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ukfamilysolicitor
ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 726
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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My ex partner only wants to have our daughter in the daytime

Customer Question

My ex partner only wants to have our daughter in the daytime because he says it's too much 'backwards and forwards' for her being passed back and forth. I said if he doesn't have her overnight he doesn't have her at all. He's now saying I'm stopping contact. Ive given every opportunity for him to have her, it's only him stopping himself. He's been to mediation and invited me to talk. I don't feel the need to pay to go to mediation if he's asking for the same 'just daytime' contact. Where do I stand? I work and so can't get legal aid whereas he gets absolutely everything for free because he doesn't work.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Welcome to Just Answer
I am a Solicitor and will assist you.
- please may I ask:
- what was the routine for contact?
- has this started again?
- have the police contacted you about the fridge freezer? Was it left in your property or did you take it from him?
- has your ex been physically, emotionally or financially abusive to you in the last 2 years?
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The routine for contact was agreed between the two of us, as I'm working the agreement was that on the 3 days a week that I work a 10 hour shift, he would have his daughter overnight. He broke down this routine because he lives with his mum and it was 'disturbing her routine' (her routine being doing nothing apart from making sure she isn't awake until at least half 10 everyday). For the past 6 weeks he has he contact once. The police themselves have not contacted me, he has however sent a message saying that he is coming to my house on Tuesday with a police escort and a list of items that he is taking and that includes the fridge freezer as 'his mum has a receipt for it'. I did not take the fridge freezer, it was left at my address as it was a Christmas gift last year and I was made to sell my old fridge and freezer. My ex has not been abusive to me in any way but now that he has given less than a weeks notice about getting the fridge freezer I would class this as abusive. Right before Christmas with 2 children and he has no personal use for this item because he is living with his mother.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Good Morning
Thank you for your response.
I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing.
Why is it that he has only had contact once in that last 6 weeks?
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He had said to me that he wanted me to have sole responsibility until he 'found a house' so that his daughter would gain routine and then he would be happy to have her overnight as he had described being in no fit state mentally to look after her. To which he then changed his mind and said he wanted contact just in the daytime.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Thank you for this.
Just to clarify - you would have made your daughter available during this time if he had also been able to have her overnight but since he said no to overnights - you have not made her available?
Is this correct?
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes, due to the fact that first off he was saying that he wouldn't have her overnight because his mum was getting ratty having less sleep and it was putting a strain on his relationship with his mother so he wasn't prepared to have her overnight. He then changed the reason of not having her overnight to the fact that he wasn't mentally stable to look after her overnight. I have not stopped contact with his daughter as ive said from day one, is happily let him have her for the weekend as first of all he was asking to have her for half of the week so it was fair. It was all agreed between the 2 of us and he broke down the agreement. The reason ive not allowed him to see her recently is because he specifically said to me that he wanted our daughter to have routine, which she now has a perfect routine and if he is picking and choosing days and times to have her, it's no routine at all.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Thank you for your response.
I will now provide you with a full answer.
This will take me about 10 minutes.
Kind Regards
Caroline
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
In respect of the questions you have raised:
In relation to your daughter spending time with her father. It is the view of the courts that children are entitled to have a good relationship with both of their parents unless their are child protection reasons why this should not be the case. You have not raised any such concerns and appear to have been promoting contact.
Courts do prefer for parents to agree the time your daughter with both of you rather then the court having to make a court order.
If you cant agree at mediation then it is likely that your ex will make an application to the court for a child arrangement order to confirm the time that he can spend with your daughter. Whilst I note that you would have to pay for mediation - it is worth engaging in mediation to try and avoid court proceedings.
Whilst I note that you have actively been promoting the time that your daughter spends with her father and that the father has been making excuses for not being able to have your daughter overnight - the court would not order for your ex to have your daughter overnight if he says that he is not able to do this at present. The court would not accept this as a reason on your behalf as to why he should not be able to spend time with your daughter during the day - that he is saying he can do. The reality is that no court order can make your ex a better father and for him to spend more time with his daughter then he is saying he is able to do. A court would however likely make an order that he is able to spend time with your daughter during the day if this is what he is saying that he can do.
Whilst I note that you want the father to do more - the court can simply not make him do this - but they would likely order what he could do.
It is better to try and agree if possible and therefore if mediation is possible for you then it is worth a go.
In relation to legal aid - this is now only available if you have suffered physical, emotional or financial abuse from your ex in the past 2 years and also if you qualify in respect of means. You need specific domestic violence evidence to qualify for legal aid. Whilst I note that you have not suffered these in the last 2 years - you have detailed that you are currently stressed in respect of the current situation and your ex's behaviour in relation to the fridge. I suggest that you discuss how you are feeling with your GP - if you GP is satisfied that you are suffering with a condition such as stress as a result of your ex's behaviour and they complete a specific template letter - then you should take this letter to a legal aid solicitor so that they can complete an assessment in respect of your means. See these links for further information:
https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid/domestic-abuse-or-violence
http://civil-eligibility-calculator.justice.gov.uk/
In relation to the Fridge Freezer. I completely agree that your ex is acting rather selfishly by asking for this to be returned. This being said - if his mum does have a receipt for this item then they could try and say that this wasn't a gift and is their property. The best advice I can give you - is to tell the police when they accompany your ex that you dispute that the fridge freezer is theirs. You should say that this item was given as a gift and that it is an essential item for the children. If the police officers are sympathetic - they will take your ex that he cannot take the item as it is in dispute and that if he wants to take the fridge freezer he would have to get a civil court order to do so. This means that he would then have to make a small claim to get the Fridge Freezer. This will cost him to do. Your ex will also have to convince the court that the item was not a gift. I would expect a Judge to be sympathetic to your position of this item being a gift and being required for the children. Therefore be strong with the officers and tell them that you disagree that he has ownership of the item.
Kind Regards
Caroline
Please kindly remember to rate positively. We receive no credit for our work unless positive feedback is received.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Please do I ask if I can assist further.
Please also kindly remember to leave positive feedback so that we receive credit for our work.
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I do have one last question. I am moving house soon and I don't want him knowing my address as I don't feel he has any need to know so. Is there anything I can do to prevent him finding out.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
You don't need to give your ex your address if you don't want too. You can just arrange for contact handovers to take place somewhere else.
Kind Regards
Caroline

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