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ukfamilysolicitor
ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 734
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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My husband and I are divorced from March this year.

Customer Question

Hello,
My husband and I are divorced from March this year. He had an affair with a pupil at his school which I found out about when I was 5 weeks pregnant. We have two children a 4 year old daughter and a 7 month old son.
I have been really accommodating about him seeing them for the last year. WE agreed that they should only have on home so he comes and looks after them in my house and I usually left to give them some time. However, he has really started becoming very upsetting and manipulative and I don't think that as much contact is good for or the kids. I am happy for him to see them but just take them out (he does not have his own home- he rents a room in a house with 5 others)and he has girlfriends which I don't think my eldest will cope with too well at the minute. What should I do?
Thanks
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Welcome to Just Answer
Thank you for your question.
I am a Solicitor and will assist you.
Please could you explain for me:
- your ex husbands behaviour - including a couple of examples and the effect this is having on your children
- How often your ex husband is currently seeing your children at you house
- was the affair that he had with a pupil a child - what age? were social services involved? was there a criminal case?
- what are your proposals for the time he spends with your children moving forward?
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He puts me down infront of the children. He shouts at me and calls me crazy. He is highly manipulative and emotionally abused me.
He is not a danger to the children but my wellbeing is important as I do most things for the kids and I work too and I don't think it's good for them to see this.
The pupil was 18 so not criminal and social services are not involved.
I think it needs to be once a week visits so we can get on with our lives a little bit! He was seeing them 3 times a week but this has been once a week for the last month while we were moving due to my fathers illness. But he wants to increase it again.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Example... This week he got angry because we were talking about Christmas and he was shouting so loud I thought it would wake up ye kids. He told me I was shouting and being irrational and unreasonable an he keeps saying stuff until you believe you are going mad but I don't really accept it anymore.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Thank you for your response.
I am sorry to hear about all the problems that you have been having with your ex husband.
I note that despite how he treats you that you do not think that he is a risk to your children.
It is your children's right to be able to have a relationship with both of their parents as long as their are no child protection concerns.
I agree that your children should not be exposed to your ex denigrating and shouting at you. It will not only effect you emotionally but will also affect the children. Your suggestion that the time that they spend with their father no longer takes place at your house will go some way to alleviating this. You should also think about if there is another adult that could do the hand over for you - to take away the control.
I note that you are only suggesting that the children see their father on one occasion per week - but he doesn't agree and is asking for more time. Whilst it seems sensible that a shared house isn't really a great place for the children to be spending time with their father a court may agree that the children should spend more time with their father than one occasion per week.
Perhaps you could explain that you need time to settle following a move and agree for the time that the children spend with their father to increase over time.
If you and your ex cant reach agreement - then your ex would have to refer the matter to mediation before making an application to the court for a child arrangement order. If he is able to demonstrate that he is able to meet the children's needs and he poses no risk then the court might agree and give him more time.
It is better to try and agree if possible - you should consider referring this matter to mediation. One such service is: www.nfm.org.uk
You could ask the mediation service for separate appointments if you are concerned that your ex would just try and manipulate you.
I note that you have described that your ex has been verbally abusive towards you. You may be able to obtain legal aid if you can obtain domestic violence evidence. Emotional abuse is considered domestic violence. Check out this link in particular the GP Letter. If you GP is satisfied that you are suffering from a condition such as stress as a result of your husbands behaviour then you may be able to get a solicitor to help you - negotiate with your husband and represent you at court if he makes an application:
https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid/domestic-abuse-or-violence
Kind Regards
Caroline
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