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ukfamilysolicitor
ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 865
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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I have split up from my ex wife who unfortunately suffers from

Customer Question

I have split up from my ex wife who unfortunately suffers from bipolar disorder. We have gone through mediation and agreed a child care program however due to recent events and fluctuations in her mood she is now trying to change everything, again.
The children are constantly getting upset and at times don't want to go back home to her.
Due to the complications when we split I left the family home and went to live with my parents.
She constantly shouts abuse at me and my parents, despite the children being present or in earshot, and it's having a terible impact on them.
i have managed to get a few recordings of the abuse but how substantial will they be in court?
I'm worried I could loose the contact I do have with them if I loose in court but the children don't want to be with her so I see no option than to go to court.
Any advice would be hugely appreciated
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello Welcome to Just Answer I am a Solicitor and will assist you. Please may I ask: - - how old are your children?- when did you attend at mediation? Kind Regards Caroline
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
ps - could you also detail for me what the current plan is? and how the mother is seeking to change this?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My daughter is 9 and my son is 12, mediation was last October
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
have school noticed any effect on the children?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have them from Monday to Sunday evening one week, then they come back on Tuesday - Thursday, then back again Monday. It's a 2 week rota. There is no planned changes, it seems to be when she feels like it.
The school haven't really noticed anything but they are aware of the situation and a counsellor is present should they feel the need for them
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello So you have pretty much a shared care agreement. Why are you worried that the court would reduce the time that you get to see your children? also are you seeking more time with your children as you are concerned about the mothers mental health? do you know how the mother treats the children when they are with her? any child protection concerns? kind regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes, however I never know when she will demand them back or change the plans.
I want the children and myself to be able to know when they will see me and for how long. I want an agreed care plan without the risk of her changing it.
No I don't think she would hurt them however they do become quite scared of her at times
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It's ok don't worry, I'll get an appointment with a solicitor again so i can go through it all in more detail but thank you anyway
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello Thank you for your response. Applying to the court for a Child Arrangement Order will result in you obtaining an order as to when the children should spend time with you and if the mother cant stick to the current arrangements that you have in place then this is something that you should do. You should also raise your concerns in respect of the mothers mental health - if you think that she is shouting at the children, and from what you have witnessed - in respect of the mother being verbal to yourself and your family - which the children have overheard. This could be considered as emotional harm and the court will likely want to investigate your concerns about the mother so that they can decide what time your children should spend with their mother in line with their best interests. ...
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you, ***** ***** I close this case on here ? To rate you?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
.... The court may well order that the mother obtain a medical professional letter as to her diagnosis and prognosis. They may also order a Children and Families Officer to undertake a Section 7 report to address any welfare concerns about the mothers mental health. Such a report could also include speaking to and obtaining your childrens wishes and feelings and these will be given appropriate weight in line with their age and understanding. ..
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
..... just a bit more advice to tell you then it will let you rate ...
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
..... I wouldnt worry that the court are going to reduce the time that you spend with your children. It is the position of the courts that children have a right to a relationship with both of their parents unless there are child protection reasons why this shouldnt happen. The emphasis is very much on equal parenting and shared responsibilities - as long as the children's needs can be met. There is no reason why your time with your children should be reduced if they are enjoying their time with you and their needs are being met. ....
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
You will have to ask the mediator to sign the C100 form for you again. The court will only accept one signed in the last 4 months. This shouldnt be a problem if you call the mediator as they will have your notes and will highly unlikely ask you to try mediation again if things have broken down.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Lovely thank you :)
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
let me know if I can assist you further or if you have any questions. Kind Regards ***** ***** you found this service useful please kindly remember to star rate our service - thank you
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
hello it appears you have negatively rated - can I assist you further?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No sorry, I just feel I need to take this advise and see someone to assist me further
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
I appreciate that - its nice to speak to someone in person. If your content with the service - please do kindly remember to rate positively otherwise we receive no credit for helping you and the site just keeps your payment
ukfamilysolicitor and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I'm sorry I need every penny I can to pay for court
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Remember when you apply to court - you may be able to get a fee remission on the court fee - I will send you the link
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for the positive rating - in case you didnt know - as you have left positive rating - I can continue to answer your follow up questions for free so if you need any help with the court application etc - just ask and I will happily help you
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
this is the form for applying for a fee remission in respect of the court fee https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/apply-for-help-with-court-and-tribunal-fees If I can help you further - just ask :)
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hello, in regards ***** ***** conversation last night, I have a few more queries for you, if you can help me at?
I've done some reading but have worried myself now!
As I told you last night, due to the situation when we separated I left the family home. I am also a student and live with my parents whereas she is still in the house and is working. Usually she only works a few days a week but she has now told me she has a temporary full time job. I do work along side uni but will this go against me ?
Many thanks
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello If you are asking that just because you split up and left - if this will have any effect on you spending time with your children - then then answer is no. There is nothing wrong with going to university to better yourself. How many bedrooms are there at your parents property? Is there a room for your children? Kind Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My son has his own room however my brother has temporarily moved back from Germany and also lives at my parents so for the time being my daughter is in my room, however has her own bed.
Oh good cud I've been considering giving it up, which is still a possibility as I need to be working to get myself and the children a house so they have more room.
Is it better to have a house before going to court?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello If the childrens needs can be met at your parents for the time being - then you really dont need to worry about getting a house just yet. Sounds like there is plenty of room at your parents anyway. The court wouldnt start looking at who left who when deciding who the children should spend time with. Even if one parent had an affair - this still wouldnt make a difference - as its only the issue of welfare, child protection concerns and the childrens needs that the court are concerned with. Kind Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Will it make a difference if she has been violent towards me? She is a good mother however when her mental health deteriorates I worry for the impact it has on the children. I'm aiming for 50/50 but if I can get more I would gladly accept this. I do not want to stop her seeing the children, as she has tried to do to me, as from my point of view it is in the best interest of them.
In regards ***** ***** house is this something you can advise me on or do I need to start over in a different area?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello If the mother has been violent towards you then it is something to need at the earliest opportunity - make sure it is your application to the court. This is something the court will likely to decide to investigate - along with the concerns that you have about the mothers mental health. The court will undertake thier investigations and decide what is safe. The court cant investigate what they dont know so you need to tell them. In respect of your house - was it owned? are you already divorced? whose name it is in? ps Im just nipping out but will be back and will answer for you in about an hour. Kindest Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes it is owned in respect of the mortgage. However i am not paying for the mortgage at the moment and haven't since september. I was paying money into our joint account and she decides to move it into her own name, which i moved it back to the joint account and she has yet again moved it back to her account. No we aren't divorced yet. and it is in a joint name between us.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello Thank you for your response. The bank shouldnt really be removing your name from the joint account without your permission. You need to speak to the bank directly about this as this is out of my remit. In respect of the matrimonial finances - A few more questions for you: - what is the house value?- how much is the outstanding mortgage?- how many bedrooms in the property?- are there any other matrimonial assets including pensions?- is divorce contemplated?- what is the earning capacity of both of you? Kind Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
£175,000 value. £105,000left on mortgage. 3 bedrooms I have 8 years of pension but under of the value. Yes it definitely is :) she is about £11000 per year maybe more on her new job and mine is student finance and part time work so probably similar.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello sorry for my delay in responding to you. whats the average price of a 3 bed property in your area? do you think your ex might be agreeable to selling or has she said she wouldnt be? would she have the means to be able to borrow to buy you out? Kind Regards ***** ***** - Im off to bed but will answer for you tomorrow - I hope this ok :-)
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi i was just wondering, upon court do we need a child agreement plan or can this be done in court?
The issue is there that although it would be 50/50 i feel there would need to be some flexibility to it to suit both me and my ex wife. The reason for this is her current working arrangement are only temporary and are likely to change at some point and due to me attending university where i attend mondays and thursdays this year it is likely to change next year and again the year after?
how do i/we go about this?
many thanks
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
HelloThe order is a starting point and flexibility and communication are key and are often built into any orders.If there is an agreement then you don't need a court order. You do need a court order if a plan can't be agreed or there are child protection concerns that need investigating.Kind RegardsCaroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
so how would you advise i go about this?
the days are agreed until she decides that she wants to change them? this could be changed by a phone call to say they are not coming or to say she's coming to get them with hardly any notice and seems to change to suit her?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
like I'm allowed them tomorrow due to her having to work! ill take it as i get to see my children but this is not in the agreement and i know when her job changes and her working hours decrease so will the time i get to see my children
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
If she's regularly changing things for no good reason - then you do need the security of a court order.Kind regards
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you, ***** ***** to clarify what appropriate steps do i need to take?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
1) ask mediator to sign Form C1002) complete the rest of the form including details about needing the security of an order as mother is regularly changing the arrangements - also detail the concerns you have about mothers mental health and DV (on form C1)3) court will list for a hearing and Cafcass will speak to you in advance of that hearing
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you for all your help :)
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Any time ;)
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi, having looked back through our conversations, i have noticed that we were unable to clarify matters regarding the family home. Whilst it has never been in any way shape or form a priority in relation of financial matters, in order to put an end to some of the difficulties i have been experiencing over the last few months, and to provide some certainty to the kids and me, an agreement needs to be made. If as is the case that she is not prepared to sell or in a financial position to buy me out as i understand it the only potential outcome would be an order or legal agreement to say that the house will not be sold unless a certain trigger of events occurs. i.e. remarriage from her point of view or my daughter, the youngest child, leaves full time education or is 18. The difficulties this presents which i do not see a way to be able to manage looking forward, is that i remain financially tied and named on the mortgage thus unable to obtain another mortgage in the future and my credit history could be affected by her if she defaults. can you provide details or clarify and advise accordingly.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
09/04/2016 01:31
hi, having looked back through our conversations, i have noticed that we were unable to clarify matters regarding the family home. Whilst it has never been in any way shape or form a priority in relation of financial matters, in order to put an end to some of the difficulties i have been experiencing over the last few months, and to provide some certainty to the kids and me, an agreement needs to be made. If as is the case that she is not prepared to sell or in a financial position to buy me out as i understand it the only potential outcome would be an order or legal agreement to say that the house will not be sold unless a certain trigger of events occurs. i.e. remarriage from her point of view or my daughter, the youngest child, leaves full time education or is 18. The difficulties this presents which i do not see a way to be able to manage looking forward, is that i remain financially tied and named on the mortgage thus unable to obtain another mortgage in the future and my credit history could be affected by her if she defaults. can you provide details or clarify and advise accordingly.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi, having looked back through our conversations, i have noticed that we were unable to clarify matters regarding the family home. Whilst it has never been in any way shape or form a priority in relation of financial matters, in order to put an end to some of the difficulties i have been experiencing over the last few months, and to provide some certainty to the kids and me, an agreement needs to be made. If as is the case that she is not prepared to sell or in a financial position to buy me out as i understand it the only potential outcome would be an order or legal agreement to say that the house will not be sold unless a certain trigger of events occurs. i.e. remarriage from her point of view or my daughter, the youngest child, leaves full time education or is 18. The difficulties this presents which i do not see a way to be able to manage looking forward, is that i remain financially tied and named on the mortgage thus unable to obtain another mortgage in the future and my credit history could be affected by her if she defaults. can you provide details or clarify and advise accordingly.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
HelloPlease accept my apologies for my delay in responding to you.I am sorry but as I am not accessing the site through the computer right now - but my phone - I can't see your previous messages only your last post.From my recollection I recall the figure you gave me for the equity probably wasn't enough to rehouse sufficiently after division - so it is likely that a court would want to ensure security for the children and make an order based on a certain event such as the ones you have mentioned.The question you raise in respect of mortgages etc is a very common issue but unfortunately there is no easy solution. The issue that you have is that the mortgage company isn't bound by any agreement you reach or any court order that is made.It would be great if once your share has been determined that your mortgage company would remove you.You could either remain on the land register or have a charge to protect your share - but if your removed from the mortgage - they can't pursue you if there is a default.Sometimes mortgage companies will remove after your ex has demonstrated she can manage it in her own. I recall your ex's income was a good level so this may be possible.It's really a case of making enquirers to see what is possible.In respect of division - norm is 50/50 for long marriages over 5 years. The matrimonial causes act sets out factors for departure of division including to name a few - future care of children, health needs, earning capacity etcDivision isn't just based on house but all matrimonial assets are included - such as pensions, savings cars etcFirst step is disclosure of all assets. Then discussions can take place in respect of division.Family mediation has been created to help in respect of the finances as well as children matters - so you should refer there first.Kindest RegardsCaroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for the information to date, for me whilst there is a clear link to both the child arrangements and the family home and its settlements, it has always been, and remains my primary concern to secure a fair amount of access to my children based on my significant involvement and care of the children throughout their upbringing. i have tried to remain as fair and amicable as possible throughout, however, my ex wife is only prepared to finalise matters relating to the house, by her remaining in the family home and the sell of the property and settlement only on the occurrence of relevant trigger events. I have suggested an alternative which you may be familiar with known as nesting, where by during the period of time where either parent is responsible for the children they live at the family home and when its not their turn they live at an alternative address. Due to the limitations and restrictions based around the financial positions of both parties i am aware from your previous correspondence and my own research that options in relation to the family home are limited. If i were to secure shared custody following a court ruling what is the likely outcome when it comes to settling the family home?
Based on the fact that i left the family home due to my ex wife's violent behaviour to me on one occasion and in order to prevent the children being exposed to such violence and or arguments following my decision to separate / end our marriage as a result of two previous affairs the most recent one being in july 2013 and the impact of her mental health condition.
is there a likelyhood given the circumstances that you are now aware of that the court would support a nesting agreement or settlement of the property by means of sale to allow both parties the opportunity the provide the essential level of security and care that the children require?
If it is to be resolved by way of sale and settlement of the property at the relevant trigger points, what would the process be and who would draw up such an agreement? would it be through private solicitors or the court itself?
In addition, how would the mortgage and the liability of responsibility for the debt be resolved. If in the circumstance where i decide to rent in order to have a suitable address for the children in the circumstances of shared custody will i remain liable for the payment of the mortgage?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for the information to date, for me whilst there is a clear link to both the child arrangements and the family home and its settlements, it has always been, and remains my primary concern to secure a fair amount of access to my children based on my significant involvement and care of the children throughout their upbringing. i have tried to remain as fair and amicable as possible throughout, however, my ex wife is only prepared to finalise matters relating to the house, by her remaining in the family home and the sell of the property and settlement only on the occurrence of relevant trigger events. I have suggested an alternative which you may be familiar with known as nesting, where by during the period of time where either parent is responsible for the children they live at the family home and when its not their turn they live at an alternative address. Due to the limitations and restrictions based around the financial positions of both parties i am aware from your previous correspondence and my own research that options in relation to the family home are limited. If i were to secure shared custody following a court ruling what is the likely outcome when it comes to settling the family home?
Based on the fact that i left the family home due to my ex wife's violent behaviour to me on one occasion and in order to prevent the children being exposed to such violence and or arguments following my decision to separate / end our marriage as a result of two previous affairs the most recent one being in july 2013 and the impact of her mental health condition.
is there a likelyhood given the circumstances that you are now aware of that the court would support a nesting agreement or settlement of the property by means of sale to allow both parties the opportunity the provide the essential level of security and care that the children require?
If it is to be resolved by way of sale and settlement of the property at the relevant trigger points, what would the process be and who would draw up such an agreement? would it be through private solicitors or the court itself?
In addition, how would the mortgage and the liability of responsibility for the debt be resolved. If in the circumstance where i decide to rent in order to have a suitable address for the children in the circumstances of shared custody will i remain liable for the payment of the mortgage?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
HelloWill respond for you tonightKindest regards
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi do you have a response yet?
many thanks
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
HelloThank you for your patience.I must admit that I have not personally had a case where a Judge has made a Nesting type order.From my reading - such orders have tended to come from an agreement reached at mediation - which is later approved by a Judge.My concern is that in your case - as you have already moved out - the mother could well not agree to such an arrangement and also argue that your housing needs are being met. Whilst I know that you are living with your parents - I do consider that a Judge would agree.I would be concerned that a Judge might consider that such a proposal is more of an interim position rather than a long term plan. I would expect questions to be raised about where the mother would go now and what would happen if you met new partners.Despite my reservations - you won't know the mothers position until you attempt mediation.Mediation really is your first and next step. This is your chance to put forward your proposals and to talk then through.Let me know if I can assist you further.Kind RegardsCaroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
We have already tried mediation yet our agreement is now not being followed ?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
helloDid mediation only deal with the children matters or did you come to an agreement in respect of the matrimonial finances also?Kind RegardsCaroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you for taking the time to investigate and advise a likely outcome in respect of my nesting proposal.
if like what seems to be the only way to settle matrimonial home can you please clarify the steps involved and wether it would be a court or solicitor who would be responsible foe drawing up such an agreement. do you feel given the circumstances that you are now aware of that this remains the likely outcome or do you believe that i could have a chance of a court recommending a sale of the property if shared care is agreed at court.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
and do i remain liable for the mortgage when such an order has been put in place ?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
HelloYour very welcome - I'm more than happy to help.If mediation can reach an agreement - then they can refer you to a solicitor (dependant on your needs) to draw up a consent order.If an application has to be made to court - then it would be a Judge that makes the order.I fully appreciate that the main asset is the house but my concern is that there isn't enough to re-house you both. To be successful at getting a sale now - your going to have to convince a court that selling now can still meet the housing needs.If you can agree shared care, even without an order then I can see your logic in arguing you both need a place for the children. Just sharing care establishes this without the need for an order being in place.That being said - courts don't often like going from the relative security of owned to rented.Kind RegardsCaroline
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Unless the mortgage company excuses you - you would still be liable.Your ex would have to try and release you - but this would only be her best endeavours - which isn't much of an onus.You could seek an indemnity - which means you can claim back from your ex anything that you have to pay - but not always useful as if she can't pay mortgage - then she might not be able to pay you back - but you do have her part of the equity as some security.Kind RegardsCaroline