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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34105
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My son is five yrs old and his fathers went to court

Customer Question

My son is five yrs old and his fathers went to court for access he now has every second weekend and 1 night for tea . he now has went back to his lawyer for access overnight during school week .since my son has went overnight his excema has broken out and he lashes out at me .I am worried what this is doing to my son as he is a very sensitive boy and worries i keep thinking he will settle but it doesn't seem to. I have explained this to his dad and laywers but nobody seems to listen to how my son feels .
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** I shall do my best to help youWhen did overnight contact start?Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

it started in feb for 1 night every second weekend and next weekend a full day. started in june full weekend

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
So what is the exact pattern of contact?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

every second Tuesday 4-6, then following weekend fri from 6pm until sun 4pm

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
What is he asking for now?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi he is asking for Tuesday overnight every week.i know the law gives fathers their rights but when does the son feelings be considered in all this..

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Was there a CAFCASS report at the last hearing?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

no it hasn't been mentioned by any of the lawyers ,and I didn't know about this and what do I do to go forward with this.I was told maybe to see a phycologist for my son but I don't want him to go through anymore upset with questions and maybe making it more difficult for him .

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Sorry - i meant the last time it was in court
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

no never been a report done. the issues with my son has never been mentioned in court just the access .

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
How far has his latest request reached?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi just received a letter from his lawyer on Friday past .I have not acknowledge this yet.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Given that the new pattern has only been in place since June and your son as only just gone back to school it is too early to consider changing his routine yet again
Write a polite letter to his solicitors pointing out that your son is still very young and that the new routines need to settle before they are changed again - but that you will review the matter after next easter
You will note that you have only said that you will review it - not committed to an outcome.
If your ex is foolish enough to take the matter to court you will find that your clam approach will be seen as being very reasonable
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Clare thanks for that advise I will put that forward to his lawyers but I know he will take it to court. should I take my son issue to the lawyers too .

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
At this stage simply say that your son is still adjusting to the latest changes and needs more time.
Do not go into further details
Clare
Clare and 2 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thanks again .I have signed up for a month hopefully I can contact you if I have any further questions

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
You are most welcome - and you can use the link at the bottom of the box to ask for me directly
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Clare, my sons father is asking for overnights during the week ,if he has this access and every second weekend does this mean he has joint custody and pay less csa monies.im thinking this is the only reason he is doing this .

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
The extra night will indeed reduce his payments and may well be the reason for the request
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

if I cancel csa monies would this make any difference through court access.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
There is no point in doing that - it will just make your ex push for ever more
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

good point never thought that way. does access overnight during the week always be granted or do they consider each case differently

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
In your case it is unlikely given the age of your child and the many changes happening in his life at the moment
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

that's reassuring thanks

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
You are most welcome.
When dealing with your ex stay child focussed and point out that there have been a lot of changes this year and they need time to settle do not give any details - if your ex demands details just say EVERY child of his age needs time to settle with changes!
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi just had a letter from lawyers saying that its going to a proof hearing as ex want to persue one night during the week and now wants 3 weeks at hols etc .I have just explained that my son has not settled but once again he is not listing to this.alos states that I am standing into danger lack of reasonablence.this is very frightening whats does this mean .

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Clare, I have received a letter back from exs lawyer.has counted up the hrs he has his son 48+2 and 18 hrs off this is sleeping and this is hardly satisfactory. he is now wanting 3 weeks at holidays and overnight week day.i once again explained how my son is not settling but this again is ignored. he goes on to say about Scottish legal aid boards present policy and that I am standing into danger in respect of reasonableness .this seems very threatening I don't understand this .

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Write back and point out that the priority is the needs of the child and not the parent and ask how his approach is child centredThey are trying to scare you - stand firm and keep your child's needs to the fore of your mind
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi Clare,its now going to a pre_proof hearing then a proof hearing what advice can you give for this hearing .as they have asked for witnesses is this for how the child has been on overnights ex has a witness his latest ex with his other child can she be actually be a witness.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I suggest that you read this
https://socialsciences.exeter.ac.uk/media/universityofexeter/schoolofhumanitiesandsocialsciences/law/research/familyregulationandsociety/Trinder_CFLQ_Article.pdf
And use some quotes!
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi Clare that's been a help and an insight to shared care by reading these studies my child is one of the ones that is not adjusting .he has the signs of attachment ,kicks bites ,doesn't want to do anything or go out.

do I then put this forward to proof hearing ,does a reference from my doctor help in this situation as I have been to her regarding his skin and its stress related.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
yes do both!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Clare as my mother is a witness in court regarding my sons visitations as he is not coping and the fathers wants more time.

She is worried what questions they will go into as she's a bit nerves

can you gives some info might help her to cope.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Has she given a statement?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes we both have .

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Then she simply has to answer the questions that are asked clearly and not get upset if the other side try and make her seem unreasonable.She needs to be honest and accept that all children show some distress after contact - but explain why she thinks your son is more than averagely upset
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thanks that will help us both .hopefully it wont go to court waiting to see what happens about proof hearing .

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Good luck I hope all goes well
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Clare just had a letter to say I have to attend pre proof hearing I understood that it was just the lawyers that attended .will my ex and I both have to answer questions on my son before it goes to court.Can this be resolved before court .sorry to say I don't have much faith in the law as they never seem to listen to what I have to say about my son and every time my ex takes more to the court he gets it ,its my son that's not settling maybe in time he will but not at the present he still getting upset after 11months .can you give any advice to help me deal with this just don't know how to make them listen. thankful for any advice to help me deal with this

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Remember stay calm and quote the research.
Do not drift into the emotional (hard I know)
Simple say that whilst increasing contact IS important it has to be done at the pace suitable for a child - and use Trnider's research!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks for your support and advice on the matter .ive tried to google Trniders research but not able to find this can you help with this thanks

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Cut and paste the link I gave you!

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