I think his money has gone to his own family, that is his parents, his brother and their children.
i also think he is simply extremely bad at managing money and never thought to control where he spends it, he has basically lived like he is a millionaire, wherever he went he would be the one paying for everything, hence all the credit card debt, which is also where he has been borrowing on, and then he only pays back the minimum amount which means the interest just accrues.
I also have consolidated his debts onto the mortgage on two occasions, i think totalling about 20k. Prior to that in 2003, he got his brother married to a woman in England, (he is from Pakistan) and that money came form further borrowing on the mortgage which I continued to pay.
I have tell you that in 1999, I had my second child, a gorgeous little boy we named Zain. Zain was born with a life threatening heart condition and I was told he would not survive weeks. Zain lived until 2004.
When Zain was diagnosed at 10 days old with the heart condition, I knew I would not be returning to work any time soon. I tried to discuss with him how we would manage to pay the mortgage and bills and he just sat there, not uttering a word. This has been the response I have always got when asking him where his money goes or why he doesn't help with any bills.
I have always paid for everything our older son has ever needed, for example he went on a mental health placement to a hospital in Sri Lanka last year and then on a bit of a back packing trip around South East Asia, I funded that. My son completed an MSc in Psychology in 2013 which his dad told him he would pay for but then my son had to get a career progression loan as his dad did not come up with the funds. No surprise there.
Anyway, recently, I have been looking to move house as the mortgage on this house is nearly paid off after I inherited some money after my dad passed away in 2011.
This is where I have discovered that he has massive debts still, on credit cards, loans and an overdraft. One of the loans is for consolidating credit card debt a few years ago and the other is 12K he borrowed and invested in shares in First Bus where he works. he had not told me about this when he did it and I believe had he actually made any money on the shares he would have kept that to himself.
I could go on, there is much more. I am not sure where to stop.
Please tell me if you need to know more.
I shall respond tomorrow evening as I am at work during the day.