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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33283
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I have just separated from my partner (not married)

Customer Question

Hello,
I have just separated from my partner (not married) of 3.5 yrs. We have two 2.5 yr children (and she has two others from previous marriage). I have left the family home now for two weeks (after a couple of months of discussions, arguements etc after she suggested she wanted space and a trial separation). However I have just found out that another man has been involved - I can't prove for how long, but certainly they have been involved before we formally split up.
However she is deliberately lying to me about sleeping with him etc etc - even though she now admits to have a boyfriend - but she says I should be ok with it cos we are separated. She is also being nice to me implyig that we may still have a future together as it might just be a stage she has to go through (as part of me giving her space)
Anyway - my legal question is - are there any reasons why she would be stalling for time? - I know she is VERY sensitive to the subject of 'custody' of the children. She will also want to make sure she gets a fair financial settlement. In others words if she delays we doing something formally for a while does her chance of a good settlement (children or money) improve. I know she could have got legal advice.
Is there anything I should be doing - getting evidence, getting her to sign things etc etc? in order to protect myself if she does have something planned?
Thanks in anticipation of a response
Nick
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Nicola-mod replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
I've been working hard to find a Professional to assist you with your question, but sometimes finding the right Professional can take a little longer than expected.
I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you.
Thank you!
Nicola
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first
How much is the house worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage?
How old are her other children?
How are you currently sharing the care of your children?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

House is worth about £280,000. Outstanding mortgage around £210,000.

Her other Children are 9 and 7.

At the moment we are trying to work out arrangements for our children, I've had them about two nights a week (but its only been a couple of weeks)- but really want them around 50% of the time (or at least I don't want to do anything that would prejudice me getting this in the future - especially if I get another partnerf)..

Thanks Nick

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Who has been the principal carer of the children until now?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Upto now we have obviously lived together, and my partner has taken the lead. I however always put them to bed and also got up in the night with them and got up in the morning with them whilst I left my partner in bed for 1-2 more hours. She works 3days a week so looked after them on the 2 days she's off whilst I worked. At weekends we spent equal time with them.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Do the other children lie with her full time?
Where did the deposit for the house come from?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
One of the other children lives there full time (although she's meant to spend time with her dad) the other does spend 2.5 days a week with his dad.
I paid the house deposit (about. £20000) and also for all of a house extension and improvements to a level of about £50,0000.
I also traded in my car (about ~£15000) at the time and put about £20,000 pound more in to buy a £35000 family car. Just before we separated I was persuaded to sign this over to my partner, now valued at about £27500 ((before I realised someone else was involved)
Nick
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I can see no legal explanation for the delay so I am afraid it really is just a case of wanting to have her cake and eat it as well.
The only tiny advantage she might be trying to achieve is to establish a pattern that says that the children live with her - but to be honest since your already have them two nights a week there is little to be achieved by delay.
However I do have bad news about the house - so long as she does not cohabit you will find it difficult to force a sale of the property before the youngest child is 18 because of the housing needs of the children.
At that stage you will still receive your full 50% share of the equity
She will have to pay the mortgage using the child maintenance which is your only financial liability
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare

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