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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33281
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Good morning, I have an issue with my ex wife that is becoming

Customer Question

Good morning, I have an issue with my ex wife that is becoming quite problematic and I would be grateful of some advice.
We currently have ashamed care arrangement whereby we look after the children 50/50. Exactly. I work shifts I normally work 4on 4 off. I look after the children on my days off and when I got t work the children go to my ex wife. This arrangement has been in place for a number of years. As I started work at 0600hrs I used to drop the kids off at my ex wife the night before I went back to work at approx 1900hrs. Since last October due to a change in my personal circumstances I have been able to look after the children on the last night and take them to school the following day. My ex wife would then collect them from school that day.
This change was at the request of my ex wife and with my blessing as it was always a rush to get the kids fed and back to hers by 1900 on the last night. She instigated the change and I agreed. This arrangement has been in place since last October.
Rightly or wrongly I have been paying her child maintenance every month religiously for the last 10 hrs and have never missed a payment. It occurred to me recently that this wasn't particularly fair anymore as I was looking after the children at least half the time and paying at least half of all their costs such as clubs , clothes etc. Subsequently I asked the Child Maintenance Service to review my case to see if the amount I needed to pay should be reduced. The CMS approached my ex wife to participate in the enquiry at which she point blank refused to participate. Subsequently the review has continued without her participation. On the advice of the CMS I suspended (not stopped) her maintenance payments pending the outcome of the enquiry. I am happy to pay the full amount at the earliest opportunity after completion of the enquiry if that is what the CMS enquiry deems fit.
Not unsurprisingly my ex wife has not been happy about this. She has now unilaterally decided that the kids should come back to her on the last night despite her requesting the change. The ONLY reason she is doing this is to gain additional nights care so in the eyes of the CMS she has the children more often and can request additional payments from me to cover the extra night. I have taken exception to her demands and refused to accept her demands for change as the new arrangement is far less stressful everyone and the irony is she actually requested as I have stated above.
She is now making all sorts of threats to come round on the last night with the Police to demand she takes our children back so she can meet the extra night criteria. Naturally this is causing a lot of distress to me and I do not want her coming to my door causing a scene infront of the children. She can be quite aggressive and certainly abusive and foul mouthed and wish or avoid confrontation. I am completely fed up with her trying to dictate to me how everything should be and her trying to emotionally black mail by putting the kids in the firing line, something she knows I try to avoid at all costs which is exactly why she does it.
Please can you help and advise what the appropriate course of action would be and what my adoptions are to maintain the current arrangements.
Pleas help
Kind regard
Andrew
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 8 months ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further informtaion firstHow old are the children and are there any Court Orders in pace?
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
16 &. 11 and no court order in place. Thanks
Expert:  Clare replied 8 months ago.
What do the children want?
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
They are quite happy with the existing arrangements but naturally don't want to upset either parent! My ex wife deliberately puts them in the firing line and lays it on them pretty thick emotionally especially the older one to do what she wants, so they feel a bit torn. I think they are perfectly happy but just don't want the conflict. My ex wife has been bullying me in this way over various things for years but I am at my wits end now and it is time to take a final stand as I know once this issue has been resolved there is nothing else she will be able to do upset me and my side of the family any more. I cannot and will to take if anymore.
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Are you still there?
Expert:  Clare replied 8 months ago.
My apologies for the delayThe Police will not get involved at all so please do not worry about that.At 16 your eldest is able to decide where he or she wants to be and when and there the court will not interfere either way.With your youngest you can make an applictaion to the Court for a Child Arrangement Order setting out what time the child spends with each of you.The starting point is to try and discuss matters with your ex using Family mediationwww.familymediationcouncil.org.ukIf (when) that fails you will then be able to make the court applictaion on a form C100.With regard to maintenance the worst case scenario will be that you have to pay 4/7th of 16% of your gross income if you do lose that last night!I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further detailsClare
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Thank you. My most pressing concern is how do I stop her coming round to my house on Friday and demanding to take the children away! She is not supposed to have then until Sunday! What can I donor tell her to avoid a confrontation on my door step?. Thanks
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Sorry meant to read do or tell her to avoid a confrontation
Expert:  Clare replied 8 months ago.
Unfortunately the only option is to warn her that if she does then YOU will call the police
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
I've tried that already! She doesn't care. She will want to get things her way regardless of what she has to do! Are we basically saying there is nothing in law to stop the confrontation. I have it writing from her agreeing to the new arrangement. Surely this must hold some weight? Is the only way to stop to call the Police in advance and suggest that she might be about to cause a breach of the peace or something similar?
Expert:  Clare replied 8 months ago.
If she comes keep the door locked and call the police - that is the only option.The letter is irrelevant - you are entitled to have the children with you in any eventYou can call the police in advance if you wish but they can do nothing unless she turns up

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