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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34105
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Good morning Clare,Thank you once again help and

Customer Question

Good morning Clare,Thank you once again for the help and advice thet you have given to me in the last few weeks with regards ***** ***** issues that I have for contact with my children.If I can cast your mind back to Christmas, when I first wrote to you regarding my daughter of 22 months. I took on board the advice that you had given me at that time, I have made efforts this week to commence with mediation and I am awaiting there correspondence. i also wrote to my daughters mother (by email) explaining that I had taken legal advice and outlined where I felt she was being unreasonable and my my requests to her based on the advice that you had given to me.I was going to try an give you a transcript of that letter but unfortunately I cannot fit it into this text box.I did attend to collect my daughter on Sunday 3rd January at 9am, as I would normally do. I was denied contact, in fact she refused to open the door a said 'She was suspending contact until she had taken legal advice herself', I replied 'That she was being unfair and had no right to do so !' to which she replied 'Take it up with your solicitor'This morning I have received an email from her saying that she has taken legal advice and in truth I am dubious as to whether she has, as her reply seems vague and I am at no better position nah I was, She is still insisting that contact can only take place at her house and sys that the advice she has had has told her that she has every right to do this as she has legitimate reasons, although she does not go on to outline what they are !Thanks Mike.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
This is the transcript of the most recent correspondence from my daughters mother, received this morning;Wednesday 6th January 2016
Mike
Following my email to you of 2nd January 1016:
I have now received legal advice and am in a position to reply to your emails of 30th December 2016 and 2nd January 2016.
• I confirm that I am open to try Mediation a second time. In your previous email you say that you have already made an application for Mediation. I therefore await contact from the Mediation service.
• My solicitor has advised me that I am able to decide that contact will happen at my house and that I do indeed have legitimate reasons. You are not to drive Millicent anywhere but you are allowed to take her out (e.g. for a walk). As I have already said (email to you of 27th December 2015) I understand your desire for quiet enjoyment during contact with Millicent and to this end I will make myself scarce upstairs (as much as is possible) and you can see Millicent downstairs. You may help yourself to coffee etc. Contact can continue to be Sundays in the main between 9am and 4pm.
• Due to you wishing to attend your nephews’ christening this Sunday (10th January 2016) I am happy for you to have contact with Millicent on the Saturday (9th January 2016) instead of the usual Sunday.
• Additionally, you are welcome to see Millicent (again at my house) one night during the week for one or two hours. Please discuss this further via email if you are interested in this.
• All communication between us from now on is to be done via email.
Please confirm by return email whether or not Millicent is to expect you on Saturday 9th January 2016.
Thank you for your patience in allowing me the time to seek legal advice prior to writing this email.
Melanie
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi MikeIt is clear that she has not actually sought any real legal advice - not least because she has given no reason for her restriction.i suggest that you write back accepting the contact (never refuse an offer of contact) but ask for clarity of he "legitimate reasons" for her decisionYou may also wish to refer her to the websitehttp://theparentconnection.org.uk/Make the mediation appointment as swiftly as you can - and at the first appointment make it clear that you are not willing to wait weeks to resolve the issue if it is clear that the mother will not change her viewsI hope that all goes wellClare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare,Thank you again for your advice.I accept and take on board your recommendation, however I have reservations as to accepting the contact that she has offered for the reasons below;1) Firstly she hasn't moved her stance and is still insisting that I can now only see my little girl at her house as she did over a week ago, I feel that she has reneged on our previous mutual agreement and I am extremely aggrieved by this and feel that in all reasonableness the established contact arrangements should at least be maintained whilst we attempt to resolve our differences through mediation and get a new plan in place.2) it isn't practically possible for me to enjoy free time to enjoy contact with my daughter at her house as she suggests, her house is tiny and you cannot move in there. Also it is midway through a complete major refurbishment scheme that she has undertaken with no idea of when this would be complete, there are areas without plaster upon the walls, no ceilings and exposed wires. In fact if I was a more unreasonable person I would really be raising concerns with social services etc as to it being an unfit place for my daughter to reside. As such it certainly isn't fit for me to attend for contact with my daughter.3) I would not feel comfortable having contact in this scenario, my contact time is from 9am to 4pm (7hours). she is proposing a scenario where there is just myself, herself and my daughter in the house. I already feel aggrieved at the situation and I do not now trust her, I feel that I would be exposed to her making any allegations against me that would make my situation worse, she has already refused to open the door to me and also in her email states that all communication is now to be by email, how is it now that she can welcome me into her home for 7 hours to spend time with my daughter and I seriously have to question her motives. I also do feel that this is a good environment for my daughter to be as she would no doubt feel the tension, in summary there is no possible way that this could be attainable.If as you state and as I suspect that she has not had any real legal advice, am I now at a point where it would be beneficial to instruct a solicitor to write ? I have very limited means and cannot really afford a solicitor to fight my case, but if there was a benefit from just a letter ???regards, Mike.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
If I can just add;She has now even reneged further as to my contact, her initial stance was that I couldn't take my daughter home as my new home was too far (in her opinion). Now she is dictating that I am not able to drive anywhere with my daughter, which is outrageous really when she doesn't own a car and relies on her father to either drive them about or borrow his car. Why is it ok for her father to drive my daughter anywhere he or she wants and yet I cannot ?I know it is tit for tat but if she wishes to stand by that, do I not have the right to express that no-one else can drive her anywhere, whilst i am told that i can't ?
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Yes she is being unreasonable - and this will rebound on her badly - as if the matter goes to court it is likely that the Court will impose a much swifter move to alternate weekends Friday to Sunday plus half the school holidays (in due course) than might have been agreed between you.
There is little point in wasting money on a letter from a solicitor - it is unlikely to change things.
Instead you could write yourself a calm email pointing out that meeting in her home would not be good for your daughter - for your ex herself, or for you.
Offer your promise NOT to take your child to your home until the issue has been resolved and suggest some activities you might do/places you might take her.
Refer her to the website and say that you hope that you will be able to move beyond this problem through the use of mediation
Stay pleasant and clam.
If it works - great - if not then you can show that you tried to be reasonable in the face of her bizarre behaviour
Clare and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare,Thank you again for the advise, I will do as you have suggested.Thank you also for your offer to discuss this further on the phone, I am afraid at this juncture I simply cannot afford to do that, I am self employed and have not worked now since 17th December so until I can get back into work I cannot really afford to do much at the moment.I will rate you now for the excellent advice and no doubt i feel that I will be speaking to you again at some point regarding this matter. If there is anything that you feel that you could add at any point then I would appreciate that. Thanks again.Kind regards,
Mike
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi Mike
The phone offer is sadly a site thing I am sorry that you were bothered by it
I hope all goes well
Clare

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