills and expenditure. She has today sent me an email "dictating" a new agreement whereby she has the child Sunday night to Wednesday morning, and I get the child Wednesday night, she then has the child again Thursday and Friday, and I get the child from 10 am Saturday through to Sunday tea time. The child was meant to be dropped off to me tonight, but my ex says she is not going to bring her. She is a drug user (though has no record or conviction of this, but I have messages sent between her and a friend where she boasts of it, including smoking joints and doing "lines"). I know but cannot prove her main motivation for this is because it will give her money to support her habit. I have expressed that I find her proposed agreement completely unacceptable and I will report to the police tonight if/when she does not turn up at the agreed time. I will speak to my appointed solicitor tomorrow, but is there anything else I can do?
We separated in April, the child is 5 years old.
Whilst we lived together we both worked full time, but the bulk of childcare was done by me. From the age of three months old I took responsibility for feeding her every night, I slept in her room for the first two years and did all the night time duties. All bath and bed time routines were done by me, up to the point in late 2012 where I told Kelly (my ex) that I was unhappy with the lack of time she was spending with the child. There was a brief period then when she took alternate nights to do the routine herself, but this did not last and was the start of the end of the relationship, as she took my comments not as a view on her childcare, but as jealousy of the fact she would go out every weekend, to pole dancing classes and the pub on a Saturday, and then she chose to work on Sundays (though she had a normal 9-5 weekday job). While I was doing the bath time routine she would normally use the time to go and smoke a joint. I phoned tonight when she did not turn up at the normal time, and asked to speak to my daughter. I asked how she was, and asked if she was happy about the situation, to which she replied she wanted to see both of us every day, at which point my ex took the phone from her and said I was distressing her. My daughter in the background could be heard shouting "I'm not upset, I'm not upset" but my ex refused to let me talk further with her.
I reported the incident to the police, but all they could do was arrange a welfare visit that has not yet happened to my knowledge.
We attended mediation on Friday, but my ex refused to negotiate as I was looking for 50/50 contact rather than giving control to her, and has then taken this course of action. I will look for a Child Arrangement Order. Thanks again for your advice.