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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33312
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I had a child in a same sex relationship. The verbal understanding

Customer Question

I had a child in a same sex relationship. The verbal understanding was that the doner father would be a known father. My partner and I have separated and she has moved in with the doner father and wants our child to stay there during access visits. (Our child is 11 yrs) The doner father is on the birth certificate but maintains that he does not want a parental role and that will not change.
Am I able to do anything about this as she refuses to discuss her decision with me.
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 9 months ago.
HIThank you for your questionMy name is***** shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first.Are you named on the birth certificate?What is your objection to the child staying at the home of the biological father?
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Yes i am named. I am the birth mother.
My objection is that my child has always grown up knowing her father and seeing him ( and his mother) at family occasions. This has worked out well.
Now my ex plans to have her stay there 1 night per week and alternative weekends.
The biological father has no intention of changing his life and sees it just as him offering a room to a mate.
My concern is twofold. Firstly my child's emotional wellbeing. The father has said that in the event that my child wished to see him more often if she gets use to having more regular contact he would not agree to that (entirely in keeping with original agreement)Secondly however, I am also worried that in the future that her having stayed with him will give him rights that he may choose to use against me I suppose (the relationship with my ex is acrimonious) and up until this point I have maintained the ralationship with the biological father but that may change.I suppose in the absence of any original contract (everything was done on trust) I am concerned that I should get something in place now in case of any future surprises.
Expert:  Clare replied 9 months ago.
For clarity.The child will be staying at that house BUT for contact with your exIs the Child happy with that?
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Yes the child will be staying at house BUT it is for contact with my ex partner not for contact with biological father,
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Child happy to try it but feels its a bit unusual because although she has know father all her life she does not visit him in his home. Sh is a little unsure but happy to give it a go to see what it is like.
Expert:  Clare replied 9 months ago.
Your ex has a clear parental relationship with your daughter and accordingly your daughter is entitled to have an ongoing relationship with her.Your ex is asking that contact takes place at the property where she now lives which is not unusual and it seems that you are in agreement both with the fact that there should be contact including overnight contact.The contact in his home will not give the biological father any more rights than he already has - and indeed as your daughter gets older then his ability to try and exercise those rights he could have becomes more and more restricted.Clearly you can refuse this request if you wish.However if your ex than asks the court for permission to apply for contact then that permission will be given - and it is likely that contact will take place in her current home.One option is to allow it to go ahead and then arrange for Family mediation using a mediator trained to work with young people to explore whether this actually works for the child.I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further detailsClare

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