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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34106
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Mother of two children have intermittently lived with their

Resolved Question:

Mother of two children have intermittently lived with their father over the last 10 years .the last attempt lasted 2 and a half years .He is now insisting on 50/50 access although he has not been there for the majority of their lives (weekend dad and working very long hours) Am I legally within my rights to refuse this on the grounds I strongly believe this is emotionally damaging and disruptive for my sons.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old are the children and what is the current pattern of contact?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Care .The children are 10 and 9. Monday ,Tuesday evening straight from school alternating a Thursday evening plus an overnight stay at his on the weekend as we are sharing the weekends.Thanks
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Is there any reason why fill weekends aren't alternating?
Do they stay overnight in the week?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
There isn't a reason over the weekend share.We tried over night stays during the week but with clubs after school I was always packing bags for tykondo,football ,Cubs ,school uniforms and pe kits and with clothes not returning it was a nightmare.But most importantly the children were confused and not coping they started to wet the bed and asking when are we home.I ve only lived with their father for a short time when they were little and again recently .The time we were together in between he lived in London so he only came down weekends and not every weekend .When he moved down he worked very long hours .He has seen more of them after the split then he ever did before.Im glad he wants to spend time with the children,but this is a step to far.Hes also talking to the children trying to win them around to a 50/50 split .All this is doing so much damage to the children.How can I stop this he's not thinking of the boy.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Your ex cannot insist on anything when it comes to how the children share their time between you - and neither do you have a right of veto.As you clearly understand the issue is about what is right for the children - not what the parents think is "fair"You could suggest that you try alternate full weekends - from school on Friday to school on Monday to see how it goes.having to sort out homework and clean uniforms over a weekend MAY help your ex understand that caring for the children is much harder when you are not in factdoing ALL the basics!You should suggest that this is discussed using Family mediationwww.familymediationhelpline.co.ukand a mediator trained to work with young people so that their views can be part of the discussionI hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further detailsClare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Can I just say that putting young children through that especially when they have been feed wo is me by their father seems an incredibly cruel think to do .What happened to the person who knows them the best and who only have their best interest at heart making fair decisions.I was going to go to mediation,but if they want to put my boys through that .Mediation is not an option.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
I am afraid that neither parent - however loving - is seen as a reliable indictor of the deepest wishes of a child Actually family mediators are very well able to build trust with young people so that they feel free to say what they cannot say to the parents that they love.Mediation does not have to involve the children - but in your case it would be the best chance of your achieving the outcome that you wish
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Sorry you don't know the father.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
I appreciate that - but if you used a mediator trained to work with young people you will have independent evidenceof their real wishes
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