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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33273
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi Clare, ex has answered sent his answered questionnaire but

Customer Question

Hi Clare, ex has answered sent his answered questionnaire but he didn't answer his properly. That is why she did not sent my answered questionnaire. Will this go against me that we didn't send ours? There must be a good reason y my solicitor did not send ours.Many thanks In most if his answers he says he can't recall it!What it means his not admitting itAsma
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
The fact that he has failed to answer the questions will not reflect well on him - you do not need to worry about your answers I am sure your solicitor has now sent them
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Clare, she said she will not send it. She drafted more questions for me also check questionnaire and the ones he has not answered she will compare. The deadline was today to send each other answers but my solicitor has put it on hold for what reason I am not sure. I'm just concerned ex will take that to his advantage it may occur wasted cost against me.
Will that likely happen?
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
No there will be no wasted costs - please do not worry
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Clare, thank you I do trust her she is doing a good job trying her upmost to get good outcome . The judge will not be impressed at all by ex answers Nearly all questions answered by him he cannot recall. Clearly his playing games with the court and be dishonest.
I don't understand by when he says I can't recall what does this mean?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
It means he doesnt want to tell the truth
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Clare, it's how we going to get the truth out if him? What would be the solution to get the truth out of him? Children accounts were open 2007 he only showed 2012/13 transaction he has not disclosed from 07. Some pages are missing I have noticed in the statements. It's clearly shows his dishonesty.
It's all going to catch up on him he is going to look not good at all with judge
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Excellent - you can list the documents that are missing and the court will order him to produce them
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Clare, I had meeting with SW the assessment will start next week. She will complete by 3 weeks, she will look at suitable housing, wether I can take care of the children's individual needs. How am I going to protect myself and my children from ex husband.
How is he going to react when his made aware children might return how he is going to feel. She will look at wider family support.
I think 3 weeks is too less time what do you think?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Since there is a Placement already identified it needs to be done quickly.
YOU must impress her with the thought you have given to all of this.
So look at possible housing; write a plan for each child and work out how you will handle the risk posed by your ex and have a file ready to show her
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Clare, I am focusing in on wether the two youngest children who have placement orders can be returned to my care. I am not asking for return for all 6. I would be fully able to cater for both of my two children's needs
What do you think?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
That is an excellent decision
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Clare, I am looking for housing in London for my two youngest children, because I am looking at my safety and protection and my children. I do have family support in midlands but there is a risk that ex lives in the same area to my family members. I personally do not feel confident to move back to the midlands while ex is still around the area. And my close family will support but not at all times. I think I will be more safer with my two children in London. But I have no support just close friends in London. Also it's expensive to live there
What would be your advice
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
The issue is can you afford to live in London - id so great - if not then you need to move further out
Equally you need to consider whether it is better for the children to remain in their familiar environment
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi clare, what I am thinking the finance side of the divorce is ongoing. If I move near my family ex still lives there. Once the divorce is finalised if there be a settlement for the financial side I am concerned once ex finds out I live local he might become more aggressive and volatile. If some children are returned it might put myself and themmore risk.
i do have family support in London I am able to find suitable housing for my children.
I have decided to live in London until the divorce is fully finalised and if my two youngest children are returned to my care myself and my children will be safe from ex.
It will be expensive but I do have family and friends support.
I am more about the outcome of divorce how ex is going to react after.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Ok
But remember that the children cannot have too many changes
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi clare, I am going to give my children the best stability they can have. My plan will be to stay in london because life in London is expensive but there will be a lot of opportunities for my childen to have a better loving caring upbringing.
I have started new life here. It's just satisfying the LA my children will be stable, all their basic needs will be met. I am going start looking for housing.
I have not much time assessment will start next week.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Good - you have thought it through
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi clare, children social worker wants to do home visit to meet me first session. I am only living in shared accommodation. Why is the purpose of the social worker to visit me. This property I am living will not be suitable for my childen.
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
She wishes to see how you live -nothing sinister
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi clare, what is nothing sinister mean?
Sorry. It's my landlady she is a bit strict with tenants allowing visitors in and out.
Thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I mean that there is no bad reason for the request - just that she wishes to see your lifestyle
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi clare, Do I have to be clear with the social worker which children I would like to have return to my care?Because if I request all six it will not be practical for me due to their individual needs.
Thank you
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Yes you have to be very clear about what you are suggesting
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Clare, I am feeling quite anxious I am not sure how the social worker start the core assessment with. I am aware what is involves I have been assesed over the years when children were in my care. Now it will different because the children are in LA care.
Will it be different type of assessment?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
They are looking to see what has changed in terms of your comprehension of part in the abuse of the children - and how you will ensure that your future care doe snot repeat those mistakes
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, the team manager and social worker did a home visit this evening. They were surprised that I am seeking for the two youngest children to return. They asked why am I not wanting my older son back. I explained my reasons about the risks of what happened to my son.
They still want the adoption plan to go ahead, but if assessment is positive then they will stop the plan they will carry out further assessments.
The team manager is alleging that I am using a tactic like the assessment to prolong the adoption plan.
I think I will not have a fair assessment by the LA
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That sounds most positive.
Clearly the Team Manager is likely to have a concern on that point - it is up to you to show that you are serious and have thought things through
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I think they trying to put me under pressure. I have nothing to hide, I am being honest and clear in what I am asking for. But they have to assess me properly. If assessment is positive they will increase contact. They are using anything to put me under pressure, but I am staying calm and postive. And I am trying to tell them I am thinking all this through.
I think the team manager was not happy at all when I said I do not want my older son back.
She was asking me if none of the children returned will I still take my son back.
I answered I have not thought this thorough but I am going to look at safety measures before I consider anything.
She was surprised at my response.
Is it normal team manager attend?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Yes in cases such as yours a Team manager would attend.
They intend to put you under pressure to see how you cope
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I am coping very calmly. I just want them to understand clearly that I have made positive changes. They are always referring to the past. They are not looking at current changes. Next visit it will be parenting capacity. Will they look at parenting capacity for all the childen or just the two children I am opposing the placement order and discharge care orders?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Of course they refer to the past - they need to be certain that you understand your role in what happened and be certain that you understand it.
They will assess you for your ability to care for the children you have said you wish to have returned to your care
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I have good news. I have been granted legal aid for opposing the placement order and adoption plan. It's Fab news.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Hi Asma

That is awesome news - I am so pleased for you

Clare

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, thank you so much the court have Recieved my application for revocation of adoption. It's with the judge I should recieve Letter direction hearing it will be likely in January. It really good news I'm so relieved it's like i won lottery with the legal aid.
Il be busy over the next six months. Got good solicitor representing me. They based in Ilford eastlondon
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Just remember you must keep up the changes and the work - it is very important and you are doing so well
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, yes I am continuing with counselling, freedom programme. I will start work shop end of January. Womens Trust workshop. Also Positive Steps starts in February.
All looking postive at the moment.
I bet ex will be shocked I have made an application, he doesn't care any way. I am not sure if he will be involved in the proceedings. It's my application not his?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
He will be entitled to comment - but his views are not really relevant
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, Will there be likely increase contact with the two children who have placement orders? Will my solicitor have to seperate request to the judge? I only have contact four times a year.
Because of the assessment will contact likely to increase?
How long will the proceedings take this time will it be 26 week timescale?
I am hoping the divorce will finalise
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
IT will only increase if there is a belief that your application has a chance of success
This matter will be resolved relatively swiftly
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, will there be a time scale if it's only for two children.Will it possible to request more contact with my eldest children?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
If the younger children are returned to you then it is likely that you will get more contact with the older children
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare,what is the judge going to look for is it the significant change of my circumstances? Also my parenting style?
What is main thing judge will look at. Will they look at past concerns?
Will it be like similar to care proceedings like last time?
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
They are looking to see what has changed in terms of your comprehension of your part in the abuse of the children - and how you will ensure that your future care does not repeat those mistakes
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, will there appoint a guardian again? Will I be cross-examined?
Will they touch on the injury to my son?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
The same guardian will be involved and yes the injury issue will be relevant
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, can we request a different guardian? The last guardian was not helpful at all.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
No I am afraid not
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, what is chance of success to oppose the placement and adoption plan and seeking return of two children. With the positive changes I have currently made?
It's also satisfying the judge children will be well cared for and I will not put them in any harm?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
HI
You have worked hard - and the Court HAS to consider placing the children back with you IF there is a reasonable chance of success
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, the divorce proceeding still pending will this have an impact on my application for opposing placement order?
Also ex answered most of the questions that he can't recall. Can my solicitor raise any further questions? It depends on the judge wether it will allowed to ask further
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
No there is no problem because of the divorce proceedings
It does indeed depend on the Judge if more questions can be raised.
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I recieved Letter from the LA social worker she has offered me to dates for the core assessment. Also they will be unannounced visits aswel.
Next meeting next week about parenting capacity. What does this mean?
Thank you
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
It means that they will be looking at what has changed and whether you will be able to cope
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I have a diary of ex husband his own handwriting he has written about his financial matters. Can my solicitor request to the judge to analyse his handwriting? He will clearly deny its not his dairy.
Can we request his handwriting to be analysed?
Thank you
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
What else about the diary shows that it is his?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, how much money he owes his brother, he put deposit money in Bangladesh Savings account, people owe him money. Where he used to work. Also it's dated and his own signature is on the there too.
It's going back dated 2007- 2011
His own handwriting and dated and signed. That is only main evidence I have. This is will clearly show what he has been putting the money.
Can his handwrtiing be checked?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
There is not likely to be a problem - so do not worry about it until you need to
It is unlikely that the court would order handwriting analysis - more likely that the Judge will simply rule that it IS your ex's
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, thank you very much I thought so too that the judge will accept that its ex's handwriting there won't be no doubt of that. The more he denies and written evidence is proven ex's credibility will go against him. All his deception will come out.
I just want this to end it's going on long enough. I just want to move on and focus on the assessment and the proceedings of opposing the placement and adoption order.
I hope the divorce finalise very soon, I get a reasonable settlement.
Hope the next hearing in January is the last one ?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I hope so too - but please do not rely on it being so
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, Will his diary be reliable evidence? I don't think January will be final. It will go in final hearing after the next hearing if there is no settlement
Do you think that is likely to happen?
Thank you
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
His diary will certainly be useful, but like you I fear ot will go to a final hearing
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, how many more hearings it's likely to take place?
Thank you
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Hopefully just this one and the final one
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, after the next hearing it will the final hearing. I have to gather all the evidence prepare for the final hearing.
All will come to end soon. The decree nisi is coming through a hearing will be listed soon,
Ex husband is desperate to get the divorce my solicitor is saying his desperate to finalise divorce to get his spouse over to uk.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Ok - you need it over as well
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, my solicitor wants to me to find out if ex has register married back home. I don't know how i am going to get that info from.
Also to find out where his brother lives.
I do have a recording conversation by his brother admitting that ex has remarried. My solicitor will listen to the recording.
I have this assumption ex will be in great trouble with the judge. If no settlement the judge will make an order.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
If he has gone through a religious ceremony then he is allowed to do so - it i snot likely to cause comment with the Judge
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, in the questionnaire he clearly denied any type of marriage. If it proves he has then he did not tell the truth when we raised it on the questionnaire!
He was truthfull
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That will indeed be relevant - but unless you have any other details it will be almost impossible to prove
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I am getting anxious about the core assessment by the socioa worlker. I really don't what to to expect. What sort of questions she will ask. I think she will put me under pressure, how shall I answer the questions. I will be very clear and honest. I feel Intimidated the social worker.
Can you pleasw give me advice.
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
You must answer all questions honestly - that is all that is expected and exactly what you need to do
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, what will entail parenting capacity?
Thank you
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Mostly it will be about understanding the children's needs - and in your case reflecting on what went wrong before
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I just feel really nervous abput the core assessment session with the social worker. I did not like the tea manager attitude the other day. I seemed to have lost confidence with sw and team manager. It's the unannounced visit they made, the team manager commenting that I was using a tactic, I lost my confidence. That they won't put a positive report about the changes, and I have turned my life around to be better and confident mother for my two children
I dont know how I should change my mind into positive.
I feel uneasy with social worker and team manager because I think they will not believe me. I have lost their trust
Any advice on this I am getting really worried clare
Thank you
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Please be realistic and remember the position that you are in
Last time you were in a position where there was a question mark about your ability.
Now there is no question mark - the court found that you had failed
YOUR job is to prove that you accept and understand your failure and have developed strategies to ensure no repetition of your mistakes.
However you have done a great deal of work - and you need to show that you have new tactics to deal with your problems
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, thank you very much. Ok I will show that I have changed my whole life put my children's needs first. And prioritise them before any man.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That's better!
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, the core assement went well today. Ex husband is being assessed aswel. SW went to see the house, his also saying his brother and nephew will support him with the children. His nephew is an illegal immigrant aswel.
Ex says that his brother pays £600 pound an month to ex.
Do you think ex has a chance?
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
No
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, that's very clear then he don't have a chance. Because he was part of the problem in the first place. SW was very willing to understand and take on board that I acknowledge I made mistakes. That things have changed that I will not repeat it any more. Last session next week then she will make her recommendations. But ex hasn't got chance at all. SS know now who the problem was.
I am bit nervous what her recommendation be? It will be completed first week of January.
I think she will be looking at other things it's not going end that week
What do think might happen?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Do not make assumptions - you still need to show that you understand that you too were responsible for what happened
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, yes I am taking responsibility of what I did wrong. What I am asking is that after the weeks is that it?they won't be any more assessment or is that going to be final outcome?
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That will depend on what approach the Social Worker takes - you simply have to work with them I am afraid
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, is there a chance that my two boys could be adopted still? I do have a legal aid solicitor I made an application for opposing the adoption plan.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I cannot lie there is still a chance - but you are doing well so the chance is diminishing
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, the hearing is listed for the 19/01/15. Once ordered by paper the decree nIsi I can apply decree absolute in 6 weeks and ex can in three months. If ex remarries will claim have an effect on me on the properties I made claim?
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
No his remarriage will not be a problem for you
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, that is a relief once divorce is finalised it will be better evidence for the family court when I apply to revocation order for seeking return of my two youngest children.
I am happy it's all going to plan for the divorce. Just the finance to be sorted out.
I am not intending to remarry. If ex remarries or gets her over from bangladesh as spouce visa, will this affect my ongoing claim that he also has to provide for her too?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
No it does not affect your ongoing claim
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I am feeling very emotionally and financially stressed. I cannot seem to concerntrate on things. My landlady is putting too much stress on me. She wants me to stop claiming benefits and stop housing benefit. She is very unfair, unhelpful.
She has given me four weeks notice to leave.
Also paying for my solicitors fees. I am struggling financially. I am not sure when the financial side will end I get a reasonable settlement.
Ex is still abusing me, I don't know how long I can cope.
Can you please advice me I'm really struggling
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
If she is so unhelpful then leaving may well be for the best.
You should not be having any contact with your ex.
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I have no contact with ex at all. It's just proceedings taking time. Yes I am looking for a flat which they accept DSS.
It's just the fees of the lawyers and my expenses I have I am struggling
Don't know when it will all end
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
You are fighting hard I know
Have you considered moving out of London?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare My parents have passed away my brothers and sister are in the midlands, ex husband lives near them. I can't risk going back there. My family in London In eastham. They want me to move there I will get support there. But it's expensive to live in London. I want to stay far away as possible from ex husband. And start a fresh life with my children if the two children are likely to return. It's a new start
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I see - that is very difficult - may be closer to your siblings but the other side of them - away from your ex
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, Direction hearing is listed on 9/1/15 application I made for revocation of adoption order. What is likely to happen?I will be represented by barrister.
I am getting nervous. Ex husband will be notified
Aswel. Many Thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Stay calm
At this hearing the Judge will set out what reports are still needed and how the matter should progress
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I am just bit surprised the hearing cam early. The coreassessment is going well. I have not had my contact with my two youngest children. Leas due contact in Novmeber. The LA are going to consider more contact with my eldest two.
The LA will give me eonugh time to find two bedroom house for my two youngest.
If goes all well they will do plan of reunifucation back to my care.
Also sw asked if I had looked at schools. It's sounds positive.
And how I am going to deal with challenging behaviour, because she told me my youngest son can be naughty at times,does not listen to foster carer. How am I going to deal with him outdoors. I have clear given answer on how I am going to manage him.
Assessment is finished sw will make one more visit and then right report. She asked what activities are available in Eastham for my children to do. I explained what is available in that area.
Do you think it's going ok for now?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That sounds very good indeed - keep it up
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, my older son his going to be 17 January. In a year time he can make a choice wether he can leave the care system. Nearer the time can I seek adult independent living for him. In London because of the risk to my other children the Injury. Can I look at accommodation for my son. He won't live with me but few miles away from me. We can have more contact with each other.
That is my plan maybe middle of next year he will be 18.
I just want to support my son give him the independence he requires. As you know I have told you ex is not interested for the children's future.
Will this a good plan for him?
I can be part of his plan to his future as he will reach adult hood.
Many Thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That is very well thought out.
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I don't know how I think of all these. That's why I have been told I am intelligent and articulate by many professionals . I don't know if I should take this as compliment?. Shall I request this proposal to the LA or I need to focus on the adoption case?
Thank you
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
It is a compliment BUT it is also a problem as the major concern is that in the past you used this to try and get support from others instead of doing things yourself.
Yes adoption first
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I used to try and do things myself but ex stopped from getting. Carers in for my daughter he used a abuse me verbally and financially it's stopped to get support for my children. Now it will be different, I don't have him anymore to control me and my life.
I am going to start a fresh just put my priority and focus is my children and doing things independently not seeking support.
Do the best for them.
Yes adoption is the main thing to deal with first and hopefully more contact for the other children.
You have a nice Christmas and Happy new year to you.
Thank you for your support keep you updated on how things are
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I wish a peaceful holiday season to you Asma - and thank you for your kind words
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, Would it better I look for a two bedroom house in the area of Birmingham?It will be a lot cheaper for me. Also travelling to contact and meetings for my children will be a lot easier. Rent will be cheap. I will be living well away from ex husband.
Hopfully the financial side of divorce will complete in few months.
Then focus on my children
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That is certainly an idea to consider
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, happy new year to you. I have managed to secure two bedroom house that is closer to Birmingham area. I will be moving on 15th January 2015. I believe this is best as the commute to contact with the children will be shorter.
The direction hearing has been listed for this Friday 9th January. My solicitor has prepated detailed statement and was sent to the court today.
I am getting nervous. what will be likely to happen? I am concerned if the judge does not agree to take matter further.
Prepared detailed change of my circumstances. My life has changed for the better.
If it does not go in my favor can I challenge the decision?
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
You can always appeal if need be - I hope you do not need to
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, why would it not go in my favour do you think? Judge will have to give reasons. I am asking for two return not six. What is judge expecting from the changes I have made?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
It is impossible to assess what will happen.
From What you have said you do now have greater insight into what happened and ar emore able to take responsibility for what went wrong
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, th last care proceedings social worker alleged that physical chastisement and used foul language towards the childrn which is untrue. The judge seem to have believed the sw finding. My solicitor advised that I dint accept the finding it might go against me negatively. That I am not accepting the finding. What would be your advice on this?I never physically chastised any of my children. Or used foul language.
I accept I made mistakes by remaining with ex husband and the level of care of the children's needs was not met.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
If you admitted it in the last hearing then it is a fact now.
However you ar eno longer in the same situation and you can show that you have learnt other parenting skills
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, No I did not admit it in the last hearing of these allegations. You are right my situations has changed significantly. My parenting style I have become more confident mother to care and making sure all the needs of my two children's will be best cared if they were to return to my care. They will have stability. I won't have ex husband anymore undermining my parenting and destroy my self esteem. I have taken insight the mistakes I have made and I have changed my
Life.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
All of that will help your case
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I am getting really nervous and anxious. I am worried the judge will not consider me to care for the youngest two. The LA will not support in any children to be returned and want my two boys to be adopted. No outcome of the core assessment yet the social worker is on leave this week. The team manager will attend hearing. I am getting this negative vibe in my brain I do not know why I am feeling like this. The judge is making me scared. After all this hard work if it does not work out I am going to be so disappointed.
I am hoping for a good outcome.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
It is understandable that you are worried - there is no knowing what the outcome will be.
However you are doing all that you can and that is what is important
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I do hope it's good outcome on Friday.
Ex husband put one house on the market for sale the one in his brothers name is ***** ***** on zoopla. I don't know why ex is doing all this. He wants to sell up and dissipate the money back home.
FDR hearing the following Friday. Ex is just doing anything he wants his not complying to the courts. His doing all this to not to give me nothing. It's clearly evident he has beneficial interest on the two houses.
He thinks he can get away with all this
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I hope it does go well
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, ex is not involved in the case for the application, I am the applicant the respondents are LA, and the guardian. Ex is not part of the proceedings then will he be invited to the hearing?
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
he will be notified of the hearing but he need not attend
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare,
He will be notified but he won't be invited is that what you mean?
Asma
I hope he doesn't attend
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
He will be notified and can attend if he wishes.
If he doesn't then the hearing still goes ahead
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I think he will attend. To see what how the case goes. Will he have a say in the matter. Will he disagree for the children not to be returned to me?
Many Thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
He can give his views - but they are unlikely to be seen as being important
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, thank you I will let you know the outcome
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Please do
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, The direction hearing I to file my statement a chance to amend it by 4pm today. The LA will serve their assessment by 4pm on 19/1/15, children's father who supports my application will have his statement by 16/1/15 4pm. Also the CG her initial analysis & recommdations by 4pm on 23/1/15. Also leave application to be heard on 26/1/15 TE 1 day.
I will be crossexamined, LA solicitor,CG solicitor my barrister.
It is 50/50 chance.
Everything is happening quickly, I will be offered a conference meeting with barrister next week.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
It is indeed going quickly - I shall keep my fingers crossed for you
Please make sure that you have support at the hearing from a friend
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, what are chances likely to be?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi Asma
I wish I knew my dear - but there is no way that I can begin to guess.
You have worked very hard - so I hope that it will be enough
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, can I appeal straight away? Via my solicitor?Judge did not make no eye contact to me at all. But she was looking at ex at times. I am not sure why. I think she's not happy with me doesn't like me.
Ex does not oppose the application
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Please do not read things into what the Judge does or not do.
Wait and see what happens on the day
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, read online it's very rare a successful revocation of placement order is revoked and child returning home I don't know what will happen in my case. I am getting anxious. Legal aid agency is only giving me funding on emergency certificate
What do you think?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I am sorry Asma - there is just no way of knowing.
However you have worked hard and there is always hope
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I would like positive outcome. It's a risk. The FDR is listed for this Friday don't know what the outcome will be if negotiate then it's better otherwise will go straight to final hearing
Asma
Decree nisi will be granted hopefully on 19/1/15
All happening quick
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Everything is coming at once - but at least you are making progress - which is good
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, ex is saying that he is in debt. Friends and family helped him with a lot of money to purchase the matrimonial home, also he has taken the £37,000 to pay his debts. Will the Judge believe that? During the course of marriage they was no need of getting money of other people. We recieved siginificant amount of benefit money to look after all my children's needs.
Also he saying he worked and and provided and even borrowed money to fulfill her demands.
That's Is not true. He used abusing me financially through out the marriage.
How can I prove that ex did not need to borrow money from famliy or friends if ther was no financial difficulities?
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Just tell the truth - that is all that you can do
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I will tell the truth if it's proved ex is lying and hiding what could the judge do? Because even till now we can't the truth out of ex.
His making all these fake stories that he was in debt!
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
The Judge has wide powers to force the issue on these matters - at this stage it is a question of watch and wait
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, my daughter was admitted to hospital last Friday. I requested to social worker can I see my daughter they do not agree. Can they do this for me not to visit my daughter i hospital. I still have PR?
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I am afraid that they can - but you shoudl keep asking nonetheless
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, I have now moved to bham area. the contested hearing is listed for next week for application for permission. my daughter will be discharged today from hospital.
the core assessment was very negative written by SW. they clearly not taking into consideration the current changes I have made.
I am slowly starting to lose hope.
It's all historical events taken place over the years.
I don't what else I can do for the LA to trust me any more. they not trusting me at all.
Can you please advise what else I can do
many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
There is nothing more that you can do other than keep showing that you accept your responsibility for the past and continue to work to change
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, but because of my past the LA are not willing to give me a second chance, they don't trust me or believe the changes I have made is not going to sustained. And my two boys will be at risk if they were to be returned back to my care.
I really do not want to lose this case. It is all up to the judge end of the day. But the LA do not want to take any chances.
They say I am not be trusted.
I am really stuck. I don't know what to do to get the LA to trust me again.
They clearly do not want to work with me.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
But they do not make the final decision.
You have to keep showing that you are willing to work with them and listen - that is all you can do
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, I am just anxious I will not be given a second chance. the LA and guardian will never support not even one of my children to be returned to my care. The judge will likely support the LA recommendations. for my two boys to placed for adoption.
I cannot think of anything else to convince the judge and LA that it not be repeated anymore I have and will continue to make changes and work with LA.
they seem to have made their minds up that I have lost my chance and they gave me many chances over the years. all this is very challenging for me.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I know that it is challenging - but all you can do is keep on fighting
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare All this is making me real and emotionally draining. I was not ready to apply to revoke PO and CO. I was focusing on divorce and finance. the LA kept on pressurising that they have found adopters. I was forced to apply back to court. I am really not ready.
the ancillry matter is still on going the three houses are being by the court to be valued. If ex brother does not attend to these proceedings the judge will make decision that's sees fit. it would be disadvantage to ex brother. he is still on the run from immigration.
I just want all this to end
I an so so stressed I have no energy left to fight
Asmq
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi Asma
I can see how this must be overwhelming - you are being very courageous - and are doing better than anyone could have expected.
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I just all the hard work pays off. The main issue is why didn't I leave ex husband soon. Why did I keep on bringing him back. Even I did not sign the working agreement when ex physically assaulted me. I do not know how to answr these questions. I would only say I was vulnerable, and fragile, my confidence level was so low.I did not know how would I cope if I had left with all my children.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That is all that you can say I am afraid - but you need to show that you have ensured that this would not happen again
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, the hearings for the application of revocation order next Wednesday. What is a contested hearing?I will be crossexamined. Will the SW and guardian be cross examined aswel? It is clear the LA will not support my application.
What do you think might happen
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
It means that there is no agreement between you - and yes everyone involved will be cross-examined
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, if the placement order is revoked can the children be under care orders but placment of child with parents?
Can that be possible out come?
LA still have PR?
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
It will not be the outcome of the hearing but eventually yes this is an option
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, what will be likely be the outcome?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
At best the Placement Order will be reversed and a full parenting assessment will be ordered to work towards returning the children to your care
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, what the chance of success with my case? the guardian report was suppose file her statements and report to court we have not had chance to read the report . it might be ready for tomorow.
I am getting really nervous. if it's ordered a full parenting assessment how long will this process take?
thank you
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
There is no way of telling Asma - I wish there was.
If you do succeed it will be many months before the children return to your care - but contact should increase almost immediately
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, yesterday at my two boys review the IRO said three possibilities 1. Children return care order put in place, 2. Long term fostering look for a new family 3. Adoption to go ahead. That's three possibilities.
Yes it will take many months to work with me in return of children but the LA and Guardian are supporting this.
I am in difficult situation it all depends on my cross examination and my barrister to fight my corner.
So these options can happen tomorrow??
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Yes those are the options
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, can I appeal if my application is unsuccessful? will their be merits?
I really don't know what else I can show the LA guardian the changes?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Yes there is always a possibility of appeal
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, what would it be the main reason my application might refuse?
thank you
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That is hard to tell Asma - it will be a matter of whether they believe that you have changed sufficiently
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare barrister is no chance of success. because I am not answering the questions I am asked. that I get evasive. his not confident. maybe a psychological assessment.
I am now really at a loss?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Then you must answer the questions that you are asked and you must do so honestly
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, why does the barrister what went wrong? what sort of question is that?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
It is designed to allow you to explain what you got wrong and how you would do things differently
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, his not confident for me to give evidence because I am not admitting to the fail to protection to my son. what is psychological assessment ?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Unless you admit that then the case is doomed
A Psychological assessment is used to determine your state of mind and your mental capacity to understand the consequences of your actions
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, shall I be cross examined?
I feel such a failure! I am just so shocked by all this. What is submission statement?
I was not ready to make an aplication until I made these changes, but the LA found adopters left me no choice is to make an application. I was not ready clare. I wanted to get the divorce out the way first. Then focus.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I do understand - but the point is that where children are involved plans do have to change and you need to show that you can cope with that
If you do give evidence then you will be cross examined.
A Submission statement is a statement that is submitted instead of oral evidence
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, but counsel is not confident for me to give evidence has caused a lot of difficulities. I feel he has no confidnce me. He still thinks I donot have an insight where it all went wrong. Also I am not admitting to the things that I have caused the relationship breakdown between myself and my childen. I did out them in harm but now is different. It will never happen again
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I am afraid that he is right - unless you are willing to admit that you had a part in causing the problem then you cannot convince the court that it will never happen again
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, he adviced if I gve evidence it may go against me in the near future if I was to have more children or try to seek return of other children. can my boys revert to long term fostering while all the assessment on my self is carried out?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
You can only be guided by him
If the Placement Order is reversed then the children will remain in foster care for the time being
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, there will be no chance of the children to be long term fostered. 1. give evidence 2. withdraw my application 3. submission statement.
I am strongly adviced to withdraw because if I were to have future children and also if I want to apply discharge care orders for my other four children.
what can I do?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi Asma
A heartbreaking choice - and a true Judgement of Solomon
be guided by those closest to you
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, I need to move on with my life start a new life and focus on myself and well being.
it was hard choice. the SS report and Guardian report did not support me.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That was very very brave of you
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, I am glad it's all over. didn't need to go through all the trauma of giving evidence. Ex was fuming. I have to get good counselling and more courses then maybe in a year or two time might be better position may be try for a new family or discharge order of my four other children.
I feel numb now and deflated. I have the financial side to sort out now.
this year focus on myself move on from LA in Walsall. I have to let go. I think I made right decision for the best for my boys and postive for myself
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi Asma
You have much to be proud of - and to look forward to
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, don't know what to do with the two bedroom house need to move in one bed. might stay in bham or maybe go back to London
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Or get a lodger to keep you company and rebuild your life in Birmingham
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, I don't want to be part of LA any more. I want to start a fresh. I have nothin to be for. only contact with my two older children. I need to rebuild my life no past memories no liasimg with LA on a regular basis.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Then time for a new start somewhere new maybe
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, is there possibility that adoption might not work? with my two boys?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi Asma
They do fail - and of course once they are 18 they may want to find you as well
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I am hoping the adoption fails so the LA have no choice to leave them for long term fostering. Atleast I can see my boys. Once match meeting is done how soon the children get placed with new family?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I fully understand how you feel - BUT you need to consider why you should not say that to anyone else
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I am not going to say this to anybody else it's just a thought. so sorry. Ex was really angry towards me.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi Asma
No need to be sorry I understand exactly why you feel that way - this is a place where you can say what you wish - I just needed you to be aware that you shouldn't say it to anyone else!
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I just hope there is hope for my two boys to remain long term. sS and guardian looked really sad today that I withdrawn my application why would that be?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Hard to say love
You were brave - maybe they realised that you really had changed
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, That's true because my barrister did say that if I widthdraw it will clearly score browning points that I have clearly shown an insight that's why they were really shocked that I made that decision.
it took me a good few hours to make a decision.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Yes I am sure that that did indeed impress them
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, will myself and children's father recieve letter Of notice that an adoption application has been made will there be a hearing?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
You will receive notice of the application and there will be a pre hearing- but it would be better not to go
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare why is that you think? can I not challenge or object? how many months does this process take?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Asma you have had your last chance to challenge this successfully - to keep attending is to simply torture yourself
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, I know but I always opposed adoption I was pressured to take that step to withdraw my application because I was not fully prepared for the hearing. also if I gave evidence the judge was adverse her judgement.
now I am realisng that I should have gone ahead with submission statement I felt the barrister took over me to make the right decision.
I have asked my solicitor if there will be last chance for me so I can be more prepared and ready to answer all the questions. I am so sorry I have confused you
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi Asma
I am afraid that your time has gone, and if you do try and oppose the final adoption it will indeed impact badly on any future hopes
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I needed a good lawyer who will fight my corner! unfortunately did not work.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I know my dear
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I don't know what to do now. Shall I seek elsewhere? But I needed a good lawyer for my case. I feel iv let myself down.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
No you stay with it and carry on as you planned over the weekend
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I think what my barrister is trying to say that I withdraw application, local authority carry on with adoption. If it fails my boys will be in long term care.
I think thats what his done. If LA plans of adoption fail then longterm then restart contact with parents.
What do you think?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Yes that is certainly a possibility
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, the question barrister asked me what went wrong? why did I fail to protect my son that was injured. that I need to admit to everthing I need to take responsibility of I caused to my childre. I am struggling to answer this.
what would be my answer? barrister is saying I'm am not giving right answer to questions. that I am being evasive. I am totally confused.
Plse can you help me. where am I going wrong?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Asma you have to answer that question honestly - why did you fail?
That is what you have to deal with
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, again I am struggling to answer, can you please give me an example?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
OH Asma
It is when you can answer that that you will know you are really ready to go back to court
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, Can I meet with the prospective adopters?
Can I ask Sw can this be arranged?
Many thanks
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That is unlikely to happen - unless it is what the adoptive parents want - which is very doubtful
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I have an advocate from justice for family she advising me to write to the judge and to all parties that my counsel wrongly withdrawn my application, that I respectfully ***** ***** the case is put back in to the list. I am not sure if the judge will agree.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Does that mean that you have the answer to that question now - if not any hearing is doomed
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, yes I am ready to answer to questions
Asma 😊
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
What has changed between Friday last week and today that means that you can now answer that question
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, the hearing was on this Wednesday gone. Barrister said that I am not giving the right answers so my case will no longer. Now I can be more prepared. It's wether the jurge will relist it?
I have to give it a good go
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I think it is highly unlikely and will simply compound the concerns raised by your barrister
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, I am going to think about all this over the weekend. See what I want to do In regards ***** ***** I was to write to the judge.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That sounds like a good idea
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, I have read about the adoption process once the children have actually lived with the potential adopters for 10 weeks then they apply to court. so it is happening very quickly. I will go to the CAB and seek advice what to do. I have made a big mistake to withdraw the application .
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I am not so sure Asma
The barrister who has spoken to you and talked everything through with you and has seen all the papers could see that you were still not quite ready and that on the Witness stand you woudl not be able to deal with that big question
what went wrong? why did I fail to protect my son that was injured. that I need to admit to everthing I need to take responsibility of I caused to my childre.
So you made your decision based on that advice from a person who saw everything.
Nothing has changed and you will face the same hard choice next time
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, can I seek an independent risk assessment?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
IF the Court agrees to reopen the case and If you can afford it - Legal Aid will not pay for it - then you can ask for this yes
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I have to clear my name. There is no option for me. Request to the court to reopen the case. How much will an independant risk assessment will cost? Also the LA will not agree they just very adamant they want my boys to move on to adoption. They fixated that they want my children to shifted soon as possible. I have to fight this. I was failed by my barrister. I have been screwed by him. No body had guided me.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Your Barrister advised you on the basis of the paperwork and your presentation and the fact that yo were not likely to be able to perform well in the witness box.
he told you all the risks and you made the decision not to risk future children - or your chance with the older children
Changing your mind now is likely to create even more problems but you can take that route if you wish - but you need to have a very clear and convincing explanation of why you failed to protect your son and why you failed to take responsibility for what you did.
A Risk assessment is likely to cost £1000 or more.
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, it hard to let go of my two boys. I want to give this a last go. I want to give evidence and do the risk assessment I am willing to pay. I am hopeful I will ready by then to answer all the questions that has been raised. I am in total desperation. I will have a clear convincing why I failed to protect my son and I take responsibility of I did to my children.
As I said before I have to clear my name. But it would have to be somebody independant not children's services because they will never ever support me. It is all my fault I should have gone privately to pay to do a risk assessment earlier
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I can only imagine how painful it must be - but nothing has changed since wednesday - and I am afraid it was always going to be Children's Services who did the risk assessment - an independent one is in addition not instead
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I have been let down by my family, ex husband, children's services, I have been a victim in all this. I have to think about my life and my future.
My children's allegations if they are true of false I have been fully labeled to be neglectful mother and failed to protect my children. I am unable to fight the system now.
I will not get anywhere with them. So I have decide to move from here start a new life in London. I have nothing here to live for or do. My family even when I had my children never helped me now my children not with me they have not come to forward to help me in any way.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Then build your new future asma - be strong for yourself
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I just would like to be reassured that if I start a new family in the near future SS will not be involved or take any court action against myself and my future partner.
Only if my two boys were for long term fostering then I would have had contact with them and carry on making the changes.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I am afraid that if you do have a further pregnancy then Social Services will be involved - but if you have a different partner then it is less likely that the children will be removed from your care
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I do not mind if they are still involved. It's just I did always oppose adoption for my two boys.
I have had 6 c- section delivery. I am ntoo sure if I will be allowed anymore pregnancies I have not got sterilised it just the risk. Also my younger son will be 5 next month. So I have had long gap. When I find the right partner who will support me and future child then I will have to speak to my Doctor about any health implications.
What purnishment I am getting my boys to be adopted. All because Of the toxic marriage and injuries to my son.
If my eldest son wants to return to my care I will still not be able to have further children if my son returns. I need to make the right decision.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I know - you are still coming to terms with what has happened - none of it is easy
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi clare, I will have to continue Councilling to help me overcome my loss and grieve my loss. It is my fault I stayed in the volatile marriage. I did not safeguard my children. I do hope ex is happy with himself.
I am safe all my children are safe from him. I hope he has now learnt his lesson. If I had my children he would be pressuring me for contact and manipulate my children
What ever happened is for the best, ***** ***** not have to deal with him In regards ***** ***** arrangements.
All my children will hopefully have a better life if they were in our care we would not be able to give them because of our marriage has totally broken down.
The decree nisi has been pronounced we are near,y in the end of the divorce.
I am happy I have finally got rid of him but it cost me my children big price for me to pay now.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
That is real insight Asma
I hope the counselling helps
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I have good bye contact with my boys tomorow. I am mentally prepared now to have final contact.
I need to start focusing on my life.
let my boys go.
My life has changed now it's out of my control.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Be brave - remember you will always be their mother no matter what the legal paperwork says
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I will always be their mother. once a year letter contact will help my children to know me and the adopters will talk about me. I really do hope so. Clare do you think I will have some happiness in the future?
I can start a new life? maybe start a new family new partner new life?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Yes I do believe that
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Clare, Thank you. I do give my blessings to my children. After the visit I will be looking for a place in London. there is nothing here for me.
My family do say I need to look at my life I am 35 I need to get myself sorted mentally and physically.
i am so sorry to say again I do hope the adoption fails. So my boys atleast are fostered.
I deserve atleast bit of happiness. all this is not sinking in yet that my boys will be adopted?
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi Asma
I think your plan is a good one
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare, I had contact with my two boys. it went well towards the end it was very emotional. We had big kisses and cried. they already knew today will be last time they see me.
They were so happy we had lunch together. It's so unfair.
I really do not know what else to do.
I still think there is a some hope.
I am at a loss.
Asma
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
The hope is that when they are 18 they will seek you out and you will be able to have a relationship
Clare

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