thankyou for replying
My granddaughter is three in December. He usually has her alternate weekends this has been reduced from every weekend. We thought this to be fair as weekends are quality time to be enjoyed by both parents. Yes, he has had her overnight by himself but not often as he lives with us. She was here at the weekend as usual. She has her own bedroom. There are no court orders in place. We just feel that he shouldn't have to put up with nasty texts threatening him coz supposedly he has not paid her any money. They agreed £40 pounds a week. This was not agreed in court but between themselves. Since losing his job he has been finding it difficult to find this money but we have tried to help out. She wants for nothing when she is here . I told the mother today that he has bought her lots of new clothes and she has plenty of toys, she also has a savings account into which £40 per month is paid this is actually an account opened by myself and of which I am the overseeing account holder. Her response to finding out about this account was why cant he use this money to pay her. Do you feel our chances would be any good because the mental torture of not knowing when and if she is going to stop access
is extremely upsetting for all of us especially my son. Surely definite court agreement would be more secure for all concerned, we would all know where we stood and would be bound by the law. BUT, if my son is at a disadvantage and risks losing what he has got perhaps he should leave well alone and just put up with this bullying and being held to ransom.
Hello again Im a bit confused I have never used this site before. Do I need to give you a rating now or wait for for your answer.
Hello again and sorry for the delay in getting back to you.
There are 3 issues here:-
1. Child support vs contact - the child's mother has no legal right to restrict contact according to whether or not your son pays any specified amount of child support. Child support has no bearing on whether or not contact is appropriate. It is governed by separate legislation – the Child Support Act 1991, whereas contact is governed by the Children Act 1989. Someone can be a millionaire and be due to pay a fortune in child support, but be a horrible person and be banned from any contact with their child at all; or someone can be without money so not due to pay much in child support yet be a wonderful parent and have very frequent contact with their child.
The amount of child support now called child maintenance can either be agreed between the parents or they can use the formula set by the CMS. Ultimately either parent can ask the CMS to enforce payment of maintenance - but the CMS now charge for that. Details on this useful government website about child maintenance, which includes a calculator:
If you as grandparents choose to set up a savings account for your granddaughter, that's entirely up to you, and you cannot be made to give this money direct to the mother, if you don't want to.
2. Which parent your granddaughter should have her home with.
When parents separate, there's no need for any court orders if they can agree on which of them the children should live with and how much the other parent should see the children. But if they can't agree, or the agreement breaks down, then either parent can apply to court for a Child Arrangements Order, to ask the court to set out who the child should live with, and how much the other parent should see the children.
The court will decide these issues on what is best for that particular child, rather than which parent shouts loudest. The court will usually order that the child should live with which ever parent has been that child's main carer unless that parent is clearly not able to look after the child properly, or the child is at risk of harm in their care. So if your granddaughter's main carer has always been her mother, then it will be hard for your son to convince the court that his daughter should now live with him. Getting nasty texts from the mother will not be enough to persuade the court that the child should move to live with her father.
3. The amount & type of contact that your son should have with his daughter.
It is government policy that children should have contact with the parent that they do not live with – unless there is very good reason indeed why not. Not paying enough in child support is NOT a reason accepted by the court to stop or restrict contact. However, what the particular arrangement for contact should be will vary according to what is appropriate for each particular child, and workable for both parents.
In your son's case, you say that he usually has his daughter for alternate weekends, and you quite reasonably say that you accept that the mother also needs her weekends with her daughter as well. But I think your son could reasonably ask for a bit more than this eg perhaps half a day on the weekends his daughter does not stay with him, and/or a few hours per week one midweek evening eg from 4pm to 6pm, or earlier in the day while he is not working, plus perhaps in addition a telephone or skype call at a specified time and day once per week.
The court will not reduce his existing contact with his daughter merely because he makes an application to court. The court does expect the mother to encourage the contact between your son and his daughter, and not to obstruct it.
If your son wants to apply to court, he needs form C100, here:
with guidance here:
Unfortunately there is no longer any legal aid for this type of court application. The court fee is £215.
However, going to court is stressful, time-consuming and expensive, so if your son and his ex-partner can reach agreement, that is preferable. They can negotiate either between themselves (if they can remain civil) or via solicitors' correspondence, or via mediation. The family court anyway now requires the parties to have attempted mediation before it will consider an application to court. Here's where to find a family mediation service close to your son:
I think your son would also benefit from some face-to-face legal advice. Here's where to find a specialist family law solicitor near to your son:
I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck.
Thanks and best wishes....