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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33318
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Do I have to go to court to get custody of my children as

Customer Question

Do I have to go to court to get custody of my children as Iam struggling to get my x partner to understand what is in the best interest of the children .
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 10 months ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** I shall do my best to help youIf Family Mediation has failed then you can apply to the Court for a Child Arrangement order setting out how the children will spend their time between you - and for a Specific Issue Order or Prohibited Steps Order if there are specific problems that need to be addressedPlease ask if you need further detailsClare
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Ok .Thanks for that and another thing what level of responsability does he have to house the children ?
Expert:  Clare replied 10 months ago.
Hi
That rather depends on your current housing position - and his financial situation
Clare
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I'm living in his home for the past 8 years at our first split he within a week put it in his fathers name and demanded housing benefit pay for the rental of the property,it was never put back in his name,Over the last two years he's lived with us.I have done a nursing degree over the last 4 years and have only qualified last year I have not been able to work due to a late miscarriage and nervous breakdown due to what has happened.I am now returning to work this week after a 7 month absence.I have no monies of my own.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I'd rather not speak to you just you ,an answer would be appreciated .I know it's difficult to be precise .But what I've said is just about it .Thanks
Expert:  Clare replied 10 months ago.
Oh he is a charmer isn't heWhat assets does he actually have in his name (if any) and what is your current accommodation?
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
He has a house and flat in London and he has two garages one in London and one in South Wales .He at the moment living in a rented flat around the corner from me and I'm still in the family home which is still in his fathers name by the he is also his accountant .The children tell me his viewing large expensive properties in the area.
Expert:  Clare replied 10 months ago.
Hi
Rough guess on the net value of his assets - very rough is fine
Clare
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
House in London £470.000 ,flat Don't know but it's in his fathers name as is this house which I said was transferred after split,It is worth £260.000 and has a £140.000 mortgage on it .The two garages ,don't know but I would have thought his father would make sure that on the books they won't be worth what they really are !the premises aren't his they are rented.He has specialised cars worth £. 50.000 He has just had an offer on £300.000 house excepted .He will only pay me min maintenance as he says he only earns min wage.When living with me he had thousands of pounds rolls stuffed in a shoe box.
Expert:  Clare replied 10 months ago.
HI
You can potentially use Schedule 1 of the Children Act to ensure that he provides a home for the children until the youngest is 18 - at which point you would have to leave the property and would have no financial claim on it
Clare
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Ok. Thanks for that. He says to stay in the house I have to pay the mortgage off I'm not going to be able to do that.About maintenance ,he has orchestrated and bullied me into 50/50 split , (I wasn't strong enough to stand up to him) even though he's never been around for the children before this only living with us for a max of 2 years and always living in London .The children do seem to be ok,but they have do get a little confused on whose house they're going to .Any fool can see there's nothing min about his wage.He thinks he doesn't have to pay maintenance as he has the children 50/50 .Is he right?
Expert:  Clare replied 10 months ago.
Hi
How old are the children and how do they share their time between you?
Clare
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
The children are 11 and 9 .He has them Monday ,Tuesday to stay over night and Wednesday evening and every other weekend ,although he insist on taking the boys to football practise onFriday night and on the weekends even if it's my weekend .Iam constantly battling . He has no respect for me and the years I've struggled to bring them up on my own.I have never had a maintenance agreement .He enjoys me having too ask for support.
Expert:  Clare replied 10 months ago.
HI
Are the boys happy with this?
Clare
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
There has been problems with my youngest He became very withdrawn ,not speaking and when home wanting to sleep with me and not wanting to go to school but stay with me .I had to tell my x partner he wasn't coping but he refused to recognise it.He seems to emotionally detached from the children,his only concern is how much he sees them,wheather it's in there best interest or not. He seems a much better lately.He seems better lately but in saying that the reason they go over to his happily is that he allows them and participate with them playing on the x box.That seems to be there only activity.He doesn't do homework,Cook always going out for food .He doesn't allow them to socialise on this time,because it's his time .Its all very unnatural.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Sorry about the errors in last text being distracted by a two year old,just read after I sent it .I hope you get the gist of it.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I'll try again because I must admit it wasn't the best.My youngest son was experiencing difficulties as I said but of late seems a lot better .In saying that they go over to his and do nothing but play on the Xbox which they love My x partner has stopped all there activities (Cubs and Taekondo) and they loved going because they fall on his days and They aren't allowed to socialise on his time as he says it's my time.There only saving grace is that he loves football. I have spent allot of time encouraging them to socialise as there is only 16 months between them as they did tend to only play with each other.I feel he's not doing what's best for the boys.He certainly doesn't listen to my concerns.I do worry about his parenting skills
Expert:  Clare replied 10 months ago.
Hi
Do the children wish to resume their activities?
Clare
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
We can talk about the way things are till the cows come home .I ve tried and tried to tell him he's too controlling and the children need normality,bearing in mind he hasn't been around for the first 8years of their life he's now being obsessive .Activities aren't an option when he's around.The children don't want to disappoint him.Its not healthy,
Back too my original question can he not give me maintenance because he has them 50/percent of the time .
Expert:  Clare replied 10 months ago.
Hi
There is a risk - have the CSA already been involved and does he currently pay anything?
Clare
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
No.
Expert:  Clare replied 10 months ago.
HI
Then yes the reason he wants them exactly 50% of the time is that then he does not have to pay child maintenance
This is clearly not about the needs of the children - so it may well be time to consider a court applictaion to make the needs of the children the focus of the arrangements
Clare
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Thanks .
Expert:  Clare replied 10 months ago.
Hi
You are most welcome - I hope all goes well
Clare

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