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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34589
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My ex is an alcoholic, unemployed, bankrupted and living with

Resolved Question:

My ex is an alcoholic, unemployed, bankrupted and living with his mother. He has not provided anything financially but I've paid him in excess of £11000 over the last 6 months to try and help him out.he is currently £70000 in debt. The only way he wants to see the kids is if I drive them down to him ( he's 1 1/2 hours away) and basically spend the day with them and drive back again. I no longer wish to do this. I've told him he can come up and take them out for the day whenever he wants but so far he hasn't done it. He tells the kids I'm keeping them from him and now wants to take it to court. He has been in rehab 5 times and the police has been called twice due to his drunken behaviour. He has also driven drunk with the kids in the car.
When he speaks to the kids he is basically calling me every name under the sun and upsetting the kids. As a result they don't want to speak to him or see him. He is convinced that that is my fault. The kids are settled and happy with me in our new home and are thriving in their school. I don't want to upset them any further.
What are my rights? And what are his?
Thank you
Katrine
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old are the children?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Clare, thank you for responding.
The children are 6 and 12.
Katrine
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Did you move away?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
First of all we never married. I am Danish and my ex is English. The kids have Danish passports. We did move to France for 7 years but returned to the UK two years ago because his drinking got so bad. Our youngest was born in France.
Since leaving my ex we moved and now live 1 1/2 hours away from him and he doesn't have a car.
Thanks
Katrine
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Would you be willing to meet him half way?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Not really. He is really hostile and aggressive especially when he has been drinking. i have offered him to speak to the kids every weekend via FaceTime and to come and take them out every other weekend or have them stay over at his mum.
He hasn't made any arrangements so far and spends most face time sessions having a go at the kids or slagging me off. The kids don't want to see him.
I get the impression he only wants to see the kids if I'm there also. Now that I'm saying no to that, he is turning nasty. I've just found out he has been hacking into my email account and Facebook account. He is threatening to sue me for slander because I've contacted you. He seems really irrational and I worry about the kids safety In his care. He is also blackmailing me. Saying he is going to tell the world about my indiscretions. He is referring to my party ways a good 20 years back.
I just want him to leave us alone.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
The law says that children are entitled to contact with both parents and the court's will enforce this if necessary.
However that contact has to be safe for the children - and child focussed and it appears that your ex is unable to achieve this.
As a starting point write a letter offering
1. Face time once a week PROVIDED he uses the time to speak to the children about their lives. Make it plain that if he is abusive about you (or anyone else) then the call will be terminated until the following week
2. make a clear offer of Contact every fortnight - given the abuse and the drink problems I would suggest that the offer be for contact at a Contact Centre
www.naccc.org.uk
Choosing one midway between you or easy for you both to reach.
Say that if contact there goes well then you can talk about moving it on.
If he is not happy with this then he will have to arrange to use Family Mediation to start with before any applictaion is made to the court. If he does =make an applictaion all he would get is what you would have offered so there is no need for concern
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare
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