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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34272
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My son started contact within the... My son started contact

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My son started contact within the...
My son started contact within the community 6 weeks ago with his father, since that has started we have noticed a change in my sons behaviour! He refuses to discuss what he has done with his father, actually he refuses to discuss anything at all, he starts to lash out, he regresses back to a babyand demands his dummy during the day (dummy has been a night time thing now for 1 year) and strokes the dummy on his face and suckles it for comfort, he comes back to the family home stating there are monsters, he wakes up during the night screaming and inconsolable, he has told me " mummy I don't want to leave you" , the following day he wants me to stay home with him. After Wednesday which is his last day of visitation For that week he becomes happy and talkative again and does not mention his father and still refuses to discuss contact. I might be an over protective mother but I feel that this is having some kind of physcological affect on my son and I want to know what I can do to protect my son as I feel stopping contact will have a negative affect with the courts etc!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further informtaion firsthow old is the child and what is the actual pattern of contact?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Nathan will be 3 in June, at present he sees his father Monday and Wednesday for 4 hours each session in the community, we are going for the final hearing on the 25th of May as his father also wants one day on a weekend to take him home which will be for 6 hours , this scares me even more as I believe he has told my son he will eventually live with him
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
When you say he does not discuss what happens on contact - why does he need to?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He doesn't , but if we ask have you had a nice time? Or if we've been told he's been to the zoo we ask what animals have you seen or what did you have for lunch! There is no response or he goes into melt down, however, when my partner has Nathan on his day off and I ask him what did you do or what did you have for lunch or even if he's had a nice time he goes into the ins and outs of virtually every minute of the day, so why would there be a difference surely he would either discuss both or none.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
also if he has been with my parents while I've been at work and ask Nathan what he's done today again he will go into a song and dance of what he's done!
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
I do understand your concerns - but the behaviour he is showing is not unusual.Human young remain vulnerable for a lengthy period of time and nature has taken steps to ensure that the human young stay as safe as possibleThey are programmed to please the parent that they are with - and can read body language like masters and pick up on feelings like spongesYour son does not chatter about his time with his father the same way as he does about other things because he is aware that they are not the same - that is his fathers time - everything else is yours. It doe snot mean he does not enjoy his time with his father - just that he does not wish it to impinge on his home life with you!That movement form one parent to another is also why he looks for measurement and comfort when he returns as his brain processes it all.This is also why he is anxious about losing you and monsters - this is his brain processing matters - not necessarily because your ex is saying anything to himIn fact your son is showing that he is happy well balanced and well attached to you.I am afraid it will not be sufficient to stop contact.Penelope Leach does talk about this in her book "Family Breakdown"Please ask if you need further details
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