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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33950
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi thereMy husband and I have recently split up, he decided

Resolved Question:

Hi there
My husband and I have recently split up, he decided to walk out and leave me with debts accumulated over 2yrs maternity leave and from our wedding. He doesn't want to help pay them. I have been trying to keep it amicable due to our 2 babies but he is starting to play mind games with me where they are concerned. I.e yesterday he was meant to pick them up from the childminders and wait for me to get home so that I could get their bits together and say goodbye as he has got them until Saturday morning. He didn't text me at all and didn't let me know he had picked them up and wasn't here when I got back. When I tried texting he wouldn't answer and I had to threaten to call the police before he rang me and told me off for being mad. Again today he wouldn't answer my texts with regards ***** ***** babies I.e how were they etc. he has done similar things before, now it may sound like I'm being over the top but it's worrying me how he is behaving as he is deliberately starting problems when there wasn't any in that sense and I'm wondering where I stand as I've just had his mum having a go at me telling me how disgraceful my behaviour is with regards ***** ***** up the family when it wasn't me, so I think he has been lying to her on top of everything as well. Please can you tell me where I stand with regards ***** ***** babies, do I have to let him take them overnight as that means I'm at their mercy as he now knows I won't be going near his mum which is where he is living at the moment. The mortgage is in both our names so he thinks he can turn up and let himself in the house whenever he wants to and keeps going through all my stuff without asking first and when I'm not home. Can I set any boundaries with the babies and the house at all as he decided to walk out but is now telling everyone I kicked him out?
Many thanks
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How much is the house worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage?
What other assets and debts are there and what income do you each have?
How old are the children and what are the current contact arrangements
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Clare
Thank you, ***** ***** is worth approx £150,000, there is approx £112,000 outstanding on it. The debts are approx £20,000 or just under. I am on £18,000 and he earns approx £22,000. I have 2 teenagers aged 18 & 14 and then 2 babies aged 1 & 2. Currently he comes to visit the babies whenever he wants to during the week and has them overnight at the weekend. I was trying to keep it amicable.
Many thanks
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Are you willing to start divorce proceedings if necessary?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes to be honest, that's why I'm trying to find out where I stand as he doesn't seem to want this to be amicable. He's got his family behind him and I know that judging by how they've all behaved so far they think I'm the one in the wrong and will try to protect his interests and so will he. I don't want lots of problems so if I know where I stand they can't mess my life up anymore or bully me into doing what they want as at the moment they are walking all over me :(
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Are the teenagers also his children?
Can you afford to remain in your current property if he only pays child maintenance?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi there, no the teenagers are from my previous marriage and yes I think so just about. If I can at least get some of the debts paid off it would be tight but manageable.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Do you have any doubts about his ability to care for the children overnight?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No not really I'm more concerned with whether i get them back and what they will be saying in front of the babies as my 2 yr old is very clever and understands everything. Also just the fact that he is playing mind games with me where they are concerned is making me worry because it feels like he is trying to prove to his family that I'm acting a certain way when I'm not and he has begun to create situations where I do start worrying because he has the children and then when I react he starts telling everyone I'm acting mad for nothing and of course his family blame me. The thing is he is giving me the impression that if he could take the babies permanently he would, so he is trying to get at me and lower my credibility as a parent. I'm not sure if I am explaining this well but the bot***** *****ne is he has left home to live with his mum and doesn't want to pay for any of the debts and would rather see me go into debt management or bankruptcy and lose my job at a financial company than help me. To me this would mean we lose the house that I have paid all my inheritance in to, plus thousands of pounds from my own salary to redecorate etc, I would struggle again to find a decent job especially in this climate and definitely not in finance when I've worked so hard and we would be homeless. To him this would mean he wouldn't have to pay the mortgage or maintenance as then he can legitimately take in the babies but not me and my older children and so he gains everything and leaves me screwed. As it is he doesn't like the fact that I have control over what happens with the babies as the main carer, he keeps trying to undermine me, he did that even when he was still living with me, I have no idea why as in general he only manages to look after both babies when his mum is around or someone else is with him but then tells me I'm doing everything wrong! It feels like I'm always having to defend myself against him and his family.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Then please please take a deep breathe and stop letting this man play you.
Does the father of the elder two pay maintenance?
Has your ex offered you maintenance for the babies?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No unfortunately, he didn't want to know the children unless I was with him so they haven't seen him since they were small and he never paid maintenance. I never pursued it because I just wanted him out of our lives as he could abusive and he lived abroad at the time. With regards ***** ***** babies father he has been paying the mortgage as maintenance since we split, which at least helps me in that sense as I have a ridiculous amount to pay each month with regards ***** ***** debts and household bills.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
How much is the mortgage payment?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
At the moment £650.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Could you cope if the money was reduced to say £348?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I could eventually but not right now...is that how much the maintenance is meant to be?
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Do you intend to issue divorce proceedings?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sorry , I think you have already asked me this question. Are you able to tell me where I stand at all with regards ***** ***** husband having access to the children and playing mind games as well as any boundaries I could set even though he is on the mortgage but doesn't live here please? I need an answer please if you can ask me anymore questions all in one go I would be grateful as this is taking ages to get an answer.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
The law says that children are entitled to contact with both parents and the courts will enforce this if necessary
Since you both have Parental Responsibility for the children he is as entitled to have the children in his care as you are .
As parents you are expected to try and negotiate how the care of the children is shared between you - using Family mediation if necessary to agree a Parenting Plan
www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk
http://theparentconnection.org.uk/
It is clear that he is capable of caring for the children so I am afraid overnight contact is likely to happen - and there is no requirement for him to tell you what is happening when they are with him - unless of course there is a problem and the children are ill - just as you would have to call him if they were with you when this happened.
On the financial side he does have to pay child maintenance for the babies - you can work out how much using the calculator here
https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
However if you do decide to issue divorce proceedings then within the financial side you can also claim child maintenance form the court for the two older children - you can also seek an order that makes him liable for part of the matrimonial debt.
So long as he remains a joint owner of the property he can indeed return to the house whenever he wishes unless you obtain an order excluding him either as a result of violence - or within the financial side of the divorce.
I hope that despite the fact the news is not all good it is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you that has helped a lot. Is he still liable for half of the debt if it is all in my name only? As at the moment I am paying for all of it even though it was for our wedding, to do with the house and my 2 periods of maternity leave which he won't acknowledge.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Yes there are ways that that can be done if the debts were joint
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33950
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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