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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33310
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Step son moved to his dad's weekend just gone (he was working

Customer Question

Step son moved to his dad's weekend just gone (he was working on the Friday so went Saturday morning)and was due at ours this weekend. We've made plans and kids really excited. When my hubby contacted the bio dad was told step son wants to stay at his bio dads this weekend to settle in. When speaking to step son seems part is settling in but part dad has been working all week and step son wants to spend time with him (he's going to be with sitters every day and Sunday night he went to his cousins for a sleep over as dad working the next day but step son was looking forwards to settling in the whole weekend) explained to step son why a no and he said fine. Explained to bio dad and he's now telling us that Will should stay there this weekend and is being quite bossy and basically coming across as telling us he won't be going. Where do we stand legally? Knew this would happen and other kids upset he might not come and we now have to cancel plans and I have to rearrange my work shifts. We can't have step son next weekend as his sisters are away on school trips for the weekend and I'm working Friday-Sunday as planned in around when the kids were here and the bio dad only given us 4 days notice before step son due here.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
I am afraid that you will have to make arrangements in future which are nor dependent on the child being with you
This will not be the last time this happens and the only thing that you can do is tell the child he will be missed and that you will see him next time
The less pressure you put ion him the more likely it is that he will realise that the grass is not greener after all
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yeah, we've left it like that. One thing Kevinmdid text me is that he won't "follow a timetable" and won't be made to follow it either. He sent William on his own on the train last weekend but it was late when William got to us (gone 7, and wasn't our local train station) and told us to put him on a train back at 4 so he'd get back for 5. Louise (Wills mum) works till 6 on Fridays. Kevin text her to say he'd put Will on the train and she'd have to go pick him up then put him on a train back on the Sunday.mshe didn't feel comfortable Will catching the train on his own and he replied "Well how else will he get to yours?" The court order States Wills to be dropped off to her and Kevin is to pick and drop off to us. He then text her something along the lines of (in a nasty way) that ***** *****ves with him now so her responsibility to go get Will. She's left it that as she's looking into how she can do it if she can. Wills due at hes this weekend and Kevin left it till Tuesday to tell her all of this. His attitude stinks, I get to a point what he's saying but our views always been do what's best for the kids and as they live with us we've gone along with the court order arrangements so the kids can spend Friday till Sundays with Kevin & Louise, Kevin chose to scale back his time with Will, we tried our best to reason that he should see Will from the Fridays to no avail. Where do we stand legally and where does she stand? He's not up for discussion on anything other than dropping Will to the train station after he finishes work but having him back by 5 via train. Legally is it our responsibility to get him but Kevin's to collect? And Louise's responsibility to go get him and Kevin to get him back when it's her weekend? Also, Will was knackered when got to ours from the train journey and when he was going back he commented he'd found it knackering and seemed pretty down about going back in the train. Unfortunately his dad will only do what benefits him and his other kid (even though we've bent over backwards last few years to fit round everyone in the situation, esp him) and from experience he won't back down and the power of having Will live with him will go to his head.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Remind me ho wold he is - and how long is the train journey?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Turned 13 in April, train journey is just over an hour and involves getting off, walking 10 minutes before meeting whoever's picking him up
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Are Social Services still involved?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No. The school tried to involve them before talking to us about Wills mental state when all this started but they said it wasn't anything to do with them. They haven't been involved at all, should they be? Never had a social worker
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
What contact have you had with the new school?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Before the move spoke a couple times to discuss a tour, to ask about paperwork, and we all went in the week before he started there. We were meant to have a tour but hey didn't give us one and Will seemed happy enough with wha he saw and heard so we didn't want to cause probs in front of him. That's it really. They have our contact details.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Have you asked the school how he is settling in?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Not yet, was going to call and ask Monday after he'd been there a couple of weeks.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Louise (Wills mum managed to get someone to pick Will up and drop him back on the Sunday. Due to work she has problems picking Will up from where his train comes in. She at least has 6 weeks now to plan how to do it or arrange with work to leave earlier rather than less than a week which is the time he gave her to sort it out this week. He'd given her less than a week the week before but had said it was because he had his other son and didn't say that this would be a weekly thing and then when she said she hadn't realised she'd be picking Will up he got nasty. It was a fair comment. He hasn't talked to us about the next weekend Wills due with us. I expect he won't until a couple of days before. He seems to expect us to drop everything last minute to fit around him but he has always acted this way just not as nastily. I may have to work next Friday and it won't be possible for my husband who suffers with ill health to drive 5 kids 15 miles to a train station and hope that Will makes it out ok. Will didn't charge his phone when going to Louise's so she couldn't get hold of him on the journey which I expect will happen with us as well. I'm faced with the choice of throwing a sicky or begging a family member to change their plans to go get him or pay for a baby sitter to go and get him. In a way I want to make Will a priority but I also have to hine about my other children and earning enough money to support us.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
However understandable your concern is about your step son the fact is that you have to work and you your husband cannot collect the child.
Take action now.
Inform his stepfather as to when you can collect him and when you cant.
Remind him that the safety of the child is now HIS principle concern and that accordingly he should not put the child on a train that you cannot meet - unless he also provides money for the taxi at the other end
Clare

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