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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33514
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi, I am currently going through a separation after years of

Resolved Question:

Hi, I am currently going through a separation after years of emotional abuse, but the police have not been involved, recently my husband bruised my son and social services were involved, husband was investigated and not charged. he is now pushing to see son when he wants, but I am scared my son will get hurt again. I have been the main to only breadwinner of the family for 6yrs and husband does not have a job. I am scared to go to mediation incase ther is an argument or that I will have to tell them infront of husband what I have told my counsellor over the last five months, due to a breakdown and miscarriage. what is the best way for me to go and best for my son. I am fully aware that husband will always be sons father and that I have no intention of stopping him seeing him, but at the moment I have no/very little trust in husband to the point that I arranged childcare for my son pre and post work tilli get home. please advise. Thankyou
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old is the child?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare, my son is 6yrs old.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
What contact has your ex actually asked for?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

He innitially said that he wanted our son to have a week at his then a week at mine, but I am concerned this will affect sons schooling, also he has not got a job and am oncerned has to how he will manage both financially and also what wil happen to son when husband does get a job. I suggested he can have josh every other weekend and Ville t him from school every Friday and take son to his gymnastic session and possibly have him for dinner. Also am concerned as husband has bruised sons ear pulling him out from under a chair because he was angry with son for not doing his homework. Although police did not charge husband, I am still very weiary that it could happen again.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Who has had the day to day care of the child until now.
What action are Social Services taking about the bruising
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

husband has taken child to school and collected whilst I at work full time. the plan was for him to get a job when son started school to help with bills, but this not materialise as he used the excuse of having to take son to and from school. my hours are not set in stone and can be manipulated to accomdodate taking son to and from school as they now have, as occupational health at my works has been involved to reduce tension when I get home form work, as to what I was walking into. they took me off 12hour days and put me on 5 shorter days. I now work to accomaodate taking son to childcare pre-school,and plan to have him go to childcare after school 4 days a week for a short time to allow me to continue working fulltime. Thus freeing husband up to get a job. once he has a job and know what he is working, we can re-negotiate childcare. but once I am home the child care responsibilities fall on me if what I am saying and doing suits husbands ideas, otherwise I am pushed out and have been push away from being able to be a true mum, as I would like to son, by husbands actions.

I am not 100% sure as what social services are doing about the bruising, alli know is that they feel that husband is allowed to stay in the same house as us, and police have not charged husband. They have said that husband is not allowed to chastice son physically at all. and there is some form of order on husband, to prevent him from doing it again. I am still awaiting for the full report to come out, but (I think it is childrens services) have allocated a support worker to the family and they are coming to see us next week. son is also being referred to a feelings group as he often lashes out at me, and they are getting quite violent, in order to help him deal with anger and feelings. husband very often used to smash things up in the house in front of son and break his toys in anger, also whilst I was there.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Why was the child under the chair?
Had there been any earlier incidents?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Child was under the chair because dad was shouting at him because son wouldn't do his homework, it was spelling homework, and son found it difficult at first and I had suggested doing about 1/2hr a day if possible. Husband says he pulled him out from under the chair to change his mood. I came home from work to find son sobbing his heart out and asked what had happened. All these things always happen when I am at work. I have always been scared of what I am going to come home too. Then I have to pick uo the prices and sort it out. That's why work took me of long days and put me in short days to try and reduce these situations. There have been other in incidents of shouting when I have walked in from work. Then I nit only having to resolve it, but have to put up with being hit and pun he'd by my son and ignored by my husband as he leaves the rom to sit in pc in computer room upstairs.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
What has your ex said about you (very reasonable) offer of contact?
Does he actually have somewhere to stay with the child?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

he has said to me that he is not going to be dictated to about when he can see son and at the momentwe both still live in the same house but sleep in seperate rooms as he would not move out as hr has no money. He is looking at renting or buying somewhere as he says so that he Can home both josh and himself. But at present he has no in one to get a mortgage or money to rent, but he dora have a house he rents out that he could go back too, as I haven no intention of asking for 50% of that and have told him that he can keep that in his name.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Who owns the house that you currently live in?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Both my husband and I.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
How much is it worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage?
What other assets are there ad what income do you each have?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

The house has gone on the market for £299995 and we owe £64800 aprox.

My income is £27800becore tax per anum. Husband has no regular income. The second house is being rented out, but my husband sorts that out as although my name is ***** ***** mortgage, that is his buisiness as it was his house when we met. I know it has been valued at £99000 this year but I do not know what is owed on it or what it makes. This is the house that I have said can go back in husband and he can keep. I am only interested in selling the one we live in to go 50/50 on and I shall take over the endowement for the one we live in so that when it pays outin 5years it pays to me. He has a spare endowement and the one to the other property, which are both in his name.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Have you both agreed this sensible 9and even generous) approach?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I take it you mean about the splitting of assets, if so yes.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Yes that is what I meant - and I am glad that it is sorted.
With regard to your child you and your ex are expected t agree what arrangements should be made for your child using Family Mediation if necessary
www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk
You do not need to worry about having to confront him at mediation - the mediator will ensure that that does not happen
If agreement cannot be made then an application will have to made to the court for a Child Arrangement Order
The fact that your husband has been the main carer would usually mean that he had more chance of having the day to day care of the child HOWEVER the Domestic Violence makes the issue much more complicated and you will need to be honest about your concerns.
Your suggestion of alternate weekends is good but one night in the week would also be reasonable.
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

O.k. Clare, with regards ***** ***** and him already been looking after son, even though I have had no choice but to go to work otherwise the bills wouldn't get paid etc. The plan was that after I had had a year off after having son, that husband then took voluntary redundancy to look afte son whilst I was at work, for a couple of years and then he was going to get a job as he wanted a change of job. But he did not get a job and has used the excuse of having to pick son up from school and take him to school, despite the fact that my shifts and hours are not set in stone and that i amotlre than happy to reduce my hours to look after son, i have missed that more than anything and feel that i have not been aloud or able to be a TRUE parent to son. Does this still kran that he is likely to get custody of son.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I am afraid that the reason why he was the primary carer is not relevant - however the worst that will happen would be that you would get a shared care order with your ex having more time that you hope - not that he will have him all week
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33514
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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