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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34282
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My grandchildren don't want to see their father they get scared

Resolved Question:

my grandchildren don't want to see their father they get scared when with him but my daughter has a court order against her because they said the father has rights. What about the childrens rights . what can she do to help them
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** I shall do my best to help youHow old are the children and when was the Order madeWhat contact does their father actually have?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
the court order was made in 1/10/2013 he had every other weekend and alternate Fridays for tea. after a short while they didn't want to sleep at his any more as he lived near a pub and it was noisy and his friends kept knocking on the door drunk and it scared them. The children were 7yrs and 6yrs at the time .their father agreed to just daily contact so agreed amicably to see them just on a Saturday. Now after over a year of trying to do that they have said they don't want to see him anymore
that they hate him and he keeps letting them down. Leon the youngest is partially sighted and austitic and Louise says she does everything for him while at his house. they spend all there time in the pubs watching football and to top it all he has only paid 3 weeks maintenance in 8 years .
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
3 weeks ago he decided that he will take our daughter back to court to get her put in prison so he gets the children.he has employed a solicitor. Louise for 3 weeks hasn't had the recurring stmach ache she had when seeing her father and Leon is so much calmer
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Do you mean that contact has actually stopped altogether?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
yes as of 3 weeks ago because they are refusing to see him and wont even talk to him on the phone
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
he is now trying to get weekend access back but they are petrified of him
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hello
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
I am sorry but at 9 and 8 the children are too young to decide whether or not they will attend contact - any more than they can decidewhether or not they have to go to schoolI do understand all too well how bleak that statement is - but nonetheless it is the approach that the Court will take.It is important that your daughter restarts contact on a Saturday - and the tea time contact - as soon as possible.At the same time she should offer to discuss matters with her ex using Family Mediation and a mediator trained to work with youngpeople so that the children's views can be brought to the discussionsI know that this is not what you wish to hear - but the fact is that he is entitled to apply to enforce the order - which is what he is doing.Imprisonment or a Change of Residence are measures only used at the end of lengthy proceedings where other options have failed.There are other ways that your daughter can bolster the children so that they are able to express their views calmly and clearly.The school may provide counselling - or other local charities may do soBeing able to speak to someone who is not a family member will help the children be listened toI hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further detailsClare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I understand what you are saying but would you make your children go somewhere that makes them feel sick and scream and cry. is there no way she can protect her children from him
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
my daughter wanted to do mediation but he refused
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
I wish I could say no I would not - but I did, I had to.Your daughter needs to change her approach - and it is hard I know that.She needs to attend the Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting - if her ex refuses then she can apply to vary the existing order to one which better suits the needs of the children.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
my daughter hasn't done anything wrong she has been the only consistant one in there life she has gone along with everything he has wanted cuddled them when he hasn't turned up run them to him 33 miles away when he says his car has broken down
made them see him when they have begged her but shes had enough and feels so cruel watching them scream and cry so stopped it. . He doesn't really want to see them he is just doing this to spite her he said" because your a crap mum" I'm going to keep winning until the day I die
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
I do understand - and of course he is still pushing buttons.That is why sadly the only way forward is for your daughter not to rise to his taunts.She might find this programme helpfulhttp://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/There is a way through and she can win - she simply needs to make it clear to the children that they do not have the choice about the matterBUT that she will ensure that they are able to express their feelings to someone independent
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