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Harris
Harris, Family Law Expert
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 2851
Experience:  Family Law - Specialist in Divorce, Financial Relief and Children Matters
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I have been divorced number of years and there has been

Resolved Question:

I have been divorced for a number of years and there has been an informal arrangement in place regarding custody of our son. My ex husband has recently remarried and I am feeling increasingly taken advantage of. I try to voice my concerns to him, but each time I do he makes out like I am being unreasonable and it turns into an argument.
Until now, our son has never seen any friction between myself and his father and my main concern is that I am making every effort to keep things amicable, and to respect my ex's role as the child's father but I am not paid the same courtesy in return.
His new wife makes arrangements during time when my son is supposed to be with me, and then I get a call saying they need to take him earlier than usual and I feel that this puts me in a difficult position because by that time it's too late to say no without seeming like the bad guy.
My ex and I agree on how we are going to approach things like his homework and things like that, but she does the opposite of what we as his parents have agreed. I spoke to him about it and he said he would make sure that our agreements are kept to, but either he did speak to her and she ignored him and carried on anyway, or he said he would speak to her and didn't.
I am worried that I might be seeming like I'm jealous but I can assure you I'm not, I was glad to be rid of him! I am just annoyed that things that have always been the same for more than ten years are being changed suddenly, and without consultation with me, so I wanted to see if there is a way that I can legalise our arrangements to make sure that I am given the respect that I deserve as his mother. My ex husband is completely spineless so will just do whatever his wife tells him, which is fine if it's just him, but if she is not doing what he and I have decided is right for our son then we have a problem.
I understand that she needs to be in his life, I have had another partner for about ten years, he has never been called step dad, if he has an opinion about discipline or my son's upbringing then we discuss it together and with my ex. If we want to make plans which will be on days where he is usually with his dad we check first, so I don't think I'm unreasonable to be upset when she does his homework for him or tidies his room for him when his father and I have agreed otherwise, or makes plans for a Saturday when she knows he has commitments on a Saturday, without checking with me first.
I just want things to be fair like they have always been, so our son doesn't have to see his parents fight, because I have worked so hard for that for so long and I don't want all my effort to be wasted.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Harris replied 1 year ago.
Hi, thanks for your question. Please confirm how old your son is?
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He is thirteen today. We split up when he was about eighteen months
Expert:  Harris replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for the confirmation. His new partner should not be taking charge with dealing with arrangements for the time your son spends with his father - this should be for the father to deal with as it is his relationship with your son.In the circumstances I would suggest you make a referral to an independent mediator to assist you in reaching an agreement that is in your son's best interests. If an agreement is reached this can be submitted to your local family court as a consent order for approval by the court. Before that time any agreement between you is not legally enforceable. You can find local mediators here: http://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/Please let me know if you have any further questions about this.