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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34106
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My ex and I (never married) have a 19 month old daughter, he

Resolved Question:

My ex and I (never married) have a 19 month old daughter, he is on the birth certificate and so shares parental responsibility with me. Since I left the family home with her 7 months ago we have mutually agreed to almost 50/50 visitation. I have a slight majority. The communication between us has has broken down completely. For the last 7 months I have dropped her off every Tuesday and alternate Saturday at the same time, and have picked her up every Thursday at the same time. Countless times he has not been there and the baby has been left with his mother, and countless times he has been out with her when I have arrived to pick her up. As I am now no longer in the area those days I have asked my ex to take the Tuesday pick up from my home. He is now insisting that he will also do the Thursday drop off and it will be at the end of the day, not in the morning as it has been to date, taking a whole day from me.
He is also looking to take her on vacation for a week (we agreed in mediation 7 days away abroad is fine) but wont tell me where he is taking her.
He works full time and has recently got an au pair to help him with her on the week days he has her so he can continue to work.
I now feel I need to go to court to have the visitation dates dictated to us and some ground rules set as he continues to push the boundaries. He has a criminal history and is renowned for being a cut throat person and a bully, however I don't believe the courts take any of this into consideration.
Do I have a chance in court or will they just say 50/50 based on our agreement to date?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

How far apart do you live and do you also work full time?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
We live 1 hour apart currently (he is about to move almost 2.5 hours away), I work full time from home. I live with my mother (my daughter's grandmother).
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

How does your ex think the current arrangements will work after his move?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He wont talk to me about it
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My work arrangement currently has me spend my whole morning with my daughter until 2pm (9am East coast time where my business is) and then intermittently throughout the day, the only time she is shut out of the office is if I have a client call. I run my own business as does my ex. He is a property developer and is constantly on sites or driving around houses that he lets to DSS tenants. I expressed my concern in mediation that he takes her to these tenants houses who are known substance abusers, his response was 'he would never let her come to any harm'. However now he has the au pair I don't believe she goes to these homes anymore.He is currently being investigated by HM Revenue and Customs for not paying taxes
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He wont talk to me about it, he wont talk to me about anything at all. There is no communication.My work arrangement currently has me spend my whole morning with my daughter until 2pm (9am East coast time where my business is) and then intermittently throughout the day, the only time she is shut out of the office is if I have a client call. I run my own business as does my ex. He is a property developer and is constantly on sites or driving around houses that he lets to DSS tenants. I expressed my concern in mediation that he takes her to these tenants houses who are known substance abusers, his response was 'he would never let her come to any harm'. However now he has the au pair I don't believe she goes to these homes anymore.He is currently being investigated by HM Revenue and Customs for not paying taxes
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am a bit upset to speak on the phone currently
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Did my other response come through? I don't see it on the chat
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

It is all there - and ignore the site pop ups about phone calls!

If he is moving further away then the current arrangement is no longer realistic - and in any event you do need to start planning for what happens when she starts school.

Equally if he is not able to care for her and you are then she should be with you and not an Au Pair.

Legally whatever the agreement he cannot take her abroad without giving you all the details of flights and accommodation

You need to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment meeting again to see if it would be possible to agree a proper full Parenting plan - preferably using Shuttle mediation since it is clear you are intimidated by him.

If mediation is not posisble then you can use the form the Mediators give you to apply for a Child Arrangement Order that sets out how the time is shared between a you and which will be enforceable.

You can read more here

http://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-apply-court-order-about-arrangements-your-children-without-help-lawyer

Please ask if you need further details

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you ClareI have also tried to talk about what is going to happen when she starts school, his response was 'Why can't the school be near to me and not to you?'. It's a reasonable question yet ridiculous in my eyes as i am not giving my daughter up for anything. I was thinking I need to go for a residency agreement (or whatever they call it now) to at least have that set.I will go back to mediation as you suggest above, if he does not budge I will direct a barrister.Thank you
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Excellent idea - good luck

Clare and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you