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ukfamilysolicitor
ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 759
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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My girl friend(ex-wife) just left the house and txt me

Customer Question

Hi my girl friend(ex-wife) just left the house and txt me saying (read up emotional abuse on kids)recently we were having arguments and I use to shouting to her...so my 8 years old son at Scholl told social services that we I shout he is really scread of me.
I have just find out social services give them a hotel room.she is now saying they gonna move which actually we were agree to get separated 3 weeks ago...but she hasn't done anything but compliant about me and left the suddenly!( she hasn't got money and I think trying this way)
My question is what could happen follow by?
I don't know anything about social services or emotional abuse?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Welcome to Just Answer
I am a Solicitor and will assist you.
Please may I ask:
- have social services contacted you directly?
- are you being allowed contact with your child?
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No they haven't she said it ...
I can't see my kids I don't know where they are...she says she is protecting them from me.also she said my 8 years old son doesn't feel safe at home.he is scared of me..,(which all wrong)
I knew that she was trying to get council place but I never think that she could use my son.
So I don't know what can I do?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Thank you for clarifying that for me.
Few more questions:
How did you speak to the mother - did she call you? how many times have you spoken since she left?
How many children do you have together? how old are they?
Has there been any previous involvement with social services? do you have any criminal history?
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have spoken to her ones.since last night we keep txting .
We have 2 boys,8 and 1,5 years.
No social services but she went police 6 years ago and compliant about me then she was giving a place from council.we were separated 2 years.that time divorce took place.and she has been kick out because she wasn't paying anything.and I did accept her.(she said she will be better person)
No I don't have criminal history.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Thank you for your response.
One more question - what are the nature of the text messages that you are getting from the mother? chatty? friendly? what is she saying in the texts? has she mentioned the children to you?
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No she is not friendly and I'm angry as you can guess.she says it's not about us anymore(which her gambling problem couse all this anger with me)it's all about kids and 8 year old one having night mare 's he is scared of me shouting at her ...
She is now protecting them not being in this situation anymore.
She said gonna get help from counsil and move(actually I was agree with her 3 weeks ago)
I can see that she is using my son to get her needs.
Emotional abuse? Shall I go to his school and see that lady who was speaking to my son ? Maybe I should explain really what she is dealing with...
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi one more answer she said she will never stop me seen my kids.
But it doesn't matter what is she saying anymore...because she knows the system and she is using system to get her needs.
Thank you .
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Thank you for your response.
It appears that your wife is making allegations that you are violent towards her. Although it does not appear that physical abuse is being alleged it is clear that verbal abuse is being alleged.
I note that you do agree that you have argued and it is your position that this is as a result of your girlfriends gambling - which no doubt had a knock on effect in respect of family finances and has caused issues etc.
It is unfortunate that your 8 year old appears to have seen / overheard the arguments between you. If this is true then this could be considered as emotional harm.
In reality there is likely to be only limited involvement with social services at this stage. Given the allegations that are being made the Local Authority will likely undertake a short assessment report which concludes that the mother is able to safeguard your children by having removed them from a potentially harmful situation.
The local authority are unlikely to assist you further in respect of you spending time with your children if consider on the strength of the mothers allegations - that the mother has safeguarded.
I am surprised that the mother is making any contact with you at all, as given the allegations made, if the LA thought that she was prioritising her relationship with you over the children then they could look to implementing a child protection plan or if they were so concerned look to instigate care proceedings.
Ok - now you need to know what to do and my advice is as follows:
1) speak to social services - see if an assessment has been undertaken? ask if they will be taking any further action.
As mentioned above - it is likely that they will not be.
so - in this eventuality - you need to present a case to a Family Court - asking for a Child Arrangement Order so that the Court can make a decision about the time that you spend with your children and whether or not you are a risk to your children as the mother is alleging.
There is little point in speaking to the school now. They will not be able to assist you further at this point. They may however be required to make a statement in the family case.
First step before you can apply to court is to speak to a mediator in your area. I say this because if you apply to court without making a referral to mediation first then the court will likely reject your application as mediation is a prerequisite.
In reality the mediator, having been informed by you that you do not know the location of the mother will decide that mediation is not appropriate and will give you the form that you need to make an application to the court, signed by them.
There are lots of mediation services and there will be one local to you. Just google family mediation in your area and give them a call to get the ball rolling.
The form you need for Court is Form C100. Send to your local family court. There is a court fee of £215 but you may be eligible for a remission dependant on your circumstances - see Form EX160
You need to detail on the form that you do not know the address of your children. The court will locate the mother and the papers will be served on her and she will have to attend at court.
Prior to the first court hearing a children and families officer will speak to both you and the mother. You will explain to this person your position. They will also undertake police and social services checks. They will recommend how your case progresses.
If the mother continues to make her current allegations then the court will likely make determinations after evidence by both of you as to what is true. If the court make such a determination - then these are known as findings.
You need to be honest about the arguments you have had. It would assist you greatly if you consider that things may have got out of hand in respect of arguments that you seek assistance such as counselling to help you handle things better in the future. I am not saying this to be critical of you at all. If you were wound up by the mothers actions and did shout, then accepting this will go a long way for you, even more so if you admit your faults and try and put this right.
In reality your contact will likely be supervised for a period of time and then it will progress upwards if everything goes well.
Please do not hesitate to ask if I can clarify anything for you.
Kind Regards
Caroline
Please kindly remember to rate positively so that we receive credit for our work. Your question will remain open and I can continue to assist you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Caroline social services called me today and invite me to speak about it face to face.Im going to see him in Monday.
He said that she made a statement saying I did punch her arm and she has taken paper work from our gp to proof that(which I didn't)
Yes I was shouting at her and wanted the separate and unfortunately my son has seen&heard all of it...
Now what should I do?
What should I say to this guy from social services?
I'm really asheme of what's going on at the moment.
Thank you
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
You need to be honest with the social worker in respect of what has gone on. Admit your faults and if any support is available accept such support.
If they want to undertake any assessment of you in relation to you spending time with your children then fully engage with the social worker.
You need to find out if your families case will be open to social services and if this will be Children in Need, Child Protection etc
Find out if any support is to be offered to your family.
Its best to embrace any support offered. This will help greatly.
If the case isn't going to be open to social services and no support is going to be offered in relation to you spending time with your children then you will need to make the application to the court.
Please do not hesitate to ask if I can clarify anything for you.
Kind Regards
Caroline
Please kindly remember to rate positively so that we receive credit for our work. Your question will remain open and I can continue to assist you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi again,
She is here at home now with kids.Council gave her temporary place for 2 weeks but she said it's a horrible place that's why she is back for now...she asked me to stay at home for now and I couldn't say no because of the kids!She said that if social services finds out we might both loose the kids.
I'm really stuck I don't want her but at the same time I can't say no to my kids.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Good morning Caroline,
I have taken the photos of my girl friend&kids been here.
If I show them to social services on Monday what happens?
She really put me in bad position and I don't know what else she is planing to do...
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Good Morning
What do the photos show?
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Caroline
I have taking selfie my 8 year old son room.8 years old was in the bed , small one and girls friend behind me .
So actually all of us was in the photo also her face was shocked.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Sorry selfie was me and girl friend behind me and one second later 3 of them in the one picture.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
You could see them.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She left again with kids:-(
What your advise will be for Monday meeting with social services?
Shall show these photos because I'm sick of her games.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Sorry for my delay in responding.
When were the pictures taken? Before she left?
In respect of Monday you just need to be honest with the SW. Explain your gutted but also admit your short comings. If SS are going to offer any support they need to be sure you will work openly and honestly with them.
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Last night she come back with kids.today lunch time gone.photos taken this morning.
Now she phoned me saying I should levave the house for the weekend.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
You do need some clarity from social services as to what is going on here.
You need to be careful here. If the mother is making allegations but then coming back this could mean that SS think the mother is unable to prioritise the children and keep them safe.
Let me know what happens in the meeting.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Caroline,
I have spoken to SS today...he was asking many questions about my girl friend...
I did answer all of it with honestly...
I told him about my 8 years old son that he witness all these arguments and I'm sorry for it.
She even compliant about me sayin I hit her(which I didn't)
Now he said there will be child protection conference on 4th next month.
But he said he will speak to his manager tomorrow and give me more information about seen my kids.
I think he wasn't happy that mum not responsible about money...her gambling problem.
Would there be any way that I could turn this case over and get the kids from her?
I'm happy to be come full time dad!
Thank you.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
I'm glad to hear that the SW is going to help in relation to promoting a relationship between you and your children.
If the professionals at the meeting vote yes to a Child Protection Plan then support will be offered to your family. Take this as a positive thing rather than a negative thing, fully engage with SS and all the support they offer you.
It is the courts prospective that children have a right to a relationship with both of their parents- so they won't stop the mother seeing your children. This works both ways.
You both need to work on your issues and hopefully mum will take the support she will be offered.
You both need to nail your colours to the mast in respect of your relationship on/off - the SW needs to know so that assessments/ support can be tailored accordingly.
You need to make sure that all risks identified are worked on and that you fully engage. You do not want this matter escalating to pre proceedings or even court proceedings brought by the Local Authority as that could end up with your children in foster care or even adoption for those under 5 - which permanently severs the parents link.
Take this opportunity you have now to work with SS to get things right.
Kind regards
Caroline
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ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 759
Experience: Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
ukfamilysolicitor and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Caroline ,I left the house to my ex and kids last week.
Last night and early hours this morning I had an argument with my ex and I told her I will never forgive to her because of her compliant to SS.
And told her that we will never be together again.So she knows now i won't be with her anymore even for the kids.
She going all about how bad I was to her for years and all that.
So basically she is not playing anymore she believe everthing she says.she become more dangerous.
After we stopped finished txting each other around 9 o'clock this morning.Around 10 o'clock SS guy phoned me and told me his report is ready for the Thursday and he wants to read it to me on the phone.Then he said why don't you come to my office and we could speak about it face to face.
I find it weird and said I'm busy so he is giving me an appointment for tomorrow 11 o'clock.
My question will be Do you think she make the case worst and I might get arrested tomorrow at the meeting?
He didn't sound right to me.
Please tell me what do you think?Thank you.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
I note that you have left the house to give your children and mother a home - this is very thoughtful of you putting your children first.
It is quite common that a SW will read through their report with you in advance of a meeting so you don't need to worry about that.
You should explain to the SW that you feel in a dangerous position with your ex given all the allegations she's making. Ask if they could help safeguard you by having the handover take place with someone else.
The police may decide to investigate the mothers concerns but they would contact you directly- this would not be done by luring you in via a social worker. So you can relax about that.
Try to keep positive with the SW - the easier they consider they can work with you - the better outcome for you.
Let me know how you get on.
Kindest regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Caroline,The result was chill protection plan and they did ask me to get help with my anger.Also not to go to rented family home.So i was staying in the hotel for a while and decided to come to Turkey for the weekend on 12th of feb.but i can not come back now because i have got health problem.my ex told me first contact was on 17th of feb but i could not go and i most likely i will be staying in Turkey for a long time...(i did not inform SS)
can you please tell me what would happen if i don't see my boys for a long time(she is not willing to bring them to me)
is this case gonna be open for a long time?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello It depends how long you stay in Turkey. If this is going to be a long time then they might end the CPP with you being an unknown risk. It is worth still keeping in touch with the SW telling them that you are abroad. Still get help with anger - so that you can prove that you have addressed this issue when you get back. Kind Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Sorry Caroline what is CPP?Would they not allow me to my boys even i go to court?I am willing to get help with anger but would i accept it doctor letter from Turkey ?and change the plan when i come back to see my boys free?i might stay here more than 6 month.Thank You.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Sorry would SS accept doctor letter from Turkey.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello Sorry for my delay in responding. CPP is the child protection plan. If your going to be in Turkey for a good while - then it is definitely worth enquiring whether there are any anger management classes - but it may not be something that you can address whilst you are out there. If you were back and you were able to engage with the SW then there would be services here and they would work with you under the CPP in respect of contact - but this isnt possible if you are not here. Social services might tell the mother not to promote contact until they have assessed you - which they cannot do if you are not here. So if you are away for a while then the mother might have no choice but to not allow contact when you get back - so to avoid the local authority considering that she has not exposed the children to risk if they have to been able to assess you. You can apply to court for a child arrangement order - but the issues raised by social services will come up - so its best addressing them before starting that action. Kindest Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
If I stay around 1 year and come back to UK see my boys would there be still issues do you recon?
I mean when do you think I would be free to see them?
if the case goes to Unknown risk by SS then don't you think I could get court order see my boys?I'm really stuck because my ex is saying I would never be able to find them again if I don't come back and see the SS people :-(All I'm after is see my boys in the future. Even knowing that I would be able see them at some point,will help me to keep
my hope.Also do you think I could go to court against my ex in Turkey?Because she is saying I can't see them anymore:-(
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello I am not an expert in Turkish law - so cannot really comment in relation to the laws there - but I do think that because the children are living in the UK then the correct jurisdiction is here. If you did stay away for a year and then when you came back - you did not know where your ex and children were - then you could still apply to the family court and the family court will trace them and invite your ex to a hearing. if you have sough help with anger management - then this will help you to argue that you have dealt with the issue that SS identified. Just be mindful if you are going to be away for a year - this is a long time for your children and they will get settled into a routine without you. If this is your plan - perhaps speak to the SW about indirect contact for now - letters, telephone calls, postcards etc - to keep the link between you and your children open. Please may I ask - are you of Turkish origin? Kind Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Caroline
I will try to speak with SS tomorrow and explain the situation .See what what they gonna say.I hope they will allow me to contact with kids by phone.I do hold British and Turkish passport.Born in Turkey.Thanks a lot.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello Let me know how you get on. Telephone contact is considered safe contact - so hopefully this wont be an issue. Kind Regards Caroline

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