Hi. My wife and I divorced 6 years ago and I have had shared custody of my daughter ( now 11 ) for most of that time, which has worked with my ex's work routine, with us having custody from Sunday to Wednesday morning, when she is dropped at school and subsequently collected by her Mum at the end of the school day. I have a new 1 year old boy with my new partner, who has been an amazing and deeply involved step mother, going beyond the call of duty to make our family life work, given my own busy work life (albeit working from home ) However, since our daughter started secondary school last month, and her mother has altered her work pattern ( for the moment, not working at all ) she very swiftly demanded that the arrangemtn change, with only Sunday and Monday, and us dropping on Tuesday. She has told us that this is what our daughter wants, and agreed this with her without any mutual consultation- and has told me that talking about it would put our daughter in an awkward position as she would have to explain why she wants less time at our house ( this I can understand ) however, I am sensing that the situation may have been manipulated slightly and possibly words put into her mouth for her. Whilst I understand that an 11 year old has opinions and feelings which ought to be heard and taken into account, I don't feel that she ( the child ) should simply get to ask for a changed arrangement and have it happen with no discussion. After many years of hard work bringing her up and giving her a very solid, happy and consistent home life, this feels like a very rapid change which only results in less quality contact time- which seems to partially stem from superficial things like having a pet cat, more "fun" foods that she likes etc at her Mums, and ' being allowed to stay in bed longer in the morning ' altough in reality we only live a few minutes further away, being in very close proximity to her mother's house ( 4 minutes on a train, 8 minutes by car ) and having always had drirect contact with her school and social life. I feel that as a working precedent has been set, which is well documented, I should be able to put my foot down and say no to this, unless properley negotiated. Whilst I am prepared to be flexible, and always have been, with events being requested at very short notice during my time with her, and occasionally vice versa, I feel that the diminished amount of contact time with her father ( especially as she is now going to an all girls school ) is not good right now. However, short of asking my daughter to come to my house after school on Tuesdays and defy her Mother's wishes, or going to get her, which would not feel good, I can't see a constructive way forward here......I would like my daughter to be left with a sense that her feelinds are being taken into account- but I don't think that aged 11 she should get to call all of the shots here.... I'm wondering about the best person to consult about this- even before mediation- possibly a child psychcologist ( not with my daughter present ) to get some insight into how to approach this?