Please advise My partner experienced DV in his previous marriage, as with most men he kept quiet due to the humiliation and being demasculated. He finally left his ex and began to live his own life, having access to his daughter on a regular basis. Since meeting me over a year ago, the games have begun again, his ex dictates access to his daughter and has accused him of DV and has told her mental health worker, the courts and GP. My partner is utterly devastated and it seems he has no opportunity to reply or defend himself even to the point that the court proceedings regards ***** ***** seem to be going against him. I am supporting him on a daily basis and have raised complaints on his behalf but it is a long winded process and in the mean time he is suffering. Because she has lied she is in receipt of legal aid where he cannot afford the luxury of a solicitor. I am astonished at all the lies and perjury that people get away with, its seems you can accuse people of anything and not be challenged. All he ever wanted was to work hard, be loved and be a good father but now he is slowly being destroyed even though he has been separated from his ex for four years and divorced for one year as his ex kept delaying it. How can we have these false accusations addressed? I feel very fortunate to have met my partner as we have a loving and fulfilling relationship but the accusations and treatment of him is emotionally exhausting. The process in place is not good enough as too many lives are being destroyed by manipulative and nasty people who are not challenged by the courts and family courts.
what steps can be taken to address perjury and lies in such situations highlighted above?
The child is nine and a date is set for the 15th October regards ***** ***** Cafcass are involved and it is hoped that access will be one week with dad and one week mum consecutively.
Previous contact was one weekend per month and one night in the week with dad with the mum dictating at all times
No its what my partners ex-wife dictates, Cafcass have suggested shared access and it is what my partners child has requested, however my partners ex wife keeps regating on her agreement with cafcass as soon as she has left the meeting with Cafcass. This has occured twice now with my partner receiving correspondence from my partners ex wifes solicitor " informing my partner that she has not agreed to anything". Cafcass have been great, however unless both parties agree, access continues to be dictated by my partners ex wife even though my partners child so desperately wants to spend more time with my partner and I. The court is set for the 15th Oct regards ***** ***** etc, but my partners ex wife continues to tell lies to everyone hence I am asking what steps can we take to have things put straight. It seems to me that when it comes to DV, my partners ex wife can say anything and is not questioned to the point that recently we had yet another distress answer phone massage from my partners daughter, asking her dad to collect her as she was again being shouted at by her mum and maternal grand parents because she told Cafcass that she wanted to spend equal time with her dad and that she wanted to reside permanantly with her dad and I. My partner contacted Cafcass for permission to collect his daughter to enable her to have time away from the situation, we called the police to meet us at my partners ex wife home as previously she has told lies even though all previous police reports put in my partner in an excellent light. They met us there and my partners ex wife, maternal grandmother and daughter had left the area and the police would not inform my partner of his daughters where abouts only that she is safe and well. We can only summise that my partners ex wife is once again painting my partner in a derogatory light. Its absolutely awful, my partner is in receipt of victim support due to the DV he experienced but it is continuing from an emotional perspective and seeing slanderous and derogatory information on GP notes and court papers about my partner is utterly devastating to deal with as it seems he has no right to reply.
Sorry for delay just had a week off work to try and enable my partner to take time out.
initially they suggested three days with my partner and I and three days with his daughters mum, however my partner ex wife went back on the agreement on that and then they suggested the week on week off, this is also what my partners would like and they are taking his daughters wishes into the mix as she will be ten in a couple of days, again his ex wife went back on the agreement even though she agreed while her daughter was present. Its a ridiculous situation, we just hope that things improve soon as its having a terrible impact on his daughter and now she experiencing stress which is haeartbreaking.
We hope to receive a copy of the report soon. we have raised a complaint with the body that provides mental health support and care for my partners ex wife has she has serious mental health issues, the complaint outcome has identified failings on there behalf and we are due to attend a final meeting with complaints investigation officer as it is clear that my partners ex wife is manipulating her SW, CPN and consultant. We have also requested a copy of the police reports, however my partner has to also seek the agreement of his ex partner for the release of them. As she lied in the initial temporary order paper work and the laymen court standing did not question this and gave temporary residency until the court date to me partners ex wife. Also part of this are my partners daughters maternal grandparents who have also lied and been and continuing to emotionally abuse my partner. They seem to have assumed defacto custody of my partners daughter and are key in the unreasonable decisions my partners ex wife is making. My partners ex wifes care is provided by her mother hence the following:
His daughter only spends time alone with her mum when she is sleeping as they share a bed.
All meals are eaten at the maternal grandparents home.
When his daughter throws a tantrum or disagrees with her mum, she is then taken to her maternal grandfather who then remonstrates with her until she comes to his way of thinking.
They continually speak negatively about my ex partner and I in front of his daughter which she finds very distressing.
My partners ex wife does not drive, hence the maternal grandparents do all the ferrying to and from school and afterschool activities, she goes to a private school hence has no friends locally, When she resides with us, she plays out with children locally and says such things as "she wished she went to an ordinary school in our village then she can make friends.
Previously my ex partner use to pay half of the school fees and has stopped until his ex wife rebukes on all the lies she has told e.g she told them that he paid nothing towards the school fees which can be clearly evidenced. his ex wife does not work, it is clear that the maternal grandparents are paying the school fees and all the ridiculous after school and weekend activities, which is an issue as we are being continually dictated by his ex wifes solicitor regards ***** ***** his daughter is taken to all the activities, most of which take up all weekend ect, hence making is very difficult to spend any family time. Fortunately since Cafcass have been involved this has now ceased, as they have made it clear that time spent with us is decided by my ex partner and his daughter. This is huge relieve as his daughter now decides what she would like to do when she with us and 99% of the time she wants to do family things.
His daughter does not see her grandparents in good light and would prefer not to spend the time with them, she feels they bully her and her mother, however her mum will not see and goes along with everything. However it is also clear that my partner ex wife enjoys the stress it is causing my ex partner e.g when to pick his daughter up from her mums home, my is often verbally abused by the grandmother and his ex wife just stands and smiles. As this was becoming too distressing for his daughter and my partner, I now go to the door when we pick his daughter up resulting in nothing being said or asked unless it is to do with school events etc. His ex wife hands any items his daughter would need and I say thank you politely and his daughter grabs my hand and we walk away, interesting the maternal grandmother stands in the house looking out of the kitchen window saying nothing, his ex wife barely speaks and never smiles.
We never speak negatively in front of daughter about her mum or grandparents and I always remind of my role which is not to replace her mum but simply to love her daddy and her.
It is to decide residency and a plan to move forward I guess.