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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33499
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My ex partner will not drop our girls off at mine or meet at

Resolved Question:

My ex partner will not drop our girls off at mine or meet at a neutral place. I always have to go to hers to collect the girls. When I do arrive they are never ready and they become upset because they are settled. Ideally my ex partner should meet me somewhere or drop them off at mine occasionally and share the responsibility. What can I do?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old are the children and what is the current pattern of contact?
How far away does your ex live?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi,

4 years old & 2 years old.

Partner lives approx 5 miles away.

It has been agreed (verbally) that I have the children 3 nights per week.

We usually txt each other the week before to confirm days.

Thanks

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
How long has this been happening?
Could you collect the older child from school?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Its only been 3 and half months. Unfortunately I work until 4 at the earliest so I am unable to collect from school. My ex partner though is controlling everything "telling" me when I can see the girls. She went to the school the other day and spoke to the teacher to explain that we had split up. My partner told me that if our eldest becomes to tired she will put a stop to me seeing the girls during the week. I have been more than helpful during this difficult time to my ex, but unfortunately she has become very bitter towards me. My ex runs her own business so is fortunate to pick & choose when se goes in to work.

It just worried me when she said she would put a stop to me seeing them during the week. They are both our children, not just hers so I fell its wrong that she should appear to have control over when I se my children.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
yes i understand your concern
What has been the pattern of night so far?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I collect them Monday night & return them Tuesday morning

I collect them Wednesday night & return them Thursday morning

I collect them Friday night have them all day Saturday, then return them Saturday approx. 5pm.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
What are the actual timings - and do you ever have a full weekend with the children?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I usually collect them at 16:30 hors on Monday and return them on Tuesday morning at 07:30am, same on Wed. On Friday I collect at 16:30 and return them on Saturday at 5pm.

However over the weekend things have taken a new twist. I had a visit from the police to hand me a notice claiming that it was alleged that I was on my partners doorstep screaming and shouting at her and also that I have been sending her abusive texts! Apparently it was a neighbour who called the police about the screaming & Shouting. I totally deny this allegation. My ex partner is very close with her neighbour. I have text my ex but only to discuss the access to my children. She has never responded. My texts have always been in a good nature. I have no issue with any checking my ex's phone.

Now that the police have been involved I am reluctant to go any where near my ex's house. She has stated that I am to go through her father for any access information. Only the other day he told me it would be best if I "back off" from seeing my children!!!

I feel that they are planning something and making up allegations to ensure that access to my children will be difficult.

I am extremely worried. This is not the 1st time my ex has made up allegations to damage my reputation.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Would you prefer to have the children for a full weekend?
Is there any family member who could help you with a mid week collection from school?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I would prefer to have my children as much as I can. I want to see them during the week because I don't get to see them otherwise. A full weekend would be great, however is not always practical.

I don't really have any family who can assist apart from my dad, but he has commitments as well. My ex has stopped all contact with me. The police have said I can contact her but its probably not wise to. She never responds anyway. I can go through her dad, but he hardly responds either. They are doing their best to cut me off.

I just need to know what the best action is moving forward to ensure that I can see my children and how I go about arranging this. Because of the police being called, I am not willing to go near her house or her dads. They may make up more allegations which could result in my arrest according to the police.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Why would a full weekend not be practical
( this is very relevant to your current position)
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

True. Weekends would not be a problem then.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Can you arrange to collect from school on a Friday and take back on a Monday /
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I am flexible to arrange anything, the issue is that my ex partner is not. How do I go about arranging this with her? she tends to "call the shots" Shes even threatened to put a stop to me seeing them during the week because she feels it may effect the childrens sleeping pattern

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
The law says that children are entitled to contact with both parents and the courts will enforce this if necessary
Your ex cannot simply dictate contact - it is a matter that has to be decided by both of you - or in default of that by the court
Given the Police involvement your ex has now ensured that collection and delivery of the children has to take place away from the property.
This could be school if you are able to make suitable arrangements - or a neutral venue half way between you.
To minimise the risk of conflict a pattern of alternate weekends Friday to Monday plus one night a week - again from and to school if possible; and half the school holidays (or as much as you can absorb) would be reasonable
For non school days a venue such as a Supermarket cafeteria might be suitable
The starting point is to try and discuss matters using Family mediation
www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk
If that fails then you will need to make an application to the court
http://hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/cb001-eng.pdf
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need more details
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33499
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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