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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33324
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My partner and I are separating, we have a 3 year old daughter

Customer Question

My partner and I are separating, we have a 3 year old daughter and were never married he is on the birth certificate.
The relationship has been abusive which us why we have separated.
He is moving out of the rented home at the end of the month.
He wants to continue to collect our daughter from nursery at 4pm and I can then collect her from his house at 17.30 when I finish work, and we will organise weekend access as and when as he works some weekends.
He has agreed to pay £50 per week.
I am a little worried about giving so much access, but know it will be good for our daughter.
Will this leave me a vulnerable position if he ever tries to go for full custody? (which he has threatened many times).
He is from Northern Ireland and he wants to take her there, he has done in the past for a few days, (4 days and 3 nights) which I think is long enough.
He has said he want to take her there for a week, which I am not comfortable with as it is too long but am not sure if I have the right to says this?
He also wants to take her there over key events (Christmas etc) I am happy for her to go a some point, but as her home is with me I feel that she should be home for majority, as I work full-time I also want to see her.
I have witness to the abuse and am tempted to try and get a court order in place to outline the rules, he has stressed he doesn't want solicitors invoiced, and it is making me feel suspicious of his agenda, namely that I am being bullied into things I don't need to be doing.
So far he has been a good Dad, and his family treat our daughter well, I also want to encourage their relationship.
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 8 months ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further information firstWill you be able to cope with still seeing him every day?
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
I can cope with it in the interest of my daughter but would rather not
Expert:  Clare replied 8 months ago.
That makes you a very very good mum - BUT may leave you open to ongoing manipulation from your ex - so do please try and minimise the handover times!You both have Parental Responsibility for your child and equal rights to have the child in your care and to be involved in all major issues in her life.Clearly you have been the primary carer to date and that will continue - but equally clearly your ex has also had a major part in her care.There is no longer any legal concept of Custody - or indeed even of Residence and Contact - it is about Child Arrangements and how time is shared between you - so the agreement that you have made will not count against you.You do also have to agree things such as holidays and other significant dates - and it is wse to have a "Parenting Plan"https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/media/190788/parenting_plan_final_web.pdfThis can be agreed using Family Meditationww.familymediationcouncil.org.ukand can then be turned into a Consent Order and sealed by the Court if that is what you wish.I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further detailsClare

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