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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33279
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I am currently separating from my partner of 8 years, we

Customer Question

I am currently separating from my partner of 8 years, we have a 3 year old son, I also have a 15 year old son from my previous marriage. My now partner wants to have 50/50 custody what he wants is to have my son Monday to Monday every other week. I feel it is a more stable routine Mon – Friday, but he insists and is now threatening me with taking me to court. I have my older son Mon – Friday and it has always worked well. Please can you let me know where I stand on this as I won’t agree to anything as I am only able to move out of the house 1 July and this situation is becoming very difficult?
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 6 months ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further informtaion first.

For clarity - how do you wish to share the care of the child with him?

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Hi ClareI think that children thrive on routine, so for me to keep it stable is to have him Monday to Friday.
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Michael also has a daughter from a previous relationship which he usually has every Thursday night
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
then once a weekend every other week. I am all for full contact but I do not want to confuse the 3 year old with one week here one week there
Expert:  Clare replied 6 months ago.

I agree about the routine!

So do you mean he would have the child Monday to Friday and you would have the child at the weekend?

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
no i would have the child Monday to Friday
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
sorry there seem to be a delay in getting your responses
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
are you still there?
Expert:  Clare replied 6 months ago.

I have to ask - do you not wish to have weekends with your child at all?

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
i would like to have him every other weekend for sure
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
i am just more concerned about the weekly routine and to prepare him for when he starts school, so that he would be settled with the routine by then
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
what i am more concerned about is the eagerness for him to want me to agree in writing
Expert:  Clare replied 6 months ago.

Ok

So what you would like would be that he has the child from Friday to Monday alternate weekends.

Would you agree to him having Thursday nights as well so that the siblings spend time together?

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
i would agree to that, but he does not want that
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
i have tried talking to him about it but he only wants 50/50 and i am out of ideas as what else to offer and he is now threatening taking me to court and destroying me
Expert:  Clare replied 6 months ago.

Please do not worry about the threats that he is making.

There is ample evidence that 50/50 shared care for small children is not appropriate

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/228263368_Shared_Residence_A_Review_of_Recent_Research_Evidence

and the Penelope Leach book entitled "Family Breakdown" also covers this

An offer of every Thursday plus alternate weekends gives a 5/9 day split and when the child is older then an extra night a week will make it 50/50 - but that is a long way in the futire when the child is well settled in all his environments

You should try and discuss this with him using Family Mediation

If that fails then simply tell him what the pattern will be.

If he refuses to return the child to your care then you can make an urgent applictaion to the court

Please ask if you need further details

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
I really wish it was that easy and that he will accept but he wont
Expert:  Clare replied 6 months ago.

I am sure you are right - but if he goes to court they are more likely to support you than him!

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
i have one last question, he gifted me a car for my 40th, the car is in my name, but when he gets angry he threatens to take it what is my legal stance. The car is in my name
Expert:  Clare replied 6 months ago.

If it was a gift then it is yours no matter what

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