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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33810
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi, my brother currently has his 3 children 3 nights each

Customer Question

Hi,
my brother currently has his 3 children 3 nights each week and his ex wife 4 nights each week. His ex wife wishes to move approx 30 miles away to be closer to her own family. My brother does not want to stand in her way because she is unhappy where she is and wants to move on with her life but he worries about changes which will have to be made to the custody agreement they have already. They have almost reached amicable terms for the changes which will have to take place concerning my brothers contact with his children although it is hurting him very much because he feels his contact with his children will be being reduced. His ex wife has told him that he can visit the children mid week and take them for tea or something, then pick them up after school Friday evening and she will pick them up again midday Sunday. She has said that in school holidays she will share the children with him in accordance with their current court order which is for him to pick them up Thursday morning and have them until 10:30am Sundays. My brother has lost trust in his ex wife due to her having an affair behind his back and fears once she moves with the children that she may start depriving him of contact. Can you please advise what court forms I need to download for my brother in order to amend their arrangements over the children and do you feel there are any other steps my brother should take. He can not afford to return to his solicitor now legal aid is no longer available and dont know what to do for the best really. He dont want the children to move but from what he was told at previous court hearings dont believe a judge would stop his ex wife from moving just 30 miles. Also he knows deep down if his ex wife is unhappy where she is that is not a healthy state to be in and is trying to make the best if not only choices he has for the childrens best interests although he will be the one at the end of the day who sees his children less than he does now. Please advise, thank you Donna
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old are the children and how do they feel about the move?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hello Clare

The twin girls are 8 in February and the youngest girl is 4 (5 in May).

Initially they when my brother asked them how they felt about moving none of them wanted to, they all said they didn't want too. When it became obvious that their Mum was going to make the move regardless of how the children felt Jason (my brother and our side of the family) felt

heart broke for the children but thought it best not to worry or scare them about the inevitable changes to come. And so if it as been mentioned by the children Jason has been talking about it in terms of a big new adventure to them, new house, new friends, new school Woww so to speak. He dont want them to be frightend none of our side of the family do. Jason's ex wife has not asked the children how they feel about the move , all has she has done is manipulate them into false sence of security so as she gets what she wants. When i have stated to her 'all that Jason wants is the childrens happiness' she has simply replied 'of course they will be happy'. She does not give Jason a sence that she has even thought about the unsettlement she is going to cause the children. At this point she has already rented the new house , which she intends to move into mid January. Even if Jason had the money to try stop the childrens move in the court arena he does not think a judge will stop her moving 30 miles away with the children, it was briefly mentioned at a previous hearing about a year ago and at the time the judge told Jason that children adapt to change well and so he did not see any problem if his ex wife wanted to move 30 miles up the road. That as always stuck in Jasons mind hence he dont believe if he could go to court his ex wife would be stopped from moving. Jason has been engaging in talks with his ex wife sorting out new custody issues because the time and day he usually picks the children up will have to change because of the move. He will not be able to pick them up Thursday mornings and take them to school and bring them home after school and share that whole night with them anymore nor take them to school Friday mornings , all precious hours before and after school which for Jason will disapear.

Thank you for any advise Clare, it is appreciated.

Donna ( for my brother)

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Just checking - there was a Court fight last time?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

No there was no big fight in court or long drawn out battle over the children. No accusations, they were only in court once or twice and it was to sort out arrangments over the children. Each of their solicitors went between them with requirements. They came to agreements and custody was sorted out and court orders put in place by the judge whilst

they were there. Since then Jason has picked the children up early Thursday mornings and they have resided with him untill Sundays at 10:30 am. He has always taken the children also if his ex wife has had something to do , in reality Jason has had the children with him much more of the time than the court order states.

Thankyou

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Could your brother manage having them longer in the holidays?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi

Yes Claire he could although his ex wife has not offered that to make up for the time he is going to miss with the children which he has now.

She proposes that in the holidays days and times just return to normal , he picks them up Thursday mornings untill she comes and takes them with her again Sunday mornings 10:30 am ish. She has offered no extra time in the holidays for what he is going to loose now.

Do you think Jason is entitled to some extra time during holidays and do you feel he would be given it by the judge?

Also which forms should i print off the internet for him so that he can alter the custody arrangment and where does any requests Jason has need to be written. It is as though his ex wife just lies down what she wants regardless of how Jason or the children feel.

Thankyou

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Just to check - could your brother cope with the children full time during the week if need be?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Claire,

such a difficult question and if I am honest for the girls sake, no.

I know he would really try but without family support I think Jason would struggle a little, saying that I think his ex wife would struggle a bit too without family support.

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your honesty - it is rare and precious in these circumstances.
On that basis there is little point in your brother opposing the move - he could do so but the outcome would be doubtful and the antagonism that it would produce would be counterproductive.
Instead he should concentrate on negotiating a new arrangement which gives him at least half of all school holidays possibly more.
The starting point is to try and negotiate with his ex using family mediation
www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk
If that fails he can consider making an application to the court himself - many people are doing so now.
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33810
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
Clare and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you Claire,

Jason does want new arrangements to be legal and wants to make the application to the court.

Please can you advise me which form I need to get for him?

He has to have some peace of mind that his ex wife hopefully will not breach any arrangements, he has lost trust in her to be truthful after she had an affair.

I am glad we spoke and Jason is on his way over to me, I will discuss what you have said with him.

Thank you

Donna x Have a Great New Year

ps if you could just let me know which form/forms ??

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
He will need to use mediation first - but if an agreement is made then it can be turned into a Consent Order - or an application can be made to the court.
The form he will need is here
http://hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/c100-eng.pdf
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Sorry to bother you again Clare,

just need to confirm with you that Jason will need to attend mediation with his ex wife before sending his C100 into court, even though they are the children's parents ??

I suppose it would hopefully be beneficial because although they are amicable about some things they are not others.

Thanks

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Yes I am afraid that he will have to attend a Mediation appointment first - it is now a requirement
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you Clare

You have been so helpfull at this time because Jasons ex wife is moving 16th January with the children. Jason feels that she is just steaming ahead with her plans but none of his wishes/ hopes for his future arrangments are in place yet. The mediation will at least give him chance to voice his wishes and be heard with hopefully his ex wife being reasonable. I really feel too that the hours with his children which is going to dissapear when the move is made should be made up to him during holidays. I will help him sauce a mediator service today. I feel I need to just carry on quite urgently helping him get what he needs to do in place because of the time frame before his ex moves with the girls. The solicitor who sorted out Jasons divorce and arrangments with the children previously is not open untill 5th January and depending on how

long it would take her to sort this out for him her fee could be more than at this time Jason can afford. Family can help him best we can but none of us are rich so to speak. I hope you dont mind me asking but where are you based Clare and what would your fee be to help my brother get fair play in this situation. My email is *****@******.*** if you could let me know. Just that i have been glad of your support at this time and you have always responded. Thank you

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I am afraid that the rules of the site mean that I cannot act in person for your brother HOWEVER i am able to offer additional services via this site to help him in his application if need be
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thankyou for replying quickly Clare,

Yes please advise me what you can do to help futher and what the fee will be please.

Thankyou

Donna

how do i get to additional services Clare and then you

Thanks

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Once you have sorted the mediation out then you can request me again and we can assess what the next step should be - and I can give you a quote!
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Do mean after Jason and hopefully his ex have attended mediation?

Thank you

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Yes of course!
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dear Clare

can you please advise me urgently if you get this message in time.

Jason's ex wife disputes that he will be loosing as much time with the children on Thursday as we have calculated. She is saying if the kids are put to bed at an appropriate time 7 - 730 pm for school next day realistically he will only loose about 3-4 hours after school because the kids should be in bed and asleep. When I calculated the hours I did include throughout the night as well and approx 2 hours next morning whilst Jason takes them to school.

Am I being unrealistic to include the whole of Thursday night in my calculations??

Because if I am I do not want to advise Jason that this is right if it is wrong. She is also saying that these few hours can be made up if Jason travels the 30 miles to visit the children Wednesday after school. Problem is he needs to pick them up after school Friday so going there on the Wednesday too may not always be affordable or convinient for him. Are we asking too much for the hours to be made up in the school holidays ??

Thanks

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Nonsense - at the moment he has the benefit of having the care of the children one night a week and he will lose this - it is not about counting hours
He is not asking for hours to be made up - he is asking for extra nights in the holidays so that he can have a homelife with the children
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thankyou Clare,

Jason has the children 3 nights a week at the moment.

I accompanied Jason tonight,meeting with his ex wife and her mother athis ex wifes address. To be truthfull I know Jason felt quite pressured because I felt it myself. His ex wifes mother had prepared on paper all the reasons why the move would be good for the children , lots of positive aspects about the new school which they would be attending ect ect. Although i had prepared some of Jasons hopes I felt ill equiped for him. The matter of Jason being able to have the children extra nightsthrough out school holidays really difficult to address. A draft arrangment containing Jason's ex wifes wishes and some of Jasons wishes was typed up. They were quite insistant that Jason should sign it aso that it could go to court monday morning. I could see he felt uncomfortable and upset being pressed to sign an arrangment made in such haste. He told them he wants to consult with his solicitor first

The matter of him getting extra time in holidays is not addressed in what was written. Anyway he did not sign it but does not know what to do for

the best. The arrangment drafted gives him nothing which he dosn't already have. I feel we are too innocent in these matters.All as Jason knows is he wants fairness. I wish you were here to help him.

Thank you for your thoughts x

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
What do they mean about going t court - has an application been made?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare,

no applications have been prepared yet. Jason's ex is under the impression that if they reach a mutual agreement that all they have to do is take it to the court.

Personaly i dont think it is that easy is it ?

Donna

PS

They are also saying because she has residency of 4 nights a week where as she get all benefits and Jason has the children 3 nights a week he wouldnt get extra days granted him during school holidays to make up for what he is going to loose when she moves. I just feel he is going to worse off and nothing we can do.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Please do not listen to them.
At the moment he has shared care of the children on a 4/3 night split and is fully involved with their everyday lives' including school
This will change considerably when the move happens so it is not unreasonable for your brother to have more time in the holidays - at least half of every holiday - if not more.
Your brother can insist on Mediation - and if that fails apply for a Child Arrangement Order.
Consent Orders can be applied for - but it is not possible to simply turn up at court with a signed piece of paper!
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

She is saying that in the school holidays they can return to the arrangement which is in place now ie. Jason picks the children up Thursday mornings and they stay with him through until she collects them Sunday's at 12 midday. Alternate weeks during longer holidays he can pick them up Wednesday 5pm and she will come get them Saturday teatime 5pm.

Jason is worried now if he presses for more time what little amicability there is between them will disintegrate but more so his ex wife with the input of her mum will throw absolutely anything they can at him to make things difficult for him to have the children at all.

There is a couple of police logs which they as good as threatened him with when we met last night. One was involving a a new boyfriend which his ex took around the children, he did not feel she had known the man long enough before allowing him around their little girls so he lost his temper went round to his ex wifes house and threw the guy out. She had him logged for that and a policewoman visited him just to check he would not do that again. When he explained what had happened the policewoman could see he was just a caring Dad, but regardless it was logged. And then only yesterday morning his ex wife went to the police station in a very distraught state basically accusing him of emotional abuse which is so so untrue Clare, yet again logged though. At the meeting last night it was instigated that all this would be brought up. And it puts fear in Jason and all of us because if they start playing dirty exaggerated games they might stop him seeing his children at all. I believe they will turn very nasty with him Clare if he dont settle for what is available to him. At this very time he is being rushed to sign arrangments early this week prefrebly tomorrow for them.

Really dont know what to do for the best, ***** ***** see he is so sick of all his ex wifes tricky ways, he is such a honest guy it is a sin.

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I cannot tell you not to accept what is offered.
I can say that he would be given half of the School holidays.
It would be better to simply arrange a Mediation appointment and say that he will be willing to abide by whatever is agreed at Mediation so that that can be turned into a court order - there is no need for any rush
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dear Clare,

your advise has been so supportive through a time period when we have had no one else to talk to because of Christmas holidays. I telephoned Jason immediately and told him what you had said. He was bowing to his ex wife's wishes because he felt so under pressure and intimidated especially when her & her mum joined forces. Terms in the arrangement which had been prepared felt uncomfortable and camouflage the true facts why Jason's ex wife wants to move. It is because of how she feels not that it will be better for the children because it may not.

One of Jason's very trusted friends has looked at what they have written and feels it is very one sided to suit themselves and possibly could sign away more than Jason needs to.

So with both you and Jason's friend advising him against signing anything he is now going to make an appointment to consult with his solicitor first thing in the morning. Our funds are very limited though and I just hope this can be sorted out swiftly. I would bring him to see you if I could but I don't know if this is possible. I would certainly like to be able to get in touch with you again if needs be but it would be good to be able to come and see you. We can travel but I do not know if you can tell us how to find you.

I will update you after we get to see the solicitor.

x

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I will be able to offer telephone assistance but not face to face advice I am afraid.
It would be more sensible to book an Urgent Mediation appointment rather than a visit to the solicitor
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

But would the mediation assistance be able to bring awarness of facts of law into the areana, for example letting Jasons ex wife know he is entitled to more than is being offered. I realy feel she plays by her own version of facts.

' I want, I am having ' so to speak.

If urgent mediation can calm but also bring awarness of Jasons rights into the room?

Like you have brought awarness to us Clare , i think his ex needs someone of aurthority to talk to her then she might listen before telling Jason how things are going to be.

Thank you

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
The fact is that Mediation has to happen before there can be a court case.
This is not about law at all - it is about what is right for the children and how their time can be shared between their parents - and 50/50 on school holidays is standard
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you Claire

Absolutly 100% I will tell Jason this morning. I am starting to feel the stress of this myself, breaking out in nerve rashes and constant headakes. I just want to get my brother in the hands of someone who can negociate his rights and get him what he deserves also stating the true facts for his ex wife wanting to move not camoflaging the t***** *****ke in the arrangment her mum has written up. I feel it was a big mistake to try sort any agreement out at the house two nights ago, there was too much dishonesty and pressure on Jason to put his name to paper on an arrangment he felt wrong about.

Please let me know how i can reach you by telephone and the fees for that service.

Thank you

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
The first thing to say is that even if he has signed it he can change his mind at court it is allowed!
I will let you know as soon as I have a telephone number allocated!
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hello Clare,

Jason had quite a long consultation with his solicitor 2pm today. She had already earlier this morning asked Jason for permission to chat with her via telephone, he gave permission. Jason's solicitor believed an agreement could be made between them without dragging things into court. To put things in a nutshell Jason's solicitor telephone his ex wife on a couple of occasions whilst Jason was still with her trying to reach an agreement over equal share of school holidays. His ex wife would not agree to this share and he gained a couple of hours but not half share during holidays. His solicitor advised him to except what she was offering because if he took it to court there was an high risk that he may even loose some time and so he felt he had no option than to except an arrangement which is mostly suited to his ex wife. He is really deeply hurt tonight and feels there is no fairness. He was prepared to go to court to ask for half share of the holidays but his solicitor advised him against it. So he ended up feeling there was no point going to court the chances were high that he would loose any of the contact which he already has. As for mediation Claire he felt how could it possibly work with an ex wife who bends and camoflarges the truth

to suit herself.

Not fair is it Claire

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Personally I would change solicitors - I think this was very bad advice
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Can he retract the solicitors agreement which he has signed and still go to court if he wants to take his chances because in consideration for involvment he has now to what he is going to have when they move it is not fair.

In school holidays

He wants to pick the children up on a Wednesday morning at 10:30 am

and keep them until Saturday at 5-6pm. He wants a full 3.5 days each in holidays. She wont give it to him.

Can he still still do anything, solicitor knows he has been rushed with this.

Donna x He is frightened of loosing time

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.

Hi

yes he can phone the solicitor today and withdraw his consent

IF that is what he wishes to do

There is a risk that he could lose some of his weekends - which may be what his solicitor was concerned about.

Clare

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

That was the concern Clare his solicitor advised him that there was an high risk that he could loose some of hos weekends so even if he had have been given full share of the holidays he was going to loose the other way if this went badly for him in front of a judge.

Right now he feels he really has had enough and wants peace so i tell he will have the children in his life every week . I lnow it dont sit well with him though because of some of his ex wifes past behaviour he would like the girls closer to him. Just a very careing Daddy thats about it. Still would like your contact details if possible for future and i am wandering if he needs help in future could he consult with you. There is something about you haveing a High Street Office ??

Thanks

Donna

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
My major concern is that in six months time his ex will say that the children want to spend more time with their local friends and alternate weekends may be the next step anyway
However if that does happen he can ask to have two weekends out of three plus more than half of the school holidays
You can ask for me on here at any time
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I really hope that she don't start playing those ind of games with him otherwise she is going to push him over the edge. That's when Dad start doing stupid things because they are so much distress.

I do worry for him Clare he is a innocent soul, 46 years old but a proper kind heart. He still loves his ex wife too and she as wanted him back for a long time but he has lost trust in her so he can't, although I think he will always love her in a way. If he had the residence order and was primary carer he would be so fair with her, he would give her full share. And if he didn't have too he would still say give the children s mother full share in holidays if the shoe was on the other foot.

She will stoop pretty low to get what she want ie. she has messed his head up so much allowing 'new' boyfriends around the children, it has drove him over the edge already and he through one out of her house, she just phones the police on him and it is 1 point to her..... a police log against Jason to use in court if needs be.

She has done that twice now to him run and had his named logged .

No one knows how much she as mentally tortured Jason because he don't go running to the police. I hope things settle down and they can get along as well as can be expected but she is so tricky Clare and when she joins forces with her Mum they can be seriously damaging and walk away from a life they have destroyed. Heartless to get what they want. We did not even know what a residency order was when Jason divorced her but she sure did and she knew what came with it..... primary care of the three children, all of the benefits and a lovely big paid for house too.

They had done it all before with broken relationships in their family but we were innocent new nothing of court forms ect.

God you must be fed up of me........ so sorry, just wish you were my brothers solicitor, you are thinking about what next and it as crossed my mind today too. The next way she is not getting her way with Jason or he is not bending to all of the rules what will she do to him next.

x

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi Donna
Should anything happen next we will address it as it happens!
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33810
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
Clare and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you Claire,

please forward me your telephone details if possible at this point.

Take Care Donna x

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
It can only be done when you have a further question- but do not worry I will be here!
Clare

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